- Young Carl: [flashback to when Carl was a child and received carpet as a Christmas present] Hey! It's like a magic flying carpet, here. Look at this! I'm flying around in Egypt land!
- Carl's Dad: Yeah, cute. Don't get too attached there, Aladdin, 'cause it's about to be magic flying dinner.
- Young Carl: You can't eat carpet, silly daddy.
- Carl's Dad: No, of course you can't, like that. You gotta boil it, till the glue gets soft.
- Robot: Well, this is going to take a long time, so you may want to get some snacks.
- Frylock: No, no, that's all right. I think I can wait for it.
- Shake: Well, I'M going to get food.
- Robot: THOUSANDS OF YEARS AGO, before the dawn of man as we knew him, there was Sir Santa of Claus, an ape-like creature making crude and pointless toys out of dinobones and his own waste, hurling them at chimp-like creatures with crinkled hands regardless of how they behaved the previous year. These so-called "toys" were buried as witches, and defecated upon, and hurled at predators when wakened by the searing grunts of children. It wasn't a holly jolly Christmas that year. For many were killed.
- Frylock: Well, that still doesn't tell me why you...
- Robot: I'm not finished. YOU should have gotten a snack. A war-like race of elves from the Red Planet landed on the ice-encased Earth, and they were immediately enslaved by the unevolved Santa Ape to make his confused toys using galactic elfin technology. Toys were made into recognizable shapes and given names like "train, " but these toys were also thrown at predators and defecated upon because they were so stupid. Christmas still sucked, in a big way.
- Meatwad: Boy, this IS a long story. Maybe I WILL get something to eat.
- Carl: Yeah, I think I'm gonna get drunk while I listen.
- Robot: [referring to new neighbor, Glenn Danzig] I cannot live with that guy. He is so annoying, he is so frightening, and he doesn't wear a shirt.
- Master Shake: You make our house bleed, right now!
- Glenn Danzig: Now, uh, is there a way to get the blood to flow up the walls?
- Robot: I don't see why not.
- Glenn Danzig: How much you want?
- Carl: I don't know, maybe, I don't know... . a million?
- Glenn Danzig: Killer. Draft a check tomorrow.
- Carl: You're serious. Thank you, God!