- [Bruce Wayne backs up and falls down an open elevator shaft]
- Harley Quinn: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! We-we killed him!... Oh well.
- Poison Ivy: We were going to do it anyway.
- Harley Quinn: We got his credit cards; what's to worry?
- The Joker: Hi-ho couch potatoes. I'm interrupting the Toilet Bowl to bring you my very special New Year's resolution: ahem, starting tonight at midnight, I, your loving uncle Joker, do solemnly vow not to kill anyone for a whole year. Which means I'm going to have to work extra fast to bump off a few more of you today.
- [laughs madly]
- [first lines]
- Harley Quinn: I'm depressed, Red. Here it is holiday time and we're hiding out in this dingy rat trap. No presents, no fun, no nothin'. Can't we at least get a Christmas tree?
- Poison Ivy: What? And support the mad campaign of botanical genocide that grips this country every December?
- Harley Quinn: But Christmas trees are so bright and fun and pretty. Oh, please? Please? Please? Please?
- Batgirl: Don't waste your ammo on him. Shoot the Santa.
- Detective Harvey Bullock: You wouldn't?
- Det. Renee Montoya: Not you dolt, That Santa!
- Commissioner James Gordon: Close one this time.
- Batman: They're all close ones.
- Commissioner James Gordon: [giving a toast] Well, here's to survival. Hopefully, we'll be doing this again next New Year's Eve.
- Mary McSweeney: My name is Mary McSweeney, Santa. Can you bring my daddy home for Christmas?
- Detective Harvey Bullock: Gee, I don't know. Where is your pop?
- Mary McSweeney: In prison.
- Detective Harvey Bullock: You mean your dad is Mad Dog... uh, Mike McSweeney?
- Mary McSweeney: Uh-huh.
- Detective Harvey Bullock: [aside to Montoya] Poor kid. I sent her old man up the river three months ago.
- [to Mary]
- Detective Harvey Bullock: Listen, kid, I'd like to help you, but it's like this...
- [sighs]
- Detective Harvey Bullock: What I'm trying to say is, sometimes even Santa can't make every wish come true.
- [gives Mary money]
- Detective Harvey Bullock: Ah, here, buy yourself something nice.
- Mary McSweeney: [hugs him] Thank you, Santa! Can I get something for my daddy, too?
- Detective Harvey Bullock: As long as it ain't a hacksaw, why not?
- Little Boy: [Bullock is doing undercover as a mall Santa] You're not the real Santy Claus.
- Detective Harvey Bullock: Sure I am. Wanna see my gun?
- Poison Ivy: Step lively there, Brucie.
- Harley Quinn: Look! Pianos!
- Bruce Wayne: I've had just about enough of this.
- Harley Quinn: I think the stuff is wearing off.
- Poison Ivy: Can't have that.
- [giving Harley her lipstick tube]
- Poison Ivy: Give him another shot.
- Harley Quinn: [applying it] Right-a-rooney!
- [advancing on Bruce]
- Harley Quinn: Gimme some sugar, baby.
- Poison Ivy: [getting captured by Batman] Well, here's your stupid tree. You happy?
- Harley Quinn: [content] Yeah.
- Poison Ivy: So, where to now?
- Harley Quinn: Any place is fine by me, as long as it's away from that guy.
- [they shriek as they see Batman in pursuit]
- Poison Ivy: May we give you a ride, Mr. Wayne?
- Bruce Wayne: No, thanks. I have my own car.
- Harley Quinn: Oh, but we insist.
- Poison Ivy: [looking in the window, he realizes who it is] Season's greetings, Brucie. Your two favorite party girls are out for some Christmas fun.
- Harley Quinn: [pulling him into the car] Ivy zapped you with her special lipstick back at the party.
- Poison Ivy: Now we've got Gotham's handsomest, wealthiest bachelor to treat us to a holiday shopping spree!
- Veronica Vreeland: So, tell me, Bruce, what does Gotham's most eligible bachelor have planned for the holidays? Skiing in the Alps? Sunning in the Bahamas? And more importantly, who's he taking?
- Bruce Wayne: Actually, I was planning on a quiet Christmas alone, Veronica.
- Veronica Vreeland: Really? I wouldn't tell them that.
- Bruce Wayne: Who's "them"?
- [turning, he sees a group of fawning socialites nearby]
- Poison Ivy: I'll bet you've been a good little batboy this year. Unfortunately, Harley and I are still on the naughty list.
- Harley Quinn: Come on up and get your presents.
- [Batman climbs a tower of toys]
- Poison Ivy: [in waiting with a boxing glove on] Merry Christmas, darling.
- [as she punches him, he falls but catches himself on a ledge and climbs to safety]
- Harley Quinn: [appearing behind him with a mallet] And happy new year, chump!
- Det. Renee Montoya: You know, you could be a little jolly, Saint Nick.
- Det. Harvey Bullock: Gimme a break, Montoya. This is the lamest stakeout I've ever been on.
- The Joker: [hitting Batman with a champagne bucket] Poor Bats. That champagne went right to your head. Now you'll miss the big countdown.
- [the bell laden with his explosives is raised]
- The Joker: [getting popped in the eye with the cork] Ow!
- [Batman uses the champagne to short out the controls; as the bell reaches its zenith, the explosives detonate]
- The Joker: [cackling, he sees the bell in freefall] Oh, no.
- [the bell lands with a crash, pinning him underneath]
- The Joker: Ouch.
- Det. Harvey Bullock: Hold it, freak, or we'll drill you!
- Clayface: Ooh, you're scaring me, tubby.
- [hocking, he spits mud into the muzzle of their guns]
- Clayface: Great thing about being a shapeshifter.
- [shifting his head into Bullock, then Montoya]
- Clayface: I can blend in with the crowd outside, make my getaway, and rip off some other joint. Once you two are out of the way, ain't gonna be no one to stop me.
- Batgirl: Don't bet on it, gruesome!
- Joe: Happy New Year, commish. I heard your buddy had a rough night. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't show this time.
- Commissioner James Gordon: And break our tradition? In fact, unless I miss my guess...
- [hearing a nearby door close]
- Commissioner James Gordon: ...that's him now.
- [Batman enters]
- Commissioner James Gordon: How's that arm?
- Batman: Better than the Joker's.
- Robin: You're sure he'll be here?
- Batman: With murder on this scale, Joker will be close by to enjoy his handiwork. Even in this crowd, he'll stick out like a sore thumb.
- Robin: [seeing the party guests all wearing Joker masks] You were saying?
- Batman: Not only has Joker found the perfect hiding place, he's fixed it so all his victims will die with a smile.
- Commissioner James Gordon: Joker broadcast that message at noon. Since then, only one victim has turned up.
- [Robin takes the police report]
- Commissioner James Gordon: Dr. John Erickson, a pioneer in sonic research at GothCorp.
- Robin: Says here he was working on some special weapon.
- Commissioner James Gordon: A sort of sonic bomb. Once activated, the device releases waves of hypersound, strong enough to kill anyone within earshot. Unless they're wearing these special mufflers.
- Batman: Joker's got the bomb, and he's gonna use it tonight. He promised a countdown of victims, and there's no bigger countdown on New Year's Eve than at Gotham Square.