- Gladys Kravitz: Notice I didn't say one word about her being strange.
- Abner Kravitz: I'm glad you didn't. She isn't. He is.
- Abner Kravitz: [Mrs. Kravitz wheels her shopping trolley through the glass of an Out Of Order door] Are you alright?
- Gladys Kravitz: I think so.
- Abner Kravitz: Didn't you read the sign? This door is "Out Of Order".
- Gladys Kravitz: Not for Samantha Stephens, it isn't. How is that, Abner? Tell me. Please explain it to me!
- Abner Kravitz: I'll explain it to you. You're out of order!
- Gladys Kravitz: [Samantha twitches her nose to open her garage door] Abner, did you see that? She opened the garage door.
- Abner Kravitz: So what do you want me to do? Applaud?
- Gladys Kravitz: No, no, she opened it, no hands, nothing! She just sat there!
- Abner Kravitz: Why don't you stop. They probably got an electric door like they demonstrated down at the market.
- Gladys Kravitz: I don't believe it. She opens doors without electricity. Somebody ought to tell the electric company. They're loosing a bundle.
- Abner Kravitz: I'm loosing a bundle on you. I have to pay for a glass door. Eye glasses, lessons on how to read would be cheaper.
- Gladys Kravitz: All right. Go ahead and joke. I'm telling you, she's strange.
- Abner Kravitz: She's strange? You're strange?
- Gladys Kravitz: So prove it!
- Abner Kravitz: Prove you're strange?
- Gladys Kravitz: Prove they've got an electric door!
- Abner Kravitz: How?
- Gladys Kravitz: Go over and ask them!
- Abner Kravitz: I will. Tonight I'll go.
- Gladys Kravitz: Why do you have to wait until tonight?
- Abner Kravitz: Because if I have to look like an idiot, I'd rather do it in the dark!
- Endora: Oh really, Samantha, if I was starved for entertainment, I certainly could conjure up something more amusing than that.
- Gladys Kravitz: [Abner is playing his flute] Shh... They'll hear you?
- Abner Kravitz: Well, I've got nothing to hide.
- Gladys Kravitz: I do. I don't want them peaking over here, while I'm spying on them. So don't play.
- Samantha Stephens: This is your vacation. You've earned it and deserve the best. I have spoken.
- Darrin Stephens: Like a true and loving wife.
- Samantha Stephens: Which, by an odd coincidence, I just happen to be.
- Darrin Stephens: Best odd coincidence I ever heard of.
- Abner Kravitz: I wanted to ask you about your door.
- Darrin Stephens: Our door?
- Abner Kravitz: Pretty nice. I've been thinking of getting one too. You recommend it?
- Darrin Stephens: Why, no house should be without one.
- Abner Kravitz: Wait a minute. I'm not talking about this door. I was talking about your garage door.
- Max: Well, your husband should be very pleased with it.
- Samantha Stephens: I don't think so. He didn't wanna buy it for himself.
- Max: He didn't?
- Samantha Stephens: No.
- Noel: That's why you had it put in, huh?
- Samantha Stephens: We had it put in for the neighbours.
- Noel: That makes sense.
- Samantha Stephens: Not to me, it doesn't. Bye.
- Noel: Ain't it a shame? Always the good-looking ones. Here, they come up empty.
- Endora: Now, what's all this nonsense about garage doors, anyway?
- Samantha Stephens: Well, it's a long, dull story, Mother. I made the mistake of flipping ours open, and Gladys Kravitz saw me.
- Endora: Is that the story?
- Samantha Stephens: Just about.
- Endora: Well, it's not long, but it certainly is dull.
- Samantha Stephens: Darrin was afraid that Mrs. Kravitz's curiosity might lead to trouble. He gave up his fishing equipment and bought this gadget for the door.
- Endora: That is sad. That's the longest, dullest, saddest story I've ever heard.
- Endora: I thought you said Dobbin needed new fishing equipment.
- Samantha Stephens: Dobbin is a horse.
- Endora: Yes.
- Samantha Stephens: Darrin is my husband, and he wants fishing equipment he pays for himself.
- Gladys Kravitz: Look for yourself. I never saw anything like it.
- Abner Kravitz: Stop pushing. I know that when I turn my head to look... there will be nothing there.
- Gladys Kravitz: Stop talking. Get up on that thing and look.
- Abner Kravitz: Like I said, there's nothing there.
