Bottom (TV Series)
Apocalypse (1991)
Rik Mayall: Richie
Photos
Quotes
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Richie : Is the moon up yet?
Eddie : I can't see from here.
Richie : Well, go have a look!
Eddie : You go have a look!
Richie : I can't go to the window, you know that. I might fall out! Or the window might fall in!
Eddie : I can't go they'll think I'm Sean Connery.
Richie : You don't look a bit like Sean Connery.
Eddie : [as Michael Caine] "Hello, my name's James Bond. Not a lot of people know that."
Richie : Ugh, I don't know, maybe death will be a release.
Eddie : "Zulus. Thousands of 'em! White til you see the whites of their eyes, lads." They would've won if they kept their eyes closed. "Not a lot of people know that."
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Eddie : [reads letter] What's this? Annual membership to "Barbarella's Aerobic Fitness Centre"?
Richie : Nothing to do with me.
Eddie : It's got "Richard Richard" written on it.
Richie : Ah. Er...
Eddie : [reads] "Leotard"?
Richie : Well, er, Eddie, none of us are getting any younger. I just pop along every Wednesday afternoon and firm up.
Eddie : What, you stand at the back of a room full of girls jiggling their bottoms up and down and "firm up"?
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[Eddie dressed up as Death]
Eddie : All right then mortal. I can see you're eager to keep your life. How's about I offer you a straight deal?
Richie : A deal? Sure. No problem. Great.
Eddie : How much money have ya got in the house?
Richie : Oh, none.
Eddie : What about the three hundred pounds on top of the bathroom cabinet?
Richie : How do you know about that?
Eddie : God, I keep telling you mate. I'm Death, I know everything.
Richie : Everything? What, even about the...?
Eddie : Especially that you naughty boy.
Richie : All right. I'll get the money, just don't tell anybody. You wait right here.
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[Richie is trying to get pity from his aunt]
Richie : Quick, sprinkle a bit of water all over the place so it looks like we've been crying a lot.
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Shooting gallery stallholder : How much money have you got in the house?
Richie : None.
Shooting gallery stallholder : What about the £300 I hear you've got safely ensconced on top of the bathroom cabinet?
Eddie : It's not there anymore.
Shooting gallery stallholder : Well then I'll just have to this then.
[Swipes the wad of cash from Eddie]
Shooting gallery stallholder : That should just about cover the £300 they told me in Harley Street it would cost to get my eye fixed. While I'm here, I'll think I'll take that copy of Girly World and all.
[Takes the porn magazine from Eddie]
Richie : A very wise choice sir. Oh, and one more thing.
Shooting gallery stallholder : Yeah?
Richie : Well, since you're here, would you like to kick Eddie in the bollocks?
Shooting gallery stallholder : Don't mind if I do, thank you very much.
Richie : Be my guest.
[Stallholder kicks Eddie in the groin, freeze-frame on Eddie's reaction]
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[Eddie is dressed as "The Death", which Richie doesn't know; Richie is scared as hell]
Richie : [crying] Please, give me another chance!
Eddie : No, I won't, if you don't leave Eddie alone.
Richie : How did you know that we had fights?
Eddie : I am The Death, I know *everything*!
Richie : Uh-oh... Do you know that I have...
Eddie : I know that too, naughty boy!