Adventures of Johnny Tao (2007) User Reviews

Insulting...

[yoshiee · 3/10 · 31 July 2008]

I can sum up the movie in a couple words. Terrible acting, sub-par fight scenes, and ridiculous cliché plot. Is this suppose to be a cross between a kung fu film and a zombie one? That is the worst idea ever.

Insulting to real martial arts films. Not even deserving of a title as a parody... it wasn't funny at all. I consider it to be more of an abomination of poop and urine. It seemed like I was watching an amateur audition tape for a low-quality zombie movie whose plot was written by a very imaginative 8 year old. It is deemed more worthy of being on YouTube than on DVD.

You're better off downloading it, or better yet, don't watch it at all. I find staring at a brick wall more exciting than this 'movie'.

D+ for effort though.

Yes, this film is clean. But Clean Does Not Equal Good.

[ninjapirate93 · 1/10 · 10 September 2009]

This is a film that that is bent on making it into the long list of 'Terrible Dragon Movies' and it takes to its task with a dedication that's admirable. The actors are sometimes slightly bearable. The plot is ridiculous. There is absolutely no humor involved.

The film starts off with a prologue of two Chinese guys (we do not have the luxury of names) in tacky costumes whacking at each other with weapons and saying grand, helpful things for the sake of exposition such as, 'Demon, you are strong. But I still have the dragon spear!', followed by holding the spear up so we can see he is telling the truth and does, indeed, still have the dragon spear.

One time during the fight, the bad guy says 'After I kill you I will feast on your flesh' and the good guy says 'You have bad taste!' in a cocky, self-confident tone so the film's entire fanbase can cackle delightedly at how daring he is, while, apart from those two people, everyone else can hold their heads and moan.

The two warriors both die after the dragon spear gets lost and the good guy gives his blessing to a little baby he just left out in the desert nearby, perhaps to watch the battle and cheer him on. (Wooo! Go Daddy!)

Cut to 900 years later. Johnny Tao is a supposedly eighteen year old with the most annoying frizzy hair I have ever seen, who lives in the sleepy town of Dry Springs, manning the petrol station which is going out of business, just like the rest of the town.

Johnny has a friend named Eddie. Eddie is a UFO searcher. This occupation is not mentioned again for the rest of the film, it is merely an excuse for Eddie to be using a metal detector so he can find the blade of the dragon spear.

So Eddie digs it up and is immediately cursed by the spirit of the demon. Eddie's eyes turn flame-red, and he starts wearing a pair of black goggles. Why? Probably to cut costs. All that red-eye stuff must be pretty expensive. Evil Eddie also enjoys pulling grotesque faces, saying 'Feed me' every eight seconds in a deep, synthesized voice, and stomping around town, turning the local people into zombie followers so they can eat food for him. That's right, all the bad guy wants to do is eat. Feel the fear.

This is where Mika comes in. She is a supposedly eighteen-year-old Chinese girl. She rides into town and assesses the situation. She meets up with Johnny, Lenny and Jenny (?) to tell them what's going on and why they need to find the dragon spear. When Mika is giving vital exposition, the film helpfully provides us with a spooky sound effect the whole way through so we can't actually hear what she's saying.

This is the turning point for the film. This is where things- (*gasp* could it be...?) yes, they actually GET WORSE.

Extras run around with digitally red eyes, stealing food and making snarling noises. Actually I'm not sure that these people are even extras, they're probably just random locals who wandered onto the set by mistake and were too polite to ask if they could leave.

Somehow, Johnny ends up in a gorilla suit wearing a pink graduation hat, fighting the bad guys in the shop. Why? Because the movie thinks seeing a guy in a gorilla suit punching people is FUNNY. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HELP ME I'M DYING FROM LAUGHTER.

Our film is then interrupted for a short documentary on lizards. Maybe the director thought that things were getting a little too violent and exciting, so he decided to let us rest for a while by letting us look at a lizard on a tree.

Lenny calls for backup and a girl police officer by the name of Angela arrives to help. She is easily the best character in the film. However, the movie gets her recruited into the zombie-clan within five minutes and then she disappears. I think it was at this point I lost all patience with the film.

In between some scenes, we cut to a shot of the moon, perhaps to assure the viewers that there is no need to worry, it is indeed still nighttime.

Evil Eddie's gang then all go to the Wise Dragon fortune cookie warehouse to eat all the fortune cookies. Johnny arrives at the warehouse and fights one (1) zombie and wins, because then Evil Eddie's voice can growl out of the shadows in an amused tone, 'Your kung-fu is impressive', so the viewers can quake with fear at how powerful Evil Eddie must be. Needless to say, Johnny wins the day with his 'dragon flight' move in the Wise Dragon warehouse so he can reclaim the dragon spear and Eddie returns to normal. The whole town returns to normal, and business thrives because of the publicity.

