- John Cage: [regarding Liza Bump] All right. Your Honor, let the record reflect she just grazed my johnson.
- [after Liza Bump leaves]
- Nell Porter: John? We have to get that little bitch.
- John Cage: Have no fear, Nelle. She is a bagel.
- Nell Porter: A bagel?
- John Cage: I meant to say toast. No fear.
- Richard Fish: Look, Liza. We're lawyers. It's our job to make people hate each other. You can't hold us liable...
- Todd Merrick: I asked you out.
- Ally McBeal: Why?
- Todd Merrick: Because I like to fight. I love neurosis and I see you as someone I could live miserably ever after with.
- [Ally gives him a look]
- Todd Merrick: I mean that in a good way. You push my buttons.
- Liza Bump: [letting go of John's cheek] Pinch a cheek, let go. Duh! Common sense, I'm young, I'll learn.