- Gladys Kravitz: What? But I saw it.
- Noel: I was just thinking of that installation on Maple. I put in one of these doors and tuned in the receiver just a little bit wrong.
- Max: What happened?
- Noel: I got tuned in on the aircraft bands.
- Max: An aircraft band?
- Noel: Every time a plane went overhead... and the pilot turned on the radio, it opened the Brians' garage door. It was a real fluke. I probably couldn't do it again if I tried.
- Samantha Stephens: Well, it keeps opening and closing... opening and closing all by itself. At first, I thought Mother was responsible... but she swears she isn't. Then I thought it might be the kids in the neighbourhood fooling around... so I watched, but no kids.
- Darrin Stephens: No kids, huh?
- Samantha Stephens: No. They were all in school. Really, Darrin, it's strange. There was nobody around... nobody around for miles.
- Darrin Stephens: And the door kept opening and closing all by itself, huh?
- Samantha Stephens: Exactly. It's eerie. It gives me the creeps.
- Darrin Stephens: That was a nice touch about your mother. And I like the bit about the kids too. It gave it a note of reality.
- Darrin Stephens: As a matter of fact, I'm not suggesting, requesting, not even putting in a plea. I am commanding. Calmly, but commanding. No more witchcraft. No matter how tempted or provoked you may be.
- Samantha Stephens: You mean like now.
- Darrin Stephens: That's right. Even like now.
- Samantha Stephens: If you don't listen to me, we're going to have a fight.
- Darrin Stephens: If you don't do as I ask, we're going to have a war.
- Gladys Kravitz: Abner, they just came out of the house. They're getting into the car.
- Abner Kravitz: Who?
- Gladys Kravitz: The Stephens.
- Abner Kravitz: You interrupted Johann Sebastian Bach to deliver that startling bulletin?
- Gladys Kravitz: I think they're going out together.
- Abner Kravitz: Well, that's nice. They're married.
- Abner Kravitz: Should I go back to Bach, or would you rather hear "Cheek to Cheek"? What would you like, Gladys? Make a request.
- Gladys Kravitz: Don't play.
- Samantha Stephens: What's the matter?
- Darrin Stephens: It's... Nothing the matter. It's out of kilter or something. I'll let it rest for a minute.
- Samantha Stephens: Oh, by all means. We wouldn't want to tire it out.
- Darrin Stephens: Go ahead.
- Samantha Stephens: Go ahead what?
- Darrin Stephens: You know. Open the door.
- Samantha Stephens: You're kidding.
- Darrin Stephens: Do I look like I'm kidding?
- Samantha Stephens: You made me swear. My solemn oath. My vow.
- Darrin Stephens: But this is an emergency.
- Samantha Stephens: You said "under no conditions," and I quote.
- Darrin Stephens: I'm glad you remember, sweetheart, but...
- Samantha Stephens: Under no circumstances.
- Darrin Stephens: Well, that's right. And that's what I meant. But under no ordinary circumstances... and these are certainly not ordinary circumstances. So I uncommand you.
- Samantha Stephens: You can't do that. It can't be "no" one minute and "yes" the next. If I give my word, and I gave my word... it's a matter of principle.
- Darrin Stephens: It is indeed a matter of principle. And I, your husband, am asking you, my wife, to open that door.Thank you. Thank you very much.
- Samantha Stephens: Darrin. I didn't touch that door, honestly.
- Darrin Stephens: Of course you didn't, but thank you anyway.
- Samantha Stephens: That is one crazy, nutty, rotten door. If you're gonna believe it and not me, there's no point in going on. So take your pick, it or me.
- Samantha Stephens: I know that I'm perfectly willing to take the blame for anything I do. But I am not going to take the blame for whoever or whatever... is turning that door into an electronic yo-yo.
- Gladys Kravitz: Could you explain something to me?
- Abner Kravitz: If it's about why we got married, no.
- Darrin Stephens: Don't be angry. What's there to be angry about?
- Samantha Stephens: You don't believe me. That's plenty to get angry about.
- Darrin Stephens: I believe you. If you're gonna get this angry, I believe you.
- Gladys Kravitz: What are they doing in there?
- Abner Kravitz: Inhaling carbon monoxide, maybe. How do I know?
- Samantha Stephens: You see, he means that sometimes women can work magic... with things that don't work. And when that happens, a man should definitely let her do so.