Barney Miller (TV Series)

Graft (1975)

Hal Linden: Capt. Barney Miller

Photos 

Quotes 

• Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : Hey, Barney? If a police officer loses his badge, does he report it to his superior or just wait til somebody turns it in?

  Capt. Barney Miller : He reports it to his superior officer.

  Det. Stan 'Wojo' Wojciehowicz : I lost my badge.

• Det. Phil Fish : [talking about Kelly]  He was probably snooping around into our personnel files and came up with something really big.

  Capt. Barney Miller : Like what?

  Det. Phil Fish : Like the fact that I cheated on my income tax.

  Capt. Barney Miller : When was that?

  Det. Phil Fish : About nine, ten years ago. I went to a police convention in San Francisco, and I deducted all the expenses for Bernice.

  Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : There's nothing illegal about that.

  Det. Phil Fish : Yes, there is. I didn't take Bernice.

  Capt. Barney Miller : Did the I.R.S. find out about it?

  Det. Phil Fish : Yeah, they disallowed it and they took it out the next year.

  Capt. Barney Miller : Well, if you're straight with the government, Kelly can't hurt you.

  Det. Phil Fish : I'm not worried about Kelly, I'm worried about Bernice.

• Capt. Barney Miller : [to Kelly]  How do you like narcotics?

  Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana : They haven't helped him a bit.

  Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : Kelly's been promoted. Yeah, he's a snooper now.

  Capt. Barney Miller : Internal affairs?

  [Kelly nods] 

• Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : Hey, Barney, do you think Kelly's just a big mouth or is he really going to try to make trouble?

  Capt. Barney Miller : I think Kelly is just a big mouth who is really going to try to make trouble.

• Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : I think Kelly's on to something international. He's after me.

  Capt. Barney Miller : What did you do?

  Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : Me? I didn't do anything, but my brother-in-law is New York illegally from Argentina.

  Capt. Barney Miller : Where is he?

  Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : He's hiding in the cellar of a condemned rat-infested building on the West Side. Right across the street.

  Capt. Barney Miller : Well, you better do something about it before Immigration finds out.

  Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : Yeah, well, I told him, "Hey, you gotta go back to South America, get a visa, then come back to the United States, to New York, take the test, and then become a citizen of the United States."

  Capt. Barney Miller : What did he say to that?

  Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : He don't think it's worth it.

• Capt. Barney Miller : What are you looking at ?

  Elizabeth Miller : I'm thinking you don't discuss police business, the way you don't drink

  Capt. Barney Miller : A man has to drink and talk with someone

• Capt. Barney Miller : You never forget that your the wife of a police man, your not suppose to be obligated to anyone .

• Capt. Barney Miller : Kelly is after someone in a position of authority, looking for someone who has been doing a little chiseling under the table. Somebody whose wife has been doing a little chiseling under the table

• Capt. Barney Miller : All right Gentleman, we have all purged our souls, life goes on : Yemana - that's a police phone not a racing wire, and Chano - see if you can convince your brother-in-law that there is still some hope for us, ah, Wojo - when you take that Sergeants exam, wear a clean shirt, Fish -...

  Det. Phil Fish : Don't waste a warning on me