Bewitched (TV Series)

Help, Help, Don't Save Me (1964)

Charles Ruggles: Mr. Caldwell

Quotes 

• Darrin Stephens : What we're trying to do, Mr. Caldwell, is, uh, update your campaign. Make it appeal more to the modern eye.

  Mr. Caldwell : Well, I'm not so sure I care to appeal to the modern eye. I like to think there's a good bit of old-fashioned romance left in the world.

• Mr. Caldwell : As far as kids are concerned, what isn't bubblegum is medicine.

• Darrin Stephens : If I do it once, I'll do it again. And before you know, I won't be able to do anything for myself.

  Mr. Caldwell : Well, that's an interesting philosophy. But I don't see how it applies to soup.

• Larry Tate : Mr. Caldwell, before you leave, I can assure you that McMann & Tate will come up with a campaign that will be everything you expect it to be. I know that we can deliver. And I know that you'll buy.

  Mr. Caldwell : I hope not. It would be a shame to make that poor boy unhappy again.

• Darrin Stephens : And you're not going to buy it.

  Mr. Caldwell : I'm sorry, Stephens.

  Darrin Stephens : That's marvelous!

  Larry Tate : What's the matter with you?

  Darrin Stephens : You wouldn't understand, Larry. My... Mr. Caldwell, are you absolutely sure you won't change your mind?

  Mr. Caldwell : Absolutely.

  Darrin Stephens : Mr. Caldwell, I'm eternally grateful to you.

  Larry Tate : Wait a minute. Have you become completely uncorked?

• Darrin Stephens : Did you say you didn't like it?

  Mr. Caldwell : That's right. It has no good old-fashioned romance in it.

  Darrin Stephens : You mean you really don't like it?

  Mr. Caldwell : Mmm. No warmth, no love, no sex.

  Larry Tate : Sex?

  Mr. Caldwell : I don't suppose there are many of us left who look upon soup as having sex appeal, but I do. I always will.