- Morticia Addams: I think we ought to leave Lurch alone with his harpsichord for the rest of the day.
- Gomez Addams: Excellent idea, Cara mia. We'll spend the afternoon at Lover's Leap.
- Uncle Fester: What'll I do there?
- Gomez Addams: We'll make love, and you'll leap.
- Gomez Addams: [Fester has measured the old harpsichord] 36-21-36? By George, those are Morticia's measurements exactly. This is gonna be fun!
- Morticia Addams: [listening on the phone] You don't say... you don't say!
- Gomez Addams: What do they say?
- Uncle Fester: You heard her, they don't say!
- Gomez Addams: We must find some way to fill this void in his life.
- Uncle Fester: I could give him Yvette's adress.
- Gomez Addams: Who's Yvette?
- Uncle Fester: My French penpal, at the Follies Bergere.
- Gomez Addams: Lurch needs more than a penpal.
- Uncle Fester: Ok, send her the fare and she'll come over in person.
- Morticia Addams: I think Lurch needs a new cultural interest.
- Gomez Addams: Yes...
- Uncle Fester: Well, if you ever have a problem with me, send for Yvette.
- Mr. Oscar Belmont: This harpsichord, for example - most unusual.
- Morticia Addams: It's a genuine 1503 Krumpnik. It was in Cousin Krimp's family for over 400 years.
- Gomez Addams: Cousin Krimp used to love playing it. Played 4-handed pieces on it - all by himself.
- [Mr. Belmont kisses harpsichord before leaving]
- Morticia Addams: He is a music lover, isn't he?
- Gomez Addams: He reminds me of Aunt Trivia.
- Morticia Addams: Oh, was Aunt Trivia a music lover?
- Gomez Addams: No, she just liked to go around kissing harpsichords.
- Morticia Addams: So you see, Lurch, in as much as you love the harpsichord so, the real public benefactors wouldn't be us, it would be you.
- Gomez Addams: We even instruct the museum, Lurch, to name you as donor.
- Morticia Addams: What do you say to that?
- Lurch: I quit.
- Gomez Addams: No, Lurch... Lurch, y-you can't quit. Y-you're like one of the family.
- Morticia Addams: Oh, think of all those glorious, happy years we've spent together. Think of the children. Think of Mama and Uncle Fester.
- [Lurch thinks for a moment]
- Lurch: I quit.
- Morticia Addams: [near tears as Lurch exits dejectedly] Oh, Gomez, I think we've wounded him beyond repair.
- Gomez Addams: Cara mia, it's your imagination.
- Lurch: [from another part of the house] Ohhhhhhhhhhh.
- Gomez Addams: What's that?
- Morticia Addams: My imagination.
- Morticia Addams: I do hope Lurch doesn't find out what you're doing down here. You will work quietly, won't you?
- Uncle Fester: Oh, don't worry, Morticia. I sound-proofed the saw. See? No teeth!
- Gomez Addams: After all, how long does it take to build a harpsichord?
- Morticia Addams: Two days?
- Gomez Addams: Oh, we better be on the safe side - make it three.
- [Two moving men enter, but are frightened by Lurch's appearance]
- Lurch: You wanted something?
- 1st Moving Man: No, uh, I mean yes. Just the harpsichord.
- 2nd Moving Man: We were supposed to p-pick it up tomorrow...
- 1st Moving Man: ...but, uh, as long as we were in the neighborhood...
- 2nd Moving Man: ...we thought we'd get it today.
- 1st Moving Man: But we can come back tomorrow.
- 2nd Moving Man: Yeah, we can send somebody else tomorrow.
- Lurch: [disbelievingly] You want my harpsichord?
- 1st Moving Man: No, we don't want it. Mr. Belmont wants it.
- 2nd Moving Man: For the museum.
- Lurch: [angry] But it's mine!
- 1st Moving Man: S-sure... sure... But... we have a... a pick-up order.
- [the 1st Moving Man ever so cautiously hands the order over to Lurch]
- Lurch: [crumpling the work order] Betrayed!
- 1st Moving Man: Uh, not by us. Look, uh, maybe we're in the wrong place altogether.
- 2nd Moving Man: Yeah, the wrong place.
- [the frightened men are more than ready to get out of there]
- Lurch: [decisively] Stop! Take it.
- 1st Moving Man: Really?
- Lurch: [furious] Take it!
- [Espying Lurch heading toward the door with his packed carpet bag]
- Gomez Addams: Lurch, where are you going?
- Uncle Fester: What's that in your hand?
- Morticia Addams: Where are you going?
- Gomez Addams: Answer the third question first.
- Morticia Addams: What? Uh, yes, where are you going?
- Lurch: Home, to Mama.
- Morticia Addams: Nonsense!
- Uncle Fester: Easy, Lurch. You'll lose your pension rights.
- Lurch: Nobody cares about me.
- Gomez Addams: Of course we care about you, Lurch.
- Morticia Addams: We all love you, Lurch.
- Uncle Fester: Oh, now, let's not get sick'ning. I like ya, Lurch, but I don't love ya.
- Morticia Addams: Gomez, darling, it's wonderful the way you just leap in and take charge, lead the way.
- Gomez Addams: That's what they said about old Commodore Addams.
- Morticia Addams: Oh? When he lead his men into battle?
- Gomez Addams: Off his sinking ship.
- Morticia Addams: And what about Mr. Belmont?
- Gomez Addams: Oh, his trial comes up in three weeks.
- Morticia Addams: He'll get ten years.
- Gomez Addams: Why, Carida? I'm defending him.
- Morticia Addams: I'm glad.
- Gomez Addams: You're glad?
- Morticia Addams: Yes. He ought to get life, and with you defending him, he will.
- Uncle Fester: [watching Lurch play an imaginary harpsichord] He's flipped.
- Morticia Addams: Uncle Fester, I do not like profanity, but I'm afraid you're right. We've left Lurch in the lurch.