- Officer Don: Hamlet? The story is as old as time: Pretty boy son has a rich daddy, and a good-looking mommy. The uncle knocks off daddy, marries mommy, and he cuts pretty boy out of the action. So junior goes crazy and he kills them all. Not a pretty story... but there it is.
- [Don and Sally go into the kitchen]
- Tommy Solomon: [to Dick] Isn't that the plot to 'The Lion King'?
- Tommy Solomon: Remind me never to ask you for another favor again!
- Dr. Dick Solomon: You weren't right for the role.
- Harry Solomon: Hey, how'd the audition go?
- Tommy Solomon: I lost the part. The "Dy-reck-tor" didn't think I was good enough!
- Dr. Dick Solomon: You were good. You had delivery, presence, timing, you just didn't have that indefinable something extra.
- Tommy Solomon: I was just trying to score some points with my girlfriend. Is that too much to ask?
- Dr. Dick Solomon: 'Romeo & Juliet' is a Shakespearian tragedy. It has nothing to do with a horny teenager and his girlfriend!