Massage Parlor Murders! (1973) User Reviews

Grindhouse Yarn w/ some special ingredients.

[doorbomb62 · 6/10 · 9 March 2017]

The Massage Parlor Murders!. Exactly what it sounds like. Typical 1970s drive-in yarn from the 42nd St. grind house fare offering a LOT of medium local talent and a lack of budget for proper coverage of actors, AND dubbing.So many scenes are MOS, it suggests the problem of NOT having enough dough to re-shoot, or ADR. Still, these particular films from that segmented era of time bring forth some of the most fascinating artifacts. For starters, the mark of vintage NYC in the day when things couldn't have been for in-your-face blunt. There is certainly that. Also, it is commendable what some filmmakers can accomplish with such limited resources. There's plenty of ambiance and character (by character I mean NYC itself) to provide the common viewer with fascinating elements beside the random thrills.

What we have is, naturally, a homicidal nut , preying on the sleazy, lustful, and unfortunate looking women working Massage Parlors in the Times Square area. The premise alone could have been grounds for an ABC or CBS movie-of-the-week (MOW), however, the production company, big-wigs, whom-ever and however you wish to refer to them, needed a quota on nudity and cheap violence. Naturally, directors Chester Fox and Alex Stevens pad out the running time with said filler content to the point that it becomes predictable and boring. That's not always a bad thing, except that naked women with fake blood poured on their bodies hardly makes an impression.

Onto more positive aspects, we have a few great lead performances.George Spencer as lead Detective Rizotti. He's honest and straight-forward with a slight humor to him. Right out of a typical cop show of the times, thrust into the degrading and cheap sex and violence. As most films are time capsules, he is never-the-less entertaining and endearing in his own right. John Moser displays absolute charisma as side-kick Det. O'Mara. He has movie star looks, ferocious physical attributes, and a sensitive demeanor. A perfect leading man, who, baffling enough, only has an alleged "Dallas" episode as his following credit on this site! (?) It's a shame he didn't carry this one through as the head detective, and other higher budgeted projects like it. Then there's the always remarkable Sandra Peabody (nee Cassell) of original 'The Last House on the Left (1972') fame. It's assuredly criminal that she, herself, never rose above such tawdry affairs as this. She always displayed perfect commitment to pathos in every role she had in her short B-Movie career. Each performance finely tuned to fit not only the character, but the script and intentions themselves. Fans of her, and they are many, will be satisfied by this aspect alone, if nothing else.

The rest of the cast consist of obvious raw, inexperienced NY talent that bring forth endearing ambiance, which says a lot considering there isn't too much credibility among the rest of the production values amid the pedestrian circumstances. 'Massage Parlor Murders!' is none-the-less a film to be loved by it's adorning fans despite it's stance in a long line of sub par drive in fare which remains mediocre at best. Really, it's no higher than a Roger Corman picture from New World Pictures at that same time, yet all those films resonate positively and still hold up to this day. "Massage" and it's peer titles do not.

A bunch of random crap wrapped around a skin show and a brilliant comedic interlude

[lotekguy-1 · 4/10 · 15 September 2023]

I was in the mood for a bit of 1970s sexploitation when I found this odd piece of sleaze. Some nut is brutally killing the hard-working ladies staffing the city's massage parlors. We're treated to a generous supply of boobage with occasional bits of bush. Those displays are linked by the inept efforts of two cops and a handful of scenes seemingly drawn from a hat. Among them are a few poorly written and acted domestic spats; a ludicrous romance; perhaps the longest pointless car chase ever filmed; and performances below the bar even for the era and genre, including corpses still visibly breathing and a long, sloppily framed and edited nude/topless pool scene, wasting a whole lotta nekkedness from a whole lotta extras who had nothing to do with the plot.

But from the midst of that mess arises a brilliant off-the-wall rant from Theodore Gottlieb, early in the metamorphosis into his legendary Brother Theodore persona. If you know the character, that bit alone makes this clunker worthwhile. If you don't, dip your toe in his unrivaled churning waters of rage, non-sequiturs and wisdom. You may hate the guy's shtick, but your cultural education has a gaping hole until you've seen him.

The math for this four-star rating represents1 for the skin and 2 for Theodore, boosting what would otherwise deserve a 1.

