Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV Series)

Doublemeat Palace (2002)

Sarah Michelle Gellar: Buffy Summers

Photos 

Quotes 

• Buffy Summers : [serving Spike at her new job]  I'm working. Go away.

  Spike : Yeah, and you chose to be in the consumer service profession and I'm a consumer.

  [suggestively] 

  Spike : Service me.

• Buffy Summers : We need to analyze that burger. We need to find out if it used to be people.

  Xander Harris : [mouth full of burger]  What...? People?

  Buffy Summers : Xander, you ate the burger?

  Xander Harris : Well, first you say it's cat. Then you come in, hand me a burger. Blah, blah, blah. Five minutes later, "Oh, and by the way, it happens to be hot, delicious, human flesh"?

• Phillip : You put the beef on the grill. You hit the button. Then it beeps. You flip the beef, hit the other button. Then it beeps. You put it on the bun... There's not a button for that.

  Buffy Summers : Repeat until insane.

• [Buffy closes the door to the walk-in freezer] 

  Manny : You don't need to be in there.

  Buffy Summers : Sorry. I-I was just curious.

  Manny : Curiosity killed the cat.

  [leaves] 

  Buffy Summers : [to herself]  Theory number five: cat burgers.

• Buffy Summers : So, what's the deal with Manny the manager? If I ask him really nice, can I write a children's book called that?

• [storming around Doublemeat Palace trying to people to stop eating] 

  Buffy Summers : Stop! Stop! Everybody, you have to stop!

  Elderly Man : Hey!

  Buffy Summers : Stop eating! No, you can't eat this! It's not beef! It's people! The Doublemeat Medley is people! The-The meat layer is definitely people! It's people! It's people! Probably not the chickeny part, but who knows? Who... knows?

• Anya : Without labor, there can be no payment and vice versa. The country cannot progress. The workers are the tools that shape America.

  [Buffy enters in her Doublemeat Palace uniform] 

  Buffy Summers : Good to know. I was kinda feeling like a tool.

• [Buffy is handed a drink cup] 

  Gary : Fill this while I get the fries.

  Buffy Summers : Fill this? I didn't know there was gonna be drug testing on this job.

• Gary : [smiles]  You're funny. You better stop that.

  Buffy Summers : Why?

  Gary : Productivity, one of Manny's watchwords. "Levity is the time thief that picks the pocket of a company."

  Buffy Summers : I prefer the one that goes, "Manny's a humorless dolt who picks the pocket of he-should-bite-me."

• Phillip : Every burger at every Doublemeat Palace is the same... People don't like variation.

  Buffy Summers : Got it. Variety is the spice of bad.

• Manny : You're working a double shift.

  Buffy Summers : What? Another eight hours? Right after these eight hours? But that's... so many hours.

• Buffy Summers : Order something or go.

  Spike : Give a bloke a chance for his eyes to adjust. Damn fluorescent lights. They make me look dead.

• [last lines] 

  Buffy Summers : Thank you. That-That's great. I-I can do the job. I promise that, too.

  Lorraine Ross : I certainly hope so. I don't like short-timers, Buffy. I like people who *want* to be here. Maybe you didn't take this job seriously before, but from now on...

  [points to her 5 years of service button] 

  Lorraine Ross : See this? I want you to be shooting for this from here on out.

  Buffy Summers : Right... Here on out.

• [Buffy is watching a training video at the Doublemeat Palace] 

  Training Video Narrator : You've seen us in your city or small town across the American West. You've ordered our delicious food from our happy employees. But now you're seeing it all in a new way. You're seeing it from *behind* the counter because you've just become part of the Doublemeat experience!

  First Worker in Video : I'm part of it!

  Second Worker in Video : I'm part of it.

  Third Worker in Video : I'm a part of it too.

  [Video shows an image of a cow and a chicken] 

  Training Video Narrator : This cow and this chicken don't know it yet, but they're destined to become part of it as well. So what happens when a cow and a chicken get together? Why, that's a Doublemeat Medley! Let's take a look now at the process of harvesting these two special meats.

  Buffy Summers : [while the video plays mooing, clucking, and slaughtering noises]  Holy crap.

  Training Video Narrator : Washing your hands thoroughly after each visit to the restroom. Follow these rules, and you'll be a happy part of the Doublemeat family for a long time.

• Manny : I'm Manny the Manager. It's not a joke. It's just my name.

  Buffy Summers : Right. You mentioned that a couple of times when I filled out the application.

  Manny : Why do you want to work here, Buffy? You seem like a sharp young woman, and there are a lot of other jobs.

  Buffy Summers : Well, I-I kind of need money pretty quickly... like today and, so, I didn't want to go through a lengthy interview process and I figured this was probably the fastest way... to... .Because I wanted to be part of the Doublemeat experience?

• Manny : This is the kitchen, the beating heart of the Doublemeat Palace

  Buffy Summers : [Observing a coworker cutting chicken slices]  Wow. They're all so identical.

  Manny : Yeah, they all start to look the same to me, too.

  Buffy Summers : Oh, no. Not the employees, the chicken slices.

• Manny : Phillip, Timothy, this is Buffy. She's gonna work the counter.

  Phillip : What happened to the other one... Katherine?

  Manny : Emily?

  Phillip : Yeah.

  Timothy : She's gone.

  Buffy Summers : What happened?

  Timothy : Whatever always happens.

  Manny : [Opening a locker]  You can use this one.

  Buffy Summers : Uh, there's someone's stuff in there.

  Manny : They must've left it. You can toss it, or keep what you want.

  Buffy Summers : Sure they're not coming back?

  Manny : We have a lot of turnover here.

  Manny : [to Buffy, referring to Phillip and Timothy]  Watch these two.

  Buffy Summers : Are they gonna do something?

  Manny : They're solid. Follow their example and you won't go wrong. They're lifers.

  Buffy Summers : Lifers?

  Manny : In it for life. Like me. You want to get something out of this, Buffy, you'll do the same. You put the work in, and 10 years from now, you'll be where I am. I promise you.