- The Joker: [Batman destroys Captain Clown by pushing him into a garbage disposal] You killed Captain Clown! YOU KILLED CAPTAIN CLOWN! Just for that, Batman...
- [activates a crane to dump an entire truckload of garbage on Batman]
- The Joker: Hey, Batman! You stink so bad I can smell you from here!
- [laughing]
- The Joker: Pee-uuuu! Pew, pew, pew!
- The Joker: Justice is best served hot, Batman! You're going to melt just like a grilled cheese sandwich!
- The Joker: Time to take out the garbage.
- [Captain Clown tosses Batman into a trash can, and Joker puts a lid on]
- The Joker: I just love these new ziplock seals. We wouldn't want our little caged rodent to suffocate...
- [drawing a dagger and stabbing the can]
- The Joker: ...so we'll just punch some air holes!
- Batman: Alfred, I left the hex key upstairs in the den. Would you bring it down?
- Alfred Pennyworth: Oh, go fetch it yourself!
- [Blows raspberry]
- Batman: Very funny, Alfred. But I've no time to play.
- Alfred Pennyworth: Well, you'll be happy to know I've drawn you a bath. Whenever you're ready, sir.
- [Bruce approaches the tub, which is empty]
- Bruce Wayne: What's the deal, Alfred?
- [Alfred holds up a small card, with a picture of a tub on it]
- Alfred Pennyworth: I said I "drew you a bath," sir. April Fools!
- Bruce Wayne: Very funny, Alfred. I guess I'll just take a shower.
- Alfred Pennyworth: [to himself] Not a funnybone in his entire body.
- The Joker: [at a waste disposal plant] Get ready, boys. Here it comes. This'll give those April fools a lot more smiles per gallon.
- Summer Gleeson: I'm here in downtown Gotham, where corporate CEOs have gone stark raving mad. It would appear that the collapse of the stock market is now imminent. The question is, will April Fool's Day mark the end of Gotham City as we know it?
- The Joker: [turning off the TV] The only things gaining now are the laughingstocks.