Cheap New York-filmed horror outing with a ton of exploitation content

[Leofwine_draca · 5/10 · 29 January 2017]

MASSAGE PARLOR MURDERS! is a cheap and scuzzy exploitation horror movie with that gritty, on the street vibe. No matter that most of the story takes place in the same room simply dressed up to look different each time, this is a film that delivers the good for fans of 1970s grindhouse cinema. The story is about a psycho working his way through the girls at a massage parlour, offing them in particularly grisly ways, while the cops (including one guy who looks like a cross between George Peppard and Kevin Costner) track him down.

It's a simple film simply told, one that manages to cram in as much exploitative material as is humanly possible. Filming in the streets of New York circa 1973 is a treat for fans of the era. The acting is quite horrible, but the film manages to fit no less than two cameos from well-known actors; George Dzundza and Brother Theodore both shine as potential suspects, the latter in particular with a hilarious monologue. MASSAGE PARLOR MURDERS! manages to fit a ton of nudity into the running time, although not as much sex as you'd expect. Add in cheesy music, a random scene of an overweight guy dancing in a tutu, a car chase, and a series of sloppy but nasty gore murders in the H.G. Lewis vein, and you have a perfectly acceptable piece of exploitation fare.

Decent Exploitation

[Michael_Elliott · 27 May 2017]

Massage Parlor Murders! (1973)

** (out of 4)

Mildly entertaining exploitation movie has a couple detectives trying to track down the person who is murdering massage parlor ladies. Soon one of the detectives gets involved with one of the girls and you just know who the killer is going to go after next.

MASSAGE PARLOR MURDERS!, also known as MASSAGE PARLOR HOOKERS, isn't the greatest exploitation film ever made but as long as you go into it with rather low expectations there's enough here to keep you entertained throughout its 80-minute running time. Obviously, if you're looking for a well-made picture then it's probably best that you watch something else but if you enjoy these types of low-budget, odd-ball movies then pull up a chair and enjoy.

The film benefits from having some very attractive ladies throughout the film and yes there's plenty of nudity from them. The nudity factor is never distasteful and it really just plays out as business as usual. The performances are obviously all over the place but it's interesting to see George Dzundza pop up a few years before THE DEER HUNTER. The violence and gore level is rather low, although the first murder is actually well-staged. I'd also argue that the ending played out nicely and delivers a good outcome for our creep.

One of the most useless films ever made.

[capkronos · 2/10 · 13 November 2014]

A religious-fanatic psycho targets frequently-nude massage parlor girls who give new meaning to the term "table service" if the money is right. How can one possible screw that up that gold exploitation scenario? Just ask the makers of MASSAGE PARLOR MURDERS, because they manage to turn it all into one big, colossal bore with an aimless and meandering plot, endless filler, padded scenes, lethargic pacing, a mostly dull cast, a sleep-inducing light jazz score akin to what you'd hear in a waiting room and a surprisingly conservative hand when it comes to dishing out the sleaze. Sure, a dozen or so chicks get naked and there are moments of (mild and poorly executed) violence, but you can see better elsewhere in hundreds of other more entertaining films from this era. I always wondered how a film like this could have possibly bypassed the entire video revolution of the 80s and 90s without ever getting released on home video but now I fully understand why: It's boring as hell!

Police Lt. Jimmy Rizotti (George Spencer) and Det. Danny O'Hara (John Moser) are on the case when a topless masseuse named Rosie (Chris Jordan) has her face smashed into a mirror and is then strangled with her own bra. Numerous other ladies soon bite the dust as the cops try to get to the bottom of things, Jimmy deals with his nagging / uptight wife Emily (Marlene Kallevig) and Danny starts getting cozy with Rosie's more straight-laced roommate Gwen (Sandra "I never appeared in another film after LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT" Peabody / Cassell). Though we hear numerous eyewitness accounts of the killer being a clean cut businessman, the investigators spend most of their time interrogating scumball types like a pervy parlor owner who sits around reading Screw Magazine and Rosie's sugar daddy "Mr. Creepy" (George Dzunda in his film debut). They also pay a visit to an insane astrologer, who's played by the inimitable Brother Theodore. He rants and raves about a bunch of nonsense ("My sleeping pills are messing up my horoscope and when I listen to rock n roll my eardrums bleed!") until one of the cops can't take it any more and punches him in the gut!

