All in the Family (TV Series)

Edith's Problem (1972)

Carroll O'Connor: Archie Bunker

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mike Stivic : [Edith is going through menopause]  What did the doctor say?

  Archie Bunker : He just said that menopause is a pretty tough time to be going through; especially for nervous types.

  Mike Stivic : So?

  Archie Bunker : So he prescribed these here pills.

  [takes bottle of pills out of paper bag] 

  Mike Stivic : Oh, good.

  Archie Bunker : I gotta take three of 'em a day.

• Mike Stivic : Hey it just occurred to me, Mickey Mouse is black.

  Archie Bunker : Mickey Mouse ain't got no race. He represents all men.

  Mike Stivic : Oh, I guess that's why Walt made him a mouse.

• Archie Bunker : Here's something we can see in Disney World. They got an all bear band.

  Edith Bunker : They got a naked band at Disney World?

• Edith Bunker : I hate bears.

  Archie Bunker : Well they ain't real bears, they...

  Edith Bunker : I hate all bears.

  Archie Bunker : Edith, I'm trying to show you...

  Edith Bunker : STIFLE.

• Archie Bunker : After twenty years of stifles, the dingbat turns on me.

• Archie Bunker : I know all about your woman's troubles there, Edith, but when I had the hernia that time, I didn't make you wear the truss. If you're gonna have the change of life, you gotta do it right now. I'm gonna give you just 30 seconds. Now c'mon and change.

  Edith Bunker : Can I finish my soup first?

• [Archie and Edith are planning a trip to Disney World] 

  Mike Stivic : You know it just occurred to me - Mickey Mouse is black.

  Archie Bunker : Aww get out of here with that! Mickey Mouse has no race. He stands for all men.

• [Edith is going through menopause, and Archie is planning a trip, with Doctor's orders to be patient with her] 

  Edith Bunker : I wanna talk about where we're going.

  Archie Bunker : Well, that's fine, there, Edith. If you want to talk about Florida, let's talk about Florida. And by the way, we ain't confirmed about going there yet.

  Edith Bunker : No, no, no! Not Florida! I want to go to Scranton.

  Archie Bunker : Scranton?

  [Forces himself to calm down] 

  Archie Bunker : Edith, uh, what is in Scranton?

  Edith Bunker : My cousin Emily.

  Archie Bunker : [Anger mounting]  Your cousin Emily?

  Edith Bunker : You hate Emily!

  Archie Bunker : [In a reasonable tone]  No, no, no, no, I don't, Edith. I don't hate Emily. I never said that, I never said that at all. No, I like her, and I like their little home in Scranton, there, and those four cute teenagers. I think her husband is a real nice guy, and I, I can't say that...

  [Loses it] 

  Archie Bunker : I can't go on like this, that's one thing I can't do! I can't believe a word of anything I'm saying around here! This ain't natural! No, I don't like her, and I don't like her husband! He's a bum, and he always was, and she's a crank, and she always was! And I hate their four rotten kids! And the only way you're gettin' me to go to Scranton is if some screwball hijacks the airplane! I know all about your women's troubles there, Edith, but when I had the hernia that time I didn't make you wear the truss!

  Michael 'Meathead' Stivic : Come on, Archie!

  Gloria Bunker-Stivic : Daddy!

  Archie Bunker : No, no, no, Edith! If you're gonna have the change of life, you gotta do it right now! I'm gonna give you just thirty seconds. Now, come on, change!