- Wakko: Maybe you should see a P-psychiatrist.
- Dr. Scratchensniff: I AM a P-psych... I mean, a psychiatrist!
- Dr. Scratchensniff: I know what you kids want... you want to talk to Mr. Puppet Head!
- [imitating another character]
- Dr. Scratchensniff: Hello, kids. I'm Mr. Puppet Head. Tell me why you kids make the jokes?
- [the Warners are silent]
- Dr. Scratchensniff: Why aren't you talking to Mr. Puppet Head? No no, it's very simple watch this... Hello, Mr. Puppet Head. How are you?
- [imitating Mr. Puppet Head]
- Dr. Scratchensniff: I am fine, Dr. Scratchensniff. How are you?
- [normal voice]
- Dr. Scratchensniff: I am fine, Mr. Puppet Head. Did you have a yummy breakfast?
- [imitating Mr. Puppet Head]
- Dr. Scratchensniff: Oh, yes. Very yummy. How was your breakfast?
- [normal voice]
- Dr. Scratchensniff: Mine was as yummy as yours.
- [to the Warners]
- Dr. Scratchensniff: Now, you see? Isn't that easy?
- Yakko: Are you sure you don't need to see a P-psychiatrist?
- Dr. Scratchensniff: I AM a P-psych... I mean a psychiatrist! I AM! I AM! I AM!
- [uses the hand his puppet is on to tear off his hair]
- Yakko: Mr. Puppet Head's hungry.
- Dr. Scratchensniff: [showing Dot an inkblot] What do you see here?
- Dot: I'd say you're not a very good artist.
- Dr. Scratchensniff: I didn't draw it.
- Dot: Then whoever did needs to go back to school.
- Dr. Scratchensniff: No, no. It's an inkblot.
- Dot: I'll say.
- Dr. Scratchensniff: It's not supposed to look like anything!
- Dot: Then you did a very good job.
- Dr. Scratchensniff: I DIDN'T DRAW IT! Don't you think it looks like a little kitty cat or a butterfly or something?
- Dot: No.
- [takes off the inkblot and changes it into a butterfly]
- Dot: THAT'S a butterfly.
- Dr. Scratchensniff: What is on your mind?
- Wakko: My hat.
- Dr. Scratchensniff: No, your hat is on your head. What is on your MIND?
- Wakko: My... skin?
- Dr. Scratchensniff: No, that's on your head. What is on your MIND?
- Wakko: Oh, I got it! My hair!
- Dr. Scratchensniff: Your hair is on your head!
- [tears off some of his hair]
- Dr. Scratchensniff: THIS IS HAIR! THIS IS HAIR! IT'S NOT ON MY MIND! IT'S ON MY HEAD!
- Wakko: No, it's in your hand.
- Dr. Scratchensniff: Any word that comes to mind.
- Yakko: Brain.
- Dr. Scratchensniff: But we haven't started.
- Yakko: Begun.
- Dr. Scratchensniff: No, wait.
- Yakko: Yield.
- Dr. Scratchensniff: Stop!
- Yakko: Cease.
- Dr. Scratchensniff: SILENCE!
- Yakko: Quiet.
- Dr. Scratchensniff: ENOUGH!
- Yakko: Plenty.
- Dr. Scratchensniff: Would you please listen?
- Yakko: Hear.
- Dr. Scratchensniff: NO, YOU STUPID KID! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!
- Yakko: Comprehend.
- Dr. Scratchensniff: Get out! Get out! Get OUT!
- Yakko: Leave, leave, leave.
- Dr. Scratchensniff: These Varner Brothers are driving me crazy!
- Yakko: Insane. Unhinged. Demented.
- Narrator: Inside the Water Tower room there was a log flume and a picture of a big baboon.
- Ralph the Guard: Huh?
- Narrator: And three little toons acting like goons.
- Yakko: I'm Yakko
- Wakko: I'm Wakko.
- Dot: And I'm cute!
- Narrator: A dog and a cat.
- Runt: Cat? Where's a cat?
- Narrator: And a big-headed rat
- The Brain: I'm a mouse, not a rat.
- Marita Hippo: Flavio, are we actually fat?
- Flavio Hippo: No, my delectable. We are simply bigger than life itself
- Narrator: Nighty-night squirrel lady in nightgown and cap.
- Slappy Squirrel: For crying out loud will you button your yap!
- Dr. Scratchensniff: So tell me more about these dreams you've been having Mr. Reagan?
- Ronald Reagan: Well, in my dreams I'm President of the United States.
- [Dr. Scratchensniff writes down on his notepad "DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR" and "INCURABLE"]
- Dr. Scratchensniff: Do you know who I am?
- [the Warners run to three contestant podiums with their names. Yakko pushes a button on his]
- Yakko: Dr. Otto Scratchensniff world famous psycho-analyst to the stars?
- Dr. Scratchensniff: Correct.
- Yakko: I won! I won!
- [he leaps into Scratchensniff's arms]
- Yakko: What did I win?
- Dr. Scratchensniff: Nothing.
- Yakko: Say what kinda game show is this?
- Dr. Scratchensniff: This isn't a game show.
- Yakko: I'll say it isn't. Nobody wins anything. You'll be lucky to be on the air for one week.
- Dr. Scratchensniff: What do you want?
- Yakko: We asked you first.
- Dr. Scratchensniff: Well, I want... no you didn't!
- Dot: Well we meant to.
- Dot: Did ya miss us?
- Dr. Scratchensniff: I don't even know you.
- Wakko, Yakko: We're the Warner Brothers!
- Dot: And the Warner Sister!