Some of the victims have acid poured on their bodies and one is sliced up, but these scenes really aren't gory and every scene involving action of any kind is clumsily directed and edited as to remove any possibility of them having any impact whatsoever. There's also an extended car chase, long scenes of people walking around in the streets accompanied by pointless narration or voice over, lots of theater marquees (which are at least fun to look at), a male customer stripping down to a one-piece leotard and doing ballet (?!) and an even more WTF scene set at a swinger's party where everyone frolics around nude and have chicken fights in a swimming pool filled with balloons. There were just two scenes I found amusing in this one. The first is the opening bit showing one of the girls (Annie Gaybis) fleecing every red cent she can out of a guilty married man and the second was a scene where a bunch of the girls sit around knitting, bitching about how weird their customers are and talking about going to see SHAFT'S BIG SCORE. Other than that, I found my attention focusing on the clock counting down the minutes until it would finally end.

This was filmed under the title "The Seven Deadly Sins" (a concept that eventually helps the detectives unravel the mystery... although it makes no sense whatsoever!) and was reissued to theaters under the title "Massage Parlor Hookers" with the tagline "If you've never been to a massage parlor, this is a visit you'll NEVER forget!" Ironically, I doubt I'll remember a thing about this one a week from now. Keep your eyes peeled for Frank Henenlotter movie regular Beverly Bonner (BASKET CASE), who can be spotted for all of five seconds as a massage girl in a red dress.

Exclamation point!

[BandSAboutMovies · 4/10 · 16 September 2021]

I think more movies should have exclamation marks in their titles. I also believe that more movies should have Brother Theodore in them, so hey - Message Parlor Murders! Is two for two.

Detective Rizotti and O'Mara are hunting the killer of numerous massage parlor workers - one of them, Rosie, often gave Rizotti the rub down - and now O'Mara is getting close to Rosie's roommate Gwen (Sandra Peabody, The Last House on the Left, Legacy of Satan, Teenage Hitchhikers). Of course, she's the kind of girl who only appears in movies, someone who doesn't rub nor tug, but instead acts like an analyst for her clients. Maybe their co-pays didn't cover therapy or we hadn't yet worked out the mental health side of care in 1973, but going to a massage girl at the Lust Lounge for psychotherapy seems like not the best idea I've heard today.

Maybe the killer is a man they call Mr. Creepy. It could also be someone trying to work out the seven deadly sins 22 years before Kevin Spacey. That theory seems to work, but hey, the seventies were a downer time and perhaps not everyone makes it out of this alive.

Somehow, this was also released as Massage Parlor Hookers! With the horror parts cut out. How long was that movie, 22 minutes?

Woo hoo! First review for this title!

[Hey_Sweden · 7/10 · 15 July 2013]

"Massage Parlor Hookers" (otherwise known as "Massage Parlor Murders!") is something of a disappointment, promising more titillation and trash than it ultimately delivers, so exploitation fanatics are advised not to get their hopes up too high before viewing it. It doesn't even show off that much female flesh. Even the one sex scene is rather tastefully done. The movie is very crude, yet undeniably it's so incredibly amusing at times that this helps to keep the rating fairly high.

Detectives Rizotti (George Spencer) and O'Mara (John Moser) are on the trail of a ghoul slaughtering the young lovelies who work in NYC's massage parlors. For Rizotti, it's personal: one of the victims, Rosie (soft core / hard core pro Chris Jordan) was a favourite of his. And O'Mara gets close and personal with Rosie's roommate Gwen (Sandra Peabody of "The Last House on the Left" '72).

Choppily edited and graced with a very loud, yet enjoyable music score, this movie does offer some entertainment. It can boast one good car chase in which the person doing the pursuing is clad only in a towel, a series of tacky murders including death by stabbing, a face smashed into a mirror, and acid poured over a lady's body, a memorable WTF moment where the detectives watch a masseuse with a client - a portly ballet dancer in a leotard who moves to the strains of "In the Hall of the Mountain King", and a priceless revelation where Rizotti finally figures out the motive behind the killings - while in church, no less. Brother Theodore has one hysterical scene as a potential suspect, and the movie also has some value as a curiosity: it's an early screen credit for prominent character actor George Dzundza, playing a client with the moniker of "Mr. Creepy". (Dzundza also takes an assistant director credit.)

Even at 80 minutes long, one CAN feel the padding on this thing. As adult fare goes, it's decent enough, but won't be as sleazy or as sexy as some viewers will want.

Seven out of 10.

