Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV Series)

Teacher's Pet (1997)

Sarah Michelle Gellar: Buffy Summers

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Rupert Giles : Dr. Ferris Carlyle spent years transcribing a lost, Pre-Germanic language. What he discovered he kept to himself until several teenage boys were murdered in the Cotswolds. Then he went hunting for it.

  Buffy Summers : It being...

  Rupert Giles : Uh, he calls her a She-Mantis. This type of creature, the kleptes-virgo, or-or-or virgin-thief, appears in-in many cultures... the Greek sirens, the Celtic sea-maidens, who-who tore the living flesh from the bones of, um...

  Buffy Summers : Giles, while we're young.

• Buffy Summers : No, I'm not saying she craned her neck. We are talking full-on Exorcist twist.

• Buffy Summers : Factoid three: Her fashion sense screams predator.

  Willow Rosenberg : It's the shoulder pads.

  Buffy Summers : Exactly.

• Rupert Giles : Um, this computer invasion that Willow's performing on the coroner's office. One-One assumes it is entirely legal?

  [Buffy and Willow speak at once] 

  Buffy Summers : Of course.

  Willow Rosenberg : Entirely.

  Rupert Giles : Right. Wasn't here... didn't see it... couldn't have stopped you.

• Principal Bob Flutie : You were there. You saw Doctor Gregory, didn't you?

  Buffy Summers : Um, you mean yesterday in the cafeteria when we found him...

  Principal Bob Flutie : Don't say dead or decapitated or decomposing. I'd stay away from 'D' words all together, but you witnessed the event, so this way, please.

• Buffy Summers : Try looking under things that can turn their heads all the way around.

  Rupert Giles : Nothing human can do that.

  Buffy Summers : No. Nothing human... But, there are some insects that can... Whatever she is, I'm gonna be ready for her.

  Rupert Giles : What are you going to do?

  Buffy Summers : My homework.

• Buffy Summers : Dig this. "The praying mantis can rotate its head a hundred and eighty degrees while waiting for its next meal to walk by." Hah!

  [gets only silence] 

  Buffy Summers : Well, come on, guys... Hah.

  Willow Rosenberg : Well, Miss French is sort of big for a bug.

• Rupert Giles : That's all he said? "Fork guy"?

  Buffy Summers : That's all cryptic guy said, "fork guy."

  Rupert Giles : I think there are too many guys in your life.

• Rupert Giles : You went hunting last night?

  Buffy Summers : Yes.

  Rupert Giles : When you assured me you wouldn't.

  Buffy Summers : Yes. I lied. I'm a bad person. Let's move on.

• Buffy Summers : Any tips on the snuffing part?

  Rupert Giles : Uh, Carlyle recommends cleaving all body parts with a sharp blade.

  Buffy Summers : Slice and dice.

• Buffy Summers : Well, your buddy Carlyle faced it, and he's still around.

  Rupert Giles : Yes. In a straitjacket howling his innards out day and night.

  Buffy Summers : Okay, Admiral. Way to inspire the troops.

• Miss French : [Buffy, Giles and Willow have gone to the hacked address of Miss French, the substitute teacher and kidnapping suspect. A much older woman than expected opens the door]  Hello dear! I thought I heard... .are you selling something? Because I'd like to help you out, but, you see, I'm on a fixed income

  Buffy Summers : I'm looking for Miss French.

  Miss French : I'm Miss French.

  Buffy Summers : N-Natalie French, the substitute biology teacher?

  Miss French : Goodness. That's me. I taught for over thirty years. I retired in 1972.

  Buffy Summers : [turning to Giles and Willow]  I can't believe this! She used Miss French's records to get into the school. She could be anywhere!

  Miss French : No, dear. I'm right here.

• Dr. Gregory : You have a first-rate mind and you can think on your feet. Imagine what you could accomplish if you actually did the...

  Buffy Summers : The... homework... thing.

  Dr. Gregory : The homework thing. I understand you probably have a good excuse for not doing it. Amazingly enough, I don't care. I know you can excel in this class, so I expect no less. Is that clear?

  Buffy Summers : [nods]  Yeah. Sorry.

  Dr. Gregory : Don't be sorry, be smart. And please don't listen to the Principal or anyone else's negative opinion about you. Let's make him *eat* that permanent record. What do you say?

  Buffy Summers : [smiles]  Okay.

  [glad to have found a faculty member rooting for her] 

  Buffy Summers : Thank you.

• Buffy Summers : Do you know Miss French, the teacher that's subbing for Dr. Gregory?

  Rupert Giles : Yes. Yes, she's lovely. In a - a common, extremely well-proportioned way.

  Buffy Summers : Well, I'm chasing Claw Guy last night, and Miss Well-Proportioned is heading home. Claw Guy takes one look at her and runs screaming for cover.

  Rupert Giles : He what? Ran away?

  Buffy Summers : He was petrified.

  Rupert Giles : Of Miss French?

  Buffy Summers : Uh-*huh.* So, "I'm an undead monster that can shave with my hand. How many things am I afraid of?"

  Rupert Giles : Not many. And not substitute teachers, as a rule.

• Rupert Giles : Well, basically the she-mantis assumes the form of a beautiful woman, and lures innocent virgins back to her nest.

  Buffy Summers : Virgins? Well, Xander's not... a... a... I mean he's probably...

  Willow Rosenberg : [Willow jumps up from the computer and runs out, exclaiming]  He's going to die!

• Buffy Summers : [rousing Xander from the reverie of his glorious dream where he becomes Buffy's hero]  You're drooling! Xander! You have a little...

  [gestures at him to wipe off the spittle] 

• Buffy Summers : [discussing a sighting of Claw]  So I'm an undead monster that can shave with my hand. How many things am I afraid of?

  Rupert Giles : Not many. And not substitute teachers, as a rule.