Here's how the whole thing SHOULD'VE begun and ended:

Director: I have this really great idea for a film about a dragon spear and a guitar and lots of red-eyed zombies- Studio Executive: Thankyou, next.

Or, even better:

Director: I- Studio Executive: Thankyou, next.

I can honestly say that the title is the most exciting part of the film. But, I suppose, when someone makes a film THIS bad, all the studio can do is make up a really cool name for it and hope that somebody buys it by mistake.

I mean, obviously the director had a small budget (i.e: ten dollars), but that does not excuse him from anything except special effects. You do not need a huge budget to write good dialogue, or to think of a good, original story.

Rock 'n Roll, the Living Dead and Martial Arts mix it up

[joeblitman · 8/10 · 13 August 2007]

This was a thoroughly enjoyable mix of genres - lots of unexpected (but carefully planned) laughs and jolts. The camera work and direction are top notch and the performances very even and pleasing.

While some of it could be labeled parody, the writing/directing seems completely aware of the demands of the genres and knows when to wink at them and when to treat them seriously. As a viewer, I felt totally comfortable during "the ride."

The fight in the alleyway is a standout, as is all of the stunt work, actually. Careful planning is evident, but nothing looks stagy or mechanical.

All in all, a very satisfying couple of hours in the dark.

In my opinion action and comedy are very hard to mix well but this movie did a great job

[angel_frost · 9/10 · 7 August 2007]

I spend a lot of my time watching television and movies and a lot of times i cant think of what to watch. action, adventure, comedy, horror, suspense, or thriller. I love it when i get to watch a movie like this one that has it all, and man they did a great job of mixing in just the right amount of each genre, especially the comedy. suddle enough not to turn the movie into a pure comedy but enough to make you laugh out loud. I also love the casting, i see a lot of greats in the cast list, no wonder it came out so well. I almost didn't want the movie to end. well maybe the writer/director will give us a sequel! This is a definite must see movie.

Perfect for you Saturday Mornings

[beyond_eibon · 8/10 · 7 August 2007]

If you're waking up in the morning and tired of watching bad re-runs of Power Rangers...this is a good alternative. The imaginative tale of Kung Fu, Comedy, Demons & Rock-Billy is fused quite well.

The story begins with an ancient Chinese Demon trapped for centuries and released in a small soon to be ghost town. Johnny Tao is young kid dealing with pressures of taking care of his brother and struggling in an economically crushed town. The only thing keeping him going is watching/studying classic Kung Fu films. Now you have Demons running a mock...so what is a teen too do?....Kick some ass.

This mixer keeps the movie going and enjoyable to watch. Recommend checking it out with your kids.

Excellent family/action/kung fu /just for fun movie

[mossless · 9/10 · 23 June 2006]

This movie is just fun. Not pretentious, no deep messages, no agenda other than being entertaining. A little formulaic, but sometimes it's fun to know what is going to happen. And enough surprises to keep you paying attention. Fans of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles will feel right at home, with the action and even some of the costuming reminiscent of those movies and Saturday morning shows. No turtles, but the flavor is there. Maybe because the writer/director Kenn Scott was one of the original Turtles (Raphael)? :-)

Kelly Perine was excellent! (bias alert: his sister is a friend of our family) Classic comedy and some great lines and action moves. :-) This is a must see movie for families or anyone that wants a good action flick, without all the attitude and vulgarity that seems to be sprinkled in most movies of this type. Pure entertainment that doesn't try to be anything more.

Grab some popcorn and enjoy!

I really liked this movie!

[kelly-668 · 9/10 · 6 August 2007]

I liked the simplicity and clarity of the story, the story-telling, and the fight sequences. In an age where it seems like every film is computer generated and you're never sure if your watching the actors or a computer geek in Silicone Valley's work, it was refreshing to see a film that went back to the basics. I liked the characters and cared about their plight, the story kept moving and had a number of surprises, and I wasn't bombarded with images my children couldn't watch. There needs to be more films like this. I simply enjoyed watching this film and hope more film-makers go back to the basics. This is a perfect example of the fact that it is the "steak" we want, not the "sizzle". Johnny Tao is a really nice piece of steak.

Something for everyone

[[e-mail] · 9/10 · 9 August 2007]

I loved the film! It is something I can bring my kid brothers to and the best action I have seen in kids film since ninja turtles (the first one).

Great Cast- all of the actors really played their roll well. I would have liked to have seen more of bucky, because he was really funny but you will never miss it. Kelly Perine is great comic relief. He is just one funny dude.

The music is a great throw back to rockabilly era. Nice selecion very different.

Over all great family action movie. Never a dip in the action or story, no one wanted to stop and