So Bad It's Perfect

[ladymidath · 10/10 · 6 January 2021]

I love watching old exploitation movies like this. The crappy sound, the choppy editing, the terrible acting, not to mention the worst of seventies fashion. Films like these are fun. Massage Parlor Murders is probably one of the best of the genre. You can see everyone is trying although the constant voiceover really didn't fit the action, but the car chase was great and it was nice to see a woman defend herself and kill the murderer at the end of the movie. This movie is probably not for everyone but it has heart, you can see it's making an effort to be a suspense thriller with a lot of nudity thrown in. There are a couple of scenes that are really funny, the man in full ballet gear dancing to In The Hall Of The Mountain King and the prostitutes talking about their weird clients. The music is straight out of seventies porn and the acting can be a bit off but you don't find gems like this anymore. Pure popcorn trashy fun. A guilty pleasure if you are sick of the slick torture porn of today.

Low budget sleeze that is really enjoyable

[abduktionsphanomen471 · 8/10 · 29 January 2022]

Massage Parlor Murders - 1973 ( This Film Rates a B+) How cheap and sleezy can a low budget thriller/mystery from the early 1970's be? Set in New York City with all the nostalgic sights and sounds you crave. A realistic look at the seedy sexual underbelly of American culture. A crazed latex glove wearing killer hunts naughty massage parlor girls. He visits various parlors and wastes no time killing the girls. Two detectives try to figure out who and why. There is plenty of poor police conduct, no dusting for fingerprints, isolating the crime scene after the murders, beating up suspects with no proof of guilt and getting involved with women who are involved in the case. The blood is minimal, and the kills are nothing spectacular but effective enough for this film. Poor acting at times, other times fairly decent and some downright laughable. A short mediocre script with too much chatter and filler scenes. There are some weird WTF moments, the chase scene that came straight out of the CHiPS television series, the peep show at the 46-minute mark, the painfully overlong swingers pool party or the fact that the detectives leave a murder scene without the arrival of back up. The soundtrack has a variety of music genres and fit the film in an odd sort of way. It would serve well on vinyl. Plenty of perky boobage and bare butts plus full-frontal nudity. Typical, predictable, crude and enjoyable.

A nice slice of choice 70's grindhouse trash

[Woodyanders · 8/10 · 23 March 2014]

A deranged and ferocious killer terrorizes the sordid red light district of Times Square in New York City by savagely bumping off the lovely young ladies who work at massage parlors located throughout the area. It's up to grouchy veteran detective Rizotti (solid George Spencer) and his more cheerful younger partner O'Mara (likable John Moser) to figure out the maniac's identity and apprehend the fiend before he strikes again. Directors Chester Fox and Alex Stevens do a sound job of creating and sustaining a perfectly sleazy tone from start to finish, deliver oodles of tasty female nudity, stage a wild car chase with rip-roaring gusto, and offer a marvelously seamy time capsule of dirty'n'dingy 70's New York complete with foul backrooms in seedy massage parlors, grungy fleapit theaters (check out those incredible double bills on the marquees!), raunchy newsstands with issues of Penthouse for sale (keep 'em peeled for issues of Screw magazine as well!), filthy back alleys, and even a swingin' naked orgy at a public pool. The murder set pieces not only are quite ugly, brutal, and twisted, but also have a nifty religious motif concerning the seven deadly sins that predates "Seven" by over two decades. The game acting by a sturdy cast of familiar exploitation cinema faces keeps things humming: The delectable Sandra Peabody of "The Last House on the Left" fame projects an utterly winsome charm as the sweet Gwen, adorable blonde pixie John Sarno soft-core regular Chris Jordan makes the most out of her regrettably brief screen time as the lunatic's first victim Rosie, Anne Gaybis has a brash ball as the sassy Sunny, the singular Brother Theodore contributes a stand-out loopy'n'lively turn as wacko astrologer Theodore, and, best of all, there's even an early appearance by a very young and then unknown George Dzundza as pervy client Mr. Creepy. Victor Petrashevic's rough and unpolished cinematography provides a suitably scroungy look. The funky-throbbing score hits the get-down groovy spot. Good scuzzy fun.

Criminally underrated

[brandonw-96245 · 8/10 · 16 February 2022]

This is a great sleaze fest grind house style slasher whodunnit. It's almost like an American micro budget giallo film. The plot actually made much more sense than I expected. Tons of great nudity also. New York gritty vibe.