- Off. Tom Hanson #2: Doug I know you're sorry, You know how I know? You've apologised to me 430 times! You cleaned my desk, You washed my car... You brought a whoopie cushion... You've sharpened all my pencils!
- Off. Doug Penhall: Any of them need re-sharpening?
- Off. Tom Hanson #2: No! No...
- Off. Doug Penhall: Well, It's just that, you know, shooting your partners just a very stupid thing to do! You gotta be a little mad at me.
- Off. Tom Hanson #2: No I'm not
- Off. Doug Penhall: Oh you gotta be... You know it's very unhealthy to keep this stuff couped up, you should let some steam off get it off your chest.
- Off. Tom Hanson #2: Alright! Alright. I sharpen my own pencils pal, understand? Noone sharpens my pencils but me... Noone
- Off. Doug Penhall: Then you are a little mad...
- Off. Tom Hanson #2: Of course I'm mad you shot me in the ass! and I'll never forgive you okay? There.
- Off. Doug Penhall: Oh Wonderful, Terrific! One little mistake and you're gonna keep a grudge over me for the rest of my life? Fabulous!
- Off. Doug Penhall: You know... I had them move the desks closer together, so you wouldn't strain your voice if you call for me
- Off. Doug Penhall: I hope you don't have one already... Tada!
- Off. Tom Hanson #2: It's very nice... What is it?
- Off. Doug Penhall: It's a pillow.
- Off. Tom Hanson #2: Where's the rest of it?
- Off. Doug Penhall: No, it's supposed to be like that... It's for guys who have...
- Off. Tom Hanson #2: What?
- Off. Doug Penhall: Hemroids.
- Off. Tom Hanson #2: You hope I don't already have one? Make this go away
- Off. Doug Penhall: Okay... I'll put it over here, in case you change your mind. It's right here alright?