- Sheriff Andy Taylor: [Standing in the middle of the room in his shirt and boxers] No, sir! You hand 'em over! I can put on my own pants!
- Malcolm Merriweather: [holding Andy's pants] But, sir, the Colonel always...
- Sheriff Andy Taylor: Never mind the Colonel! Gimme my pants!
- Malcolm Merriweather: [rides his bike over to Andy] Eh, excuse me, Constable. Eh, you *are* the constable, aren't you? I mean, I saw the car with the thingamajig on top and, uh, I took it for granted you might be in the way of being a constable.
- Andy Taylor: Well, yeah, I'm the constable. Actually, I'm the sheriff.
- Malcolm Merriweather: [looks impressed] Are ya really? Ain't that wonderful, eh? He-e-ey! Might I ask a question?
- Andy Taylor: Sure. What is it?
- Malcolm Merriweather: Uh, where could I find a constable?
- Andy Taylor: Well, I *am* the constable. Sheriff and constable kinda the same thing.
- Malcolm Merriweather: [says with amazement] Get away!
- Andy Taylor: The fact is, it's a terrible thing, the High Sheriff having to tie his own tie. Worst of all, Opie's back there having to eat eggs without faces on them! You call that living correctly?
- Barney Fife: [privately to Andy, noting Malcolm's British accent] I don't think he's from around here. Fact is, I'd say he's from...
- [looks at Malcolm]
- Barney Fife: ... somewhere's else.
- Andy Taylor: [withholding the fact he met Malcolm earlier] You think so?
- Barney Fife: He's a troublemaker from another country!
- Andy Taylor: Do you really think so?
- Barney Fife: Yeah, he's a foreigner, all right. Maybe Canada. Whadda you think?
- Andy Taylor: You know where he just might be from?
- Barney Fife: Hmm?
- Andy Taylor: Heckmondwike, England.
- [Barney gives Andy a look]
- Andy Taylor: Ask him!
- Barney Fife: Where you from, fella?
- Malcolm Merriweather: Heckmondwike, England.
- [Barney gives Andy a look of curiosity. Andy shrugs like it was a lucky guess]
- Malcolm Merriweather: I might have traveled the length and breadth of America without ever finding out what Americans were really like. I used to think you were quite different, you know. Then I came into your home and saw how you lived. You're not different at all, really, and if it hadn't been for your dad, none of this would have been possible.