- Darrin Stephens: Mr. Martin, are you gonna eat your pickle?
- Mr. Martin: Yes, I am.
- [to Larry]
- Mr. Martin: I'd like to see the product a little larger. Like it was jumping out of the ad at you.
- Larry Tate: Exactly. It would have more impact that way.
- Darrin Stephens: You're not eating it.
- Mr. Martin: I'll eat it when I feel like it.
- Darrin Stephens: If you don't want it, there's no sense letting it go to waste.
- Larry Tate: Darrin. It's his pickle.
- Darrin Stephens: But it's just lying there.
- Mr. Martin: So it's just lying there.
- Darrin Stephens: Then why can't I have it?
- Larry Tate: Darrin!
- Darrin Stephens: You have no intention at all of eating that pickle.
- Mr. Martin: Now, look, we're not gonna have an argument about a pickle.
- Darrin Stephens: I demand your pickle!
- Larry Tate: Darrin!
- [first lines]
- Samantha Stephens: Oh, hi there.
- Darrin Stephens: Oh, I'm sorry, honey. I didn't mean to wake you up.
- Samantha Stephens: That's okay. I have to get up anyway. Mother's popping in.
- Darrin Stephens: Have you er, told her the news about the baby yet?
- Samantha Stephens: Well...
- Darrin Stephens: Sam.
- Samantha Stephens: I've uh, been sorta putting it off.
- Darrin Stephens: How do you uh... How do you think she'll take it?
- Samantha Stephens: I don't know. Somehow Mother doesn't strike me as the grandmother type.
- Darrin Stephens: Well, she's just gonna have to get used to it.
- Samantha Stephens: Mother?
- Endora: Samantha, how could you?
- Samantha Stephens: You know.
- Endora: I was hoping that it was just an ugly rumor.
- Samantha Stephens: Mother, aren't you plesaed? You're gonna be a grandmother.
- Endora: That's right. That's right, twist the knife.
- Samantha Stephens: Give me just one good reason why I shouldn't have children?
- Endora: Don't you see? You'll be tied to that mortal oaf indefinately.
- Samantha Stephens: That's what I want.
- Endora: Oh, Samantha, you just don't understand. He's turning you into the typical housewife drudge. Oh, I can just see you in a few years, surrounded by diapers and bottles and pacifiers. And wall-to-wall babies.
- Bartender: You alright, Mr. Stephens?
- Darrin Stephens: Alright? Joe, I'm gonna have a baby.
- Bartender: Oh, yeah? Congratulations to the wife.
- Darrin Stephens: Not my wife. Me!
- Bartender: You?
- Darrin Stephens: Yes. I'm going to be a mother.
- Bartender: Well that's great. You'll be the first man in the world to pull it off. You'll be famous.
- Darrin Stephens: Yeah, I'll be famous. Fill it up again, Joe. I never thought of that. I'll be famous.
- [echoes]
- Darrin Stephens: I'll be famous. I'll be famous. I'll be famous.
- Darrin Stephens: But if that mother of yours ever pulls a stunt like that again, I'm gonna use a little magic of my own. Make a few of her teeth disappear.
- Samantha Stephens: And no jury will convict you.
- Darrin Stephens: I'm doing this for Sam's good. Believe me, I know every ache and pain that she has, and it hurts me more than her.
- Endora: It doesn't yet, but it will.
- [last lines]
- Samantha Stephens: Seriously, darling, you can't go on waiting on me like this. I'm not an invalid. I feel perfectly fine.
- Darrin Stephens: Sam, don't try to tell me how you feel. I know how you feel. Exactly. Remember?
- Samantha Stephens: Yes. Come to think of it, you do.
- Darrin Stephens: That's right. I'm a man in a million.
- Samantha Stephens: So big deal. I've always known that.
- [Darrin hands her a glass of milk]
- Samantha Stephens: Cheers.