- Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: [B.A.'s van has been stolen] Wait a minute, wait a minute... The little guy is in the v-v-van. They got my plant! He's been plantnabbed. Oh, they'll probably cut off a leaf and send it to me to prove they got it!
- "Hannibal" Smith: [B.A. picks up Tiny, pressing both hands against the side of Tiny's head] Now, unless you see some future for yourself in being an omelette, I suggest you speak up.
- "Faceman" Peck: You know, we're supposed to be in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. The Prince is real anxious to get back those two wives of his that were kidnapped by the Bedouin Sheik. Also, he's wiring to our account one milion Riyals.
- "Hannibal" Smith: That's nice.
- "Faceman" Peck: Isn't it?
- "B.A." Baracus: Hey man, I don't want those Riyows, or Ryhows, whatever it is, I want cash money!
- "Faceman" Peck: Which at the current range of exchange comes to 430.000 dollars, thank you very much.
- Tawnia Baker: You're doing it again, Face. Didn't Hannibal say to leave the keys in the ignition?
- Face: Aw, It's one thing to leave the car here in Siberia, but to leave the keys?
- Templeton Peck: Hey look, give me a week, huh? I'll be out selling every plant coat you got standing around on this lot.
- Sam Friendly: A week?
- Templeton Peck: Right.
- Sam Friendly: You got a day, big shot. Coat not included.
- Templeton Peck: Now I know why they call him Mr. Friendly.
- Templeton Peck: [quietly] Hannibal, this is disgusting. I'm selling used cars, do you know what that does to the self esteem of an artist like myself?
- John "Hannibal" Smith: [disguised as rich Johnny B] Ah, poor chap, sales not going well, what?
- Templeton Peck: Not going well? I had to slow down so half the stiffs around here don't think I, my customers are set-ups.
- Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [disguised as rich Johnny B] You know, B.A., your gold looks really good on me.
- Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: No it don't!
- Face: You know, we should have taken that job in Saudi Arabia, then all we'd have to worry about were camels.
- [B.A. growls at him]
- Templeton Peck: [Face kisses Cindy passionately in order to cover up his safe cracking] I've been wanting to do that from the moment I first met you.
- Cindy: It looks like we've got a lot in common.
- Templeton Peck: Really?
- Cindy: Pumpkin.
- [she kisses him again]
- Templeton Peck: Mr. Friendly, Johnny B. is here for his Porsche.
- Sam Friendly: It ain't here. Tell him it ain't here.
- Templeton Peck: Oh, but he's gonna...
- Sam Friendly: What do you want me to do, give birth to it, huh?
- Sam Friendly: [on the phone] Thank you, and hey, call me that name again and I'll cut your face off and sow it on upside down.
- Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Look at that old hearse over there. What a great way for four wanted guys to get into a funeral full of cops.
- "Hannibal" Smith: How come he punched you in the eye but he didn't fire you?
- Face: Well he may be mad, but he's not stupid. I sell a lot of cars.
- "Faceman": I don't think they're really going to chop your plant, Murdock, I mean, what's to be gained? A salad?