Batman: The Animated Series (TV Series)

Joker's Favor (1992)

Ed Begley Jr.: Charlie Collins

Quotes 

• The Joker : There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me?

  Charles 'Charlie' Michael Collins : Listen, I'm sorry, really. I had a bad day. Boss turned down my raise, and...

  The Joker : Now look, my rude friend, we can't have people cursing at each other on the freeway. It's simply not polite!

  [jumps down and grabs Charlie] 

  The Joker : I'm just going to have to teach you some manners.

• Charles 'Charlie' Michael Collins : [a motorist just cut him off]  Hey, buddy! Yeah, I'm talking to you, clown! You think you own the whole road? Why for two cents, I'd...

  [the motorist turns to reveal himself as the Joker] 

  Charles 'Charlie' Michael Collins : That was the Joker! I cussed out the Joker!

  The Joker : [later on; two pennies are tossed at Charlie's side]  There's your two cents. Now, what are you going to do to me?

• The Joker : Here's the deal. I'll let you off, if you promise to do a little favor for me.

  Charles 'Charlie' Michael Collins : Okay. What?

  The Joker : I DON'T KNOW! I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF IT YET! You just toddle on back to your mundane, meaningless little life, and when I need you... I'll call.

• Charlie Collins : Hold it!

  The Joker : Oh, come on.

  Charlie Collins : I said, HOLD IT!

  [slugs Joker in the gut, knocking him to the ground] 

  The Joker : You miserable little nobody! If I get caught, your wife and son are history!

  Charlie Collins : You're not getting caught. Not this time! I found this blown out of the van.

  [reveals a Joker bomb] 

  Charlie Collins : This is how it ends, Joker! No big schemes! No grand fight to the finish with the Dark Knight! Tomorrow, all the papers will say is it the great Joker was found blown to bits in an alley, alongside a miserable little nobody! Kinda funny - ironic, really. See, I can destroy a man's dreams, too! And that's really the only dream you've got, isn't it?

  The Joker : Look, Charlie! You've had a busy day. All this running around, all this excitement with...

  [yells] 

  The Joker : BATMAN!

  The Joker : [to Charlie]  Stop! Y-you're crazy!

  Charlie Collins : I had a good teacher!

  [chuckles] 

  Charlie Collins : Say goodnight, Gracie!

  The Joker : No! Batman! BATMAN!

  [gasps with relief to see Batman appear] 

  The Joker : How long have you been there?

  Batman : Long enough. Put it down, Charlie.

  Charlie Collins : You know he'll just escape again! This is the only way my family stays safe.

  The Joker : Alright, you win! Take it easy.

  [empties pockets] 

  The Joker : Here's everything on his blasted family: names, addresses, it's all there!

  [Batman grabs him] 

  The Joker : You're no fun anymore, Charlie.

  Charlie Collins : Hey, Joker!

  [Charlie tosses the bomb to Joker, who screams and hides behind Batman. It turns out the bomb is a dud. Trembling, the Joker looks out from behind Batman's shoulder] 

  Charlie Collins : Gotcha!

  Batman : [chuckles] 

  The Joker : [unamused]  Oh, very funny. A million laughs.

  Batman : Go home, Mr. Collins.

  Charlie Collins : Home! I never thought that could sound so good. I wonder what Bonnie's making for dinner. Right now, anything'd taste great - even meat loaf.

• The Joker : Okay, Chaz. When Harley knocks on the door three times, you open it.

  Charlie Collins : And...?

  The Joker : That's it!

  Charlie Collins : Wait. That's the favor? You called me here just to open a door?

  The Joker : Well, look at the size of that cake, man! She can't open the door and push it in all at once. Think!

• Charles 'Charlie' Michael Collins : You said you'd let me go home!

  The Joker : I never said ALIVE.

• Batman : He called you his hobby?

  Charlie Collins : Yeah. For two years he watched me like a bug in a jar. Watched and laughed and threatened my family. I had no choice, Batman, really.

• Charles 'Charlie' Michael Collins : Oh, swell! Some nut makes trouble and for that, makes me late for the ball game! Perfect ending for an awful day. Boss turns me down for a raise, my kid needs braces, and Bonnie's making meat loaf for dinner... at what point exactly did I become life's punching bag?

• Charlie Collins : [cowering from the Joker]  Please don't. I have a family. A wife, a little boy. Please. I'll do anything to make it up. Anything.

  The Joker : Anything, says you?

  Charlie Collins : Uh-huh.

  The Joker : [letting him go]  Okey-dokey. Wallet.

  Charlie Collins : Oh, sure. Uh... I-I don't have much cash.

  The Joker : Oh, please! Don't insult me.

  [taking his driver's license out] 

  The Joker : "Charles Michael Collins." That's you! Tsk, tsk, tsk. Lousy picture, though. Low-sy.

• The Joker : Hello, Charlie.

  Charlie Collins : Wrong number, pal. My name's Don.

  The Joker : Oh, no, no, no. This *is* the right number, Charles Michael Collins. Oh, I don't know why you changed your name to Don Wallace and moved your family to 12 Marigold Lane, Springdale, Ohio. One might think you were trying to skip out on our little deal.

  [to Harley, who's cutting his hair] 

  The Joker : Leave the sideburns.

• Charlie Collins : How did you find me?

  The Joker : Oh, I never lost you, Chaz. You've become my... hobby!

  [cackling] 

  The Joker : Now, listen up, Charlie Brown. You're booked on the next flight to Gotham. Tell the family you have to visit a sick friend. Oh, and let's keep this to ourselves, 'kay?

  [as Charlie looks at his family outside, Joker's goons drive by] 

  The Joker : Bad things happen to people who gossip. Capisce, Carlo?