Batman: The Animated Series (TV Series)

Almost Got 'im (1992)

Paul Williams: The Penguin, Oswald Cobblepot

Photos 

Quotes 

• Two-Face : Poison Ivy.

  Poison Ivy : It's been a long time, Harvey. You're still looking around halfway decent.

  Two-Face : Half of me wants to strangle ya.

  Poison Ivy : And what does the other half want?

  Two-Face : To hit ya with a truck.

  Poison Ivy : We used to date.

  The Joker , The Penguin , Killer Croc : Ah.

• The Penguin : So, I hear You-Know-Who nailed The Mad Hatter last week...

  The Joker : No kidding! He sure gets around for one guy.

  Two-Face : Yeah, well, that's where you're wrong. I don't think it is one guy.

  Killer Croc : Huh?

  Two-Face : The way I figure it, Gordon's got a bunch of them stashed someplace, like a S.W.A.T. team. He wants you to think it's one guy, but...

  The Joker : Ah, you're always seeing double.

  The Penguin : It's obvious our caped friend suffered some crime-related trauma when he was younger. Perhaps an over-anxious mugger blew off a piece of his face.

  The Joker : Sure, he could be all gross and disgusting under that mask!

  [Dent, who was adding cream to his coffee, crushes the carton] 

  The Joker : Uh, no offense, Harv.

  Two-Face : Just deal...

  Killer Croc : Well, you know what I think?

  The Joker : Not the robot theory again...

  Killer Croc : Well, he could be.

• Killer Croc : You'd think one of us would've got 'im by now...

  The Penguin : I've come the closest.

  Poison Ivy : Are you kidding? I was the one who nearly...

  Two-Face : [pounds the table]  Nobody's come closer to stopping the Batman than ME!

  [a squabble breaks out, which the Joker ends with a whistle] 

  The Joker : The fact is each of us has their own "almost got 'im" story to tell...

• The Penguin : [all the villains have weapons trained on Killer Croc, who is really Batman in disguise]  Well, well, an impostor in our midst!

  Poison Ivy : Risking everything for your kitty, Batman?

  Two-Face : You're not getting outta this one!

  Batman : Maybe

  [snaps his fingers. Everyone in the bar turns around and trains guns on the villains] 

  Batman : but I'm not bad with traps, myself.

• [the Penguin lures and traps Batman in a bird conservatory] 

  The Penguin : Greetings, Batman! You have taken the bait, as I knew you would. Now, prepare to meet your end, within my Aviary of Doom!

  Poison Ivy : [interrupting]  Aviary of WHAT?

  The Joker : Yeesh, Pengers! How corny can you get?

  The Penguin : Fah! Just because you mundane miscreants have no drama in your souls! Anyway, there he was in my av... uh, big birdhouse...

• The Penguin : [unleashing a batch of birds on Batman]  Beautiful, aren't they? Like glittering fragments of the rainbow. By the way, that mist I sprayed on you is derived from the nectar these birds drink. It's quite harmless. Their poison-tipped beaks, however, are not.

  [he tries to fight them off] 

  The Penguin : A scratch or two will merely slow you down. Three or four, and you'll start to get drowsy. And after that, well... I wish I could say it's been nice knowing you.

• Two-Face : Whose deal is it?

  The Penguin : Mine. I find your middling machinations mildly diverting. But, for sheer criminal genius, none surpasses my most recent ornithologically-inspired entoilment.

  The Joker : Smaller words, please. You're losing Croc.

  Killer Croc : [Confused]  Uhhh...

• The Penguin : Naturally, I had flown the coop by the time he escaped. Still, I almost got 'im.

  The Joker : Not even close! You see, the thing you're forgetting is that there are all sorts of ways to "get" someone. Take my latest run-in with Batsy. It was just last night, as the entire country was tuning in to its favorite talk show.

• [the Joker wins the poker game] 

  Poison Ivy : Awww...

  Two-Face : No way!

  Killer Croc : Forget this!

  The Penguin : Let me see those cards!

• [first lines] 

  [a poker game starts at the Stacked Deck Club] 

  The Joker : I want a nice, clean game, gentlemen.

  The Penguin : That'll be a first...