Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV Series)

School Hard (1997)

James Marsters: Spike

Photos 

Quotes 

• Big Ugly : When I kill her, it'll be the greatest event since the Crucifixion. And I should know. I was there.

  Spike : You were there? Oh, please! If every vampire who said he was at the Crucifixion was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock.

  Big Ugly : I oughta rip your throat out.

  Spike : I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flower person, and I spent the next six hours watchin' my hand move.

• Spike : Yeah, I did a couple of Slayers in my time. I don't like to brag.

  [laughs] 

  Spike : Who am I kidding? I love to brag!

• Spike : A slayer with family and friends. That sure as hell wasn't in the brochure.

• Buffy Summers : Do we really need weapons for this?

  Spike : I just like them. They make me feel all manly.

• Spike : So. How 'bout this Slayer? Is she tough?

  [Cut to Buffy's room. She's standing at her mirror, trying to brush her hair] 

  Buffy Summers : Ow!

  Joyce Summers : What's wrong?

  Buffy Summers : I spent a good part of my allowance on this new cream rinse, and it's neither creamy nor rinsey.

  Joyce Summers : Life is hard, dear.

  Buffy Summers : Don't I know it.

  [studies her image critically] 

  Buffy Summers : Is that a split end?

  Joyce Summers : I got the mail.

  Buffy Summers : Good.

  Joyce Summers : Which included a reminder notice about Parent-Teacher night. Thursday.

  Buffy Summers : [in trepidation]  That's good.

  Joyce Summers : Which you were planning on telling me about...?

  Buffy Summers : Oh, for... the last two weeks.

  Joyce Summers : Uh-huh. So, what do you think your teachers are gonna tell me about you?

  Buffy Summers : Well, I think they'll all agree that I always bring a pen to class, ready to absorb the knowledge.

  Joyce Summers : And, uh, this absorption rate? How is it reflected in your homework and test scores?

  Buffy Summers : What can you really tell about a person from a test score?

  Joyce Summers : Whether or not she's ever going out with her friends again.

  [Buffy blanches] 

  Joyce Summers : Well, I'm looking forward to meeting your new principal.

  Buffy Summers : Won't that be something?

• [after watching Buffy slay a vampire, Spike comes out of the shadows, slowly clapping his hands] 

  Spike : Nice work, love.

  Buffy Summers : Who are you?

  Spike : You'll find out on Saturday.

  Buffy Summers : What happens on Saturday?

  Spike : I kill you.

• [last lines] 

  Spike : How's the Annoying One?

  Drusilla : He doesn't wanna play.

  Spike : It figures. Well, I suppose I'd better go make nice.

  [He walks over to the Anointed One and kneels before him] 

  The Anointed One : You failed.

  Spike : I, um... I offer penance.

  Vampire : Penance? You should lay down your life! Our numbers are depleted. The Feast of St. Vigeous has been ruined by your impatience!

  Spike : I was rash... And if I had to do it all over again...

  [laughs] 

  Spike : Who am I kidding? I would do it exactly the same, only I'd do this...

  [grabs the Anointed One] 

  The Anointed One : No!

  Spike : ...first!

  [Spike sticks The Anointed One in the nearby cage and starts pulling a chain, lifting the cage up from the floor] 

  Spike : From now on, we're gonna have a little less ritual... and a little more fun around here.

  [the cage is lifted into the sunlight. The Anointed One screams as he dies] 

  Spike : Let's see what's on TV.

• Spike : You think you can fool me?... You were my sire, man! You were my... Yoda!

  Angel : Things change.

  Spike : Not us! Not demons. Man, I can't believe this. You Uncle Tom.

• Spike : Me and Dru, we're movin' in... Now... Any of you wanna test who's got the biggest wrinklies 'round here... step on up.

  [to The Anointed One] 

  Spike : I'll do your Slayer for you. But you keep your flunkies from tryin' anything behind my back. Deal?

  [the Anointed One nods] 

  Drusilla : I can't see her. The Slayer. I can't see. It's dark where she is. Kill her. Kill her, Spike. Kill her for me?

  Spike : It's done, baby.

  Drusilla : Kill her for Princess?

  Spike : I'll chop her into messes.

• [to the remains of the Order of Aurelius] 

  Spike : Do you know what I find works real good with Slayers? Killing them.

• Spike : I'll tell you what. As a personal favor from me to you, I'll make it quick. It won't hurt a bit.

  Buffy Summers : No, Spike. It's gonna hurt a lot.

• Buffy Summers : You shouldn't have come here.

  Spike : No. I messed up your doilies and stuff. But I just got so bored.

• Spike : So, who do you kill for fun around here?

• Drusilla : Spike? I'm cold.

  Spike : I got you.

  [puts his jacket around her] 

  Drusilla : I'm a princess.

  Spike : That's what you are.

• Spike : [to the teacher:]  I will be a kind man. You are too old to eat.

  [breaks his neck] 

  Spike : But not to kill.

  [to the other vampire:] 

  Spike : I feel better now.