- Ray Cross: [Yelling at the team] You're nuts!
- Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: [Yelling back] No, I'm not! I'm condiments! I've been promoted!
- "Hannibal" Smith: How does baloney and whole wheat sound?
- Murdock: Actually, Colonel, it makes almost no sound at all.
- Ted Jarrett: You'll never get away with this! You'll have a union in this Valley over my dead body!
- "Hannibal" Smith: That's exactly what I was telling our union members this morning!
- Murdock: We're working on a theme song and uniforms and I'm pushing for matching bow-ties, and not that clip-on junk, those are for geeks! And geeks are a whole 'nother union.
- Templeton "Faceman" Peck: By the way, I didn't catch the name.
- Old timer with truck: Didn't throw it.
- B.A. Baracus: [to one of Jarett's men] I don't like to hear about people starving, especially children.
- "Hannibal" Smith: Murdock, are you watching the road?
- Murdock: Well, sure, it's just laying there like a big ole tongue going aaaaaaaah.
- Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: [channeling a Ouija board] D... Decker is coming! Decker is coming!
- "Hannibal" Smith: You know, your first impression, mister, is just like a lizard's breath.
- Ray Cross: I haven't started to make a first impression yet.