- Xander Harris: Where is he? Where's the creep that turned me into a spider-eating man-bitch?
- Buffy Summers: He's gone.
- Xander Harris: Damn it! You know what? I'm sick of this crap. I'm sick of being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment, it's over. I'm finished being everybody's butt monkey.
- Buffy Summers: Check. No more butt monkey.
- [thinking everyone's gone, Dracula starts to re-materalize, but Buffy stakes him agian as he completes the process]
- Buffy Summers: You think I don't watch your movies? You always come back.
- [as the dusts of his resurrection start to swirl again]
- Buffy Summers: I'm standing right here!
- [the dust stops materializing and disappears]
- Riley Finn: I've lived in Sunnydale a couple of years now. Know what I've never noticed before?
- Rupert Giles: Uh, a castle?
- Riley Finn: A big, honkin' castle.
- Riley Finn: What can you tell me about Dracula?
- Spike: Dracula? Poncy bugger owes me £11, for one thing.
- Buffy Summers: Who are you?
- Dracula: I apologize. I assumed you knew. I am Dracula.
- Buffy Summers: [unbelieving] Get out!
- [last lines]
- Joyce Summers: Buffy? If you're going out, why don't you take your sister?
- Buffy Summers, Dawn Summers: Mom!
- Xander: I'm exhausted just lookin' at those two. All the splashing and jumping and running. Shouldn't relaxing involve less exertion?
- Anya: Absolutely. Exertion can lead to sweatiness.
- Tara Maclay: Oh, which can cause the, um, pain and heartbreak of stinkiness. Better to just stay put.
- Willow Rosenberg: I think we've just put our finger on why we're the sidekicks.
- Dracula: I have no interest in you. Leave us.
- Xander Harris: No, we're not going to
- [in Dracula's accent]
- Xander Harris: "leave you." And where'd you get that accent, Sesame Street?
- [as the Count on Sesame Street]
- Xander Harris: Vun, two, three - three victims. Mwa ha ha.
- Buffy Summers: Where's my burger?
- Riley Finn: Yeah, man, I'm starving. Cow me.
- Xander Harris: The, uh, fire is not cooperating. It's comforting to know that I lack the culinary finesse of a caveman.
- Willow Rosenberg: Ignis, incende!
- [roaring fire starts in grill]
- Buffy Summers: Willow, check you out! Witch-fu!
- Willow Rosenberg: It's no big. You just balance the elements so when you affect one, you don't wind up causing...
- [a storm rises and they all have to flee]
- Willow Rosenberg: I didn't do it! I didn't do it!
- [Xander has been put under Dracula's control]
- Xander Harris: I'm supposed to deliver you to the Master now... There's this whole deal where I get to be immortal. You cool with that?
- Buffy Summers: Take me to him.
- Willow Rosenberg: Now that I know there's something to know, I can't *not* know, just because I'm afraid somebody'll know I know. You know?
- Anya: [about Dracula] I doubt he'd remember me. I was just a silly young thing. I mean, like seven hundred or so. But he did say that this guy I cursed was doomed forever, which was really sweet, don't you think?
- Xander Harris: Adorable.
- Anya: It was a great spell. I made this jerk incredibly fat, like a human minivan. You should just mention my name if you see him again.
- Xander Harris: Or better yet, why don't you just go sit on top of a crypt and flaunt your neck cleavage until Dracula shows up? Then you two can talk private.
- Anya: Oh please, don't tell me you're jealous.
- Buffy Summers: So let me get this straight. You're... Dracula... the guy, the Count.
- Dracula: I am.
- Buffy Summers: And you're sure this isn't just some fan-boy thing? 'Cause I've fought more than a couple of pimply, overweight vamps that called themselves Lestat.
- Dracula: You know who I am. As I would know without question that you are Buffy Summers.
- Buffy Summers: You've heard of me?
- Dracula: Naturally. You're known throughout the world.
- Buffy Summers: Nah. Really?
- Dracula: Why else would I come here? For the sun? I came to meet the renowned... killer.
- Buffy Summers: Yeah, I prefer the term Slayer. You know, killer just sounds so...
- Dracula: Naked?
- Buffy Summers: Like I paint clowns or something. I'm the good guy, remember?
- Dracula: Perhaps, but your power is rooted in darkness. You must feel it.
- Buffy Summers: No. You know what I feel? Bored.
- [Xander has been put under Dracula's control]
- Xander Harris: I think you're drawing a low of crazy conclusions about the Unholy Prince!
- [everyone gives him a strange look]
- Xander Harris: Bator.
- [Xander has been put under Dracula's control]
- Willow Rosenberg: Well, I think we have Dracula factoids.
- Xander Harris: Like any of that's enough to fight the dark Master.
- [everyone stares at him]
- Xander Harris: Bator.
- Willow Rosenberg: [to Giles] No. It's fine. It's just, you've been Mr. Project all summer. You know? Labeling the amulets and indexing your diaries. I draw the line at making giant rubber-band balls. That's when you'll just have to get a life.
- Dracula: [walking up] Very impressive hunt... Such power.
- Buffy Summers: That was no hunt. That was just another day on the job. Care to step up for some overtime?
- Dracula: We're not going to fight.
- Buffy Summers: Do you know what a Slayer is?
- Dracula: Do you?
- Xander Harris: Blood? Yes, yes! I will serve you, your Excellent Spookiness.
- [Dracula frowns]
- Xander Harris: Or Master. I'll just stick with Master.
- Riley Finn: No, that's okay. I-I shouldn't take this personally. I mean, what with Angel. I mean, it's understandable that there would be transference. I mean, they're both broody immortals.
- [first lines]
- [Buffy catches football at the beach]
- Buffy Summers: Ha! Touchdown! Oh, yeah! Go, Team Me!
- [tosses football back]
- Riley Finn: Anybody ever told "Team You" the quarterback throws like a girl?
- [tosses back to Buffy]
- Buffy Summers: I do?
- [tosses back with a lot of strength knocking Riley down]
- Riley Finn: Ohh! Uhh.
- Buffy Summers: Oh, sorry.