- Samantha Stephens: We are the bright girls. Rally round for Wright girls. That isn't funny, Mother.
- Endora: On the contrary, it's hysterical. What was that incantation you were gyrating through?
- Samantha Stephens: That isn't an incantation, it's a cheer.
- Endora: What does it do?
- Samantha Stephens: It doesn't do anything.
- Endora: Then why were you doing it?
- Samantha Stephens: You know, it surprises me sometimes how unaware you can be... for having lived as long as you have.
- Darrin Stephens: What are all those people doing here?
- Samantha Stephens: Darrin, you're gonna be proud of me.
- Darrin Stephens: Are you sure?
- Samantha Stephens: There's a lot going on in this town that you don't know about.
- Darrin Stephens: There's a lot going on in this house I don't know about.
- Ed Wright: Now this is a sort of thing, we, you and I... have to put a stop to once and for all.
- Gladys Kravitz: Abner, isn't it wonderful?
- Abner Kravitz: Not bad. The potato salad is a little salty.
- Samantha Stephens: Shirley was having the Ed Wright for Councilman meeting at her place. But then she couldn't, so I said we could have it here. Darrin, he's wonderful, and you should hear him speak. He's a Korean War veteran, a graduate lawyer, and he's very bright. So really, I know he'll be wonderful for Morning Glory Circle. That's why I knew you'd be proud of me.
- Darrin Stephens: Hold it, honey, hold it. Why couldn't Shirley Foster have the meeting at her house?
- Samantha Stephens: Well, her husband works hard at the office all day... and when he comes home, he doesn't like a lot of people around.
- Samantha Stephens: My husband happens to be very proud of me.
- Endora: For what?
- Samantha Stephens: For taking a position.
- Endora: I don't know what you're talking about. And neither do you.
- Endora: I suppose all this was Darwin's idea.
- Samantha Stephens: Mother, Darwin's idea was that man was descended from apes. This was my idea.
- Endora: Descended from the ape? Man?
- Samantha Stephens: It's called the theory of evolution.
- Endora: Pity to disillusion him. Other way around, actually.
- Gladys Kravitz: Abner, did you ever hear such a wonderful speechmaker? Abner, did you ever? Abner. Abner.
- Abner Kravitz: I can't hear a thing, Gladys. I'm wearing earmuffs.
- Darrin Stephens: If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times: Women should not get mixed up in politics.
- Samantha Stephens: You never said it to me.
- Samantha Stephens: You said you were proud when I took an interest in civic affairs.
- Darrin Stephens: So I was wrong. I'm not so perfect that I can't be wrong once in a while.
- Endora: Doesn't he understand that this latest project of Cavanaugh's... is the only legitimate thing the man has done in his life?
- Samantha Stephens: We have no proof of that.
- Endora: Well, just looking at the man is proof enough.
- Samantha Stephens: Would you get the file on the gas main? It was handled by the Oster-Halth Pipe Company.
- Endora: O or P?
- Endora: Oh, there's a simple way to handle this, but Donald wouldn't approve. On the other hand... what he doesn't know won't hurt him.
- Samantha Stephens: Flood, isn't that amazing?
- Darrin Stephens: The length that some people will go to just to win an argument.
- Endora: Have you heard about the flood?
- Samantha Stephens: Oh, now, Mother...
- Darrin Stephens: You mean it was you?
- Endora: I'd certainly like to know who else.
- Endora: And everyone else has been perfectly miserable... because a water main hasn't burst. So I just thought I'd burst one.
- Darrin Stephens: Sedgwick called Ed... and said that he was wrong... and they'll probably reopen the investigation... and examine all of Mr. Cavanaugh's past dealings.
- Endora: Isn't that what I said?
- Samantha Stephens: Yes, Mother.
- Endora: Isn't that what he wanted?
- Samantha Stephens: Yes, Mother.
- Endora: Well, what's he's so unhappy about?
- Ed Wright: Whoever delivered Mr. Cavanaugh's message... you can tell him it'll take more than an omelet to keep me off his back.
- Samantha Stephens: According to these records... Darrin and Mr. Wright pounced on Mr. Cavanaugh... at the only time he was honest in his whole life.
- Endora: Oh, that husband of yours is a lulu.