- Willow Rosenberg: We have to figure out how to kill this thing and we need to do it fast.
- Xander Harris: Uh... hot lava.
- Willow Rosenberg: That's for a heretic.
- Xander Harris: Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, okay. Uh... Ooh-ooh! Bury a potato... No, that's for warts. Who *writes* this stuff?
- Cordelia Chase: I've got the solution right here.
- [reading]
- Cordelia Chase: "To kill a demon... cut off its head."
- Xander Harris: Oh, yeah-yeah-yeah. We'll, uh, find Ms. Calendar, then we'll decapitate her. Hey, she'll be the first headless computer teacher in school. You think anybody'll notice?
- Cordelia Chase: Do you know what you need, Xander, besides a year's supply of acne cream? A brain.
- Xander Harris: That's it! Twelve years of you and I'm snappin'! I don't care if you're a girl or not. I'm throwin' down! Come on!
- Cordelia Chase: I've seen you fight. And don't think I can't take you!
- Cordelia Chase: Give it your best shot.
- Willow Rosenberg: [yelling] *Hey*! We don't have time for this! Our friends are in trouble. Now, we have to put our heads together and-and get them out of it! And if you two aren't with me a hundred and ten percent, then get the hell out of my library!
- Cordelia Chase: We're sorry.
- Xander Harris: We'll be good.
- Buffy Summers: I know you. You ran that costume shop.
- Ethan Rayne: Oh, I'm pleased you remember.
- Buffy Summers: You sold me that dress for Halloween and nearly got us all killed.
- Ethan Rayne: But you looked great.
- Buffy Summers: Have I ever let you down?
- Rupert Giles: Do you want me to answer that or shall I just glare?
- Buffy Summers: [to Willow] You knew that if the demon was in trouble it was gonna jump into the nearest dead person.
- Angel: I put it in danger.
- Willow Rosenberg: And it jumped.
- Angel: But I've had a demon inside me for a couple hundred years... just waiting for a good fight.
- Buffy Summers: Winner and still champion!
- Xander Harris: Giles lived for school. He's actually still bitter that there were only twelve grades.
- Buffy Summers: He probably sat in math class thinking, "There should be more math. This could be mathier."
- Willow Rosenberg: Come on. You don't think he ever got restless as a kid?
- Buffy Summers: Are you kidding? His diapers were tweed.
- [after watching Philip's dead body liquefy]
- Willow Rosenberg: Well, there's something you don't see everyday.
- Cordelia Chase: I'm gonna be in therapy 'til I'm 30.
- Rupert Giles: [loudly] Must we have this noise during your calisthenics?
- Buffy Summers: It's not noise. It's music.
- Rupert Giles: I know music. Music has notes. This is noise.
- Xander Harris: Ooh, gang, did you hear that? A bonus day of class, plus Cordelia. Mix in a little rectal surgery and it's my best day ever!
- Buffy Summers: I still don't get what this has to do with Giles.
- Willow Rosenberg: I don't know about Giles, but ancient sects used to induce possession for bacchanals and-and orgies.
- Xander Harris: Okay. Giles and orgies in the same sentence. I could have lived without that one.
- Jenny Calendar: Alright, guys, the first thing we're gonna do is... Buffy?
- Xander Harris: Huh? Did I fall asleep already?
- Xander Harris: Yep. Yep, I knew this would happen. Nobody can be wound as straight and narrow as Giles without a dark side erupting. My Uncle Rory was the stodgiest taxidermist you've ever met, by day. By night, it was booze, whores and fur flyin'. Were there whores?
- Buffy Summers: He was alone.
- Xander Harris: Give it time.
- Rupert Giles: Is everyone alright?
- Cordelia Chase: Super. I kicked a guy.
- Jenny Calendar: We're okay.
- Xander Harris: Dead guy here interrupted our tutorial.
- [to dead guy]
- Xander Harris: Been meaning to thank you for that.
- Buffy Summers: Xander, how do you feel about digging through some of Giles' personal files and seeing what you can find?
- Xander Harris: I feel pretty good about it. Does that make me a sociopath?
- Ethan Rayne: You know, I hope you're not taking this personally, Buffy. I actually kind of like you. It's ju- It's just that I like myself a lot more. If you think of it karmically, this is-this is really big for your soul, you know. Taking my place with the demon, giving... so that others may live.
- Buffy Summers: I'm gonna kill you. Will that blow the whole karma thing?
- Ethan Rayne: Sweet child.
- [finding Ethan lurking around the school library]
- Buffy Summers: What are you doing here?
- Ethan Rayne: Snooping around.
- Buffy Summers: Nice touch.
- Ethan Rayne: It's one of my virtues... Not really.
- Buffy Summers: Giles, what's going on?
- Rupert Giles: It's complicated, Buffy. And quite frankly, it's private.
- Buffy Summers: I don't care from private! I care from dead guys attacking us. I care from you lost-weekending in your apartment!
- Rupert Giles: I wasn't... I was just trying to find a solution.
- Buffy Summers: Giles, share. What is the Mark of Eyghon?
- Rupert Giles: Hey! This is not your battle. And as your Watcher, I'm telling you unequivocally to stay out of it!
- Ethan Rayne: [to prone, helpless Buffy] Now... this may sting a little, just at first. But, don't worry, that'll go away once the searing pain kicks in.
- [first lines]
- Custodian: Can I help you?
- Philip Henry: Rupert Giles. I need to see him.
- Custodian: Mr. Giles, he's our librarian. Next building over, first door on your left.
- Cordelia Chase: Well, evil just compounds evil, doesn't it? First I'm sentenced to a computer tutorial on Saturday, now I have to read some computer book. There are books on computers? Isn't the point of computers to replace books?
- Buffy Summers: You know what's the worst of this? I was saving up for some very important shoes, and now I have to blow my entire allowance just to have this stupid tattoo removed. I just hope my Mom doesn't see it first.