Photos
Quotes
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Richie : Oh, Eddie. How do you actually drive a car?
Eddie : Well, you get the wires under the radio, and jam them together until the engine fires up. Then you drink another can of Special Brew, aim at the post office and put a brick on the accelerator!
Richie : Riiigght! Well, I'm just going to use the key and see what happens.
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[Eddie and Richie are pretending to be a newly-wed couple, Eddie dressed as the woman]
Eddie : These saucy honeymoon undies are a bit on the cutting severe side.
Richie : Don't you worry, Eddie, you could always take 'em off later. Or maybe I'll rip 'em off with my bare teeth...
[to himself]
Richie : oh no, it's not a girl, it's Eddie, it's Eddie! It's not a girl, it's Eddie, it's not a girl, it's Eddie! Oh God, I hope I don't get drunk!
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Richie : Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Eddie?
Eddie : I don't know. I'm thinking about that weather girl Suzanne Charlton. Stripped naked and covered in Marmite! Bouncing up and down on the end of a bungee rope! What are you thinking?
Richie : Er, something else, actually!
Eddie : Not getting trapped on the rings with that black-haired Gladiators legs wrapped round your face again?
Richie : No, No. I haven't thought about that for weeks! Must pop upstairs later and have a good hard think about that!
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Richie : [Richie is plotting to steal someone's car] Where do you think his car is?
Eddie : Well, he's getting married this afternoon.
Richie : Is he?
Eddie : Yep, that was his stag cricket match. That's why he was allowed to use the slingshot.
Richie : [Feeling his jaw] Oh, I see. Hey! Does that mean we're going to the wedding?
Eddie : No. You were only there so that he could knock you unconscious, it was a wedding present from the lads!
Richie : [Offended] Oh. Nice. So who's he getting married to?
Eddie : Well, you know Ted Rogers?
Richie : He's not! He's not getting married to Ted Rogers?
Eddie : No. He's getting married to that bird from the abattoir that looks like Ted Rogers.
Richie : Oh, oh, that's a shame, isn't it? Be nice to be married to Ted Rogers.
Eddie : Yeah!
Richie : "3-2-1! 3-2-1!" God, I bet he's good in bed! So which church are they getting married in?
Eddie : Oh, it's that Welsh one, St errrm, St...
Richie : I know it! St
[phlegmy hiss]
Eddie : That's it! The one with all the gob running down the walls!
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Eddie : [Opening lines] You were.
Richie : I wasn't!
Eddie : You were!
Richie : I wasn't!
Eddie : You were!
Richie : [Enter the living room with a blood stain on his trousers] I bloody well wasn't!
Eddie : [Enters in various sports garb] You were out, Richie!
Richie : I was not out!
Eddie : You were!
Richie : Bloody, bloody, bloody wasn't!
Eddie : Look, the umpire's decision is final.
Richie : But you weren't even looking the right way!
Eddie : I was!
Richie : You weren't! Eddie, you weren't even on the pitch!
Eddie : I've got the coat, haven't I?
Richie : Edward, you were in the bar.
Eddie : But, I could still see, I was looking out of the window.
Richie : I was about two-hundred yards away, how could you tell I was out?
Eddie : Spudgun told me.
Richie : Spudgun was the captain of the opposite team!
Eddie : Yes, but it was his round, I didn't want to ruffle his feathers, you know?
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Richie : [Spots O'Jones' car] There it is. Did you get the stockings?
Eddie : I've got the tights.
Richie : What?
Eddie : [Produces tights from pocket] Well, that's all that was hanging on the line.
Richie : Did you get any knickers?
Eddie : No.
Richie : Never mind, we'll run with the tights.
[They put them over their heads]
Richie : Can't see a bloody thing now! Where's the car?
Eddie : Probably over there, behind the gusset.
Richie : Oh right, come on, Moriarty, let's do it. Phwoar! They didn't wash them very well, did they?
Eddie : I think that might be me.
Richie : Is it? Never mind, I'll break in, you keep a look out.
Eddie : Righto.
[Richie leans pulling their heads down]
Richie : No, Eddie, you keep a look out.
Eddie : All right.
[Pulls up cracking Richie's neck]
Richie : Ow, Jesus! I think I've got whiplash! It's no good, Eddie, I'm gonna have to drop my half of the disguise.
Eddie : Are you sure that's wise?
Richie : Medically it is, yes, my eyes are beginning to sting because of the niff.
