- Announcer: We interrupt with a special announcement: An hour ago a dangerous creature broke out of the city zoo. When last seen, the monster was heading for the Greenbrier-Woodlawn area.
- Morticia Addams: That's us again.
- Lurch: Shall I bolt the windows and doors?
- Gomez Addams: Nonsense. It's probably another relative.
- Park Commissioner Fiske: You, Smurch!
- Lurch: Lurch.
- Park Commissioner Fiske: Open that door!
- [Lurch groans]
- Gomez Addams: This may be the moment of truth.
- Morticia Addams: Darling, what do you mean?
- Gomez Addams: I didn't think you'd ask.
- Gomez Addams: [Hands Commissioner Fiske a check for a donation to the zoo] Here you are, sir. One hundred fifty thousand dollars and twenty cents.
- Park Commissioner Fiske: Twenty cents?
- Gomez Addams: I threw in your car fare.
- Park Commissioner Fiske: Oh, thank you! Thank you Uncle Fester! Thank you, Mrs. Addams! Thank you, Mr. Addams and thank you
- [shaking Thing's outstretched hand]
- Park Commissioner Fiske: ... uhhh ewwww ewwwwwhhh
- [shakes his head in disbelief and runs out the door]
- Morticia Addams: You're quite right, darling. He should slow down.
- Uncle Fester: [to Park Commisioner Fiske] When are you gonna get rid of all those awful robins and larks that you have in your parks? They just keep chirping and warbling...
- [Morticia has spoken French and, because of it, an impassioned Gomez has kissed his way up to her shoulder when the door bell rings]
- Morticia Addams: Darling, please, there's someone at the door.
- Gomez Addams: [not stopping] We're married.
- Gomez Addams: [watching Cousin Itt shinny up the side of the house and enter through an upper window] Good old Itty, comfortably settled in the attic before you can say "Sweep out the cobwebs."
- Morticia Addams: The perfect houseguest.
- [Due to a report of an escaped zoo animal in the neighborhood, the Addamses arm themselves for protection, but after Gomez's hat is shot off, a family meeting is called]
- Gomez Addams: [wearily producing a paper] I'll read this again: "Order of the Day - Shooting will be confined to the escaped beast only, not at just anything that moves."
- Morticia Addams: This is rather like being in the jungle again, isn't it, dear?
- Gomez Addams: You were wonderful to have on safari, Tish. No one could skin a hippopotamus like you could.
- Morticia Addams: Oh, darling, any housewife could do that. You were the remarkable one.
- Gomez Addams: Well...
- Morticia Addams: I'll never forget when that tiger broke cover. He charged our gun-bearer.
- Gomez Addams: Ah, yes. Dear Ali-Koshva.
- Morticia Addams: Quick as a wink and without a moment's hesitation you snapped your gun to your shoulder and fired.
- Gomez Addams: Bagged ourselves a wonderful gun-bearer.
- [Morticia tells Fiske she'll not permit Cousin Itt to return with him to the zoo]
- Park Commissioner Fiske: [sarcastically] In case you change your mind, I'll reserve a cage for him. In fact, I'll reserve cages for all of you!
- Gomez Addams: [watching Fiske leave] Cages for all of us? I'm not sure I'd like that.
- Morticia Addams: Of course not, darling. We'll insist on one big family cage.
- Morticia Addams: No, no, Uncle Fester. There will be no shooting.
- Gomez Addams: It does disturb the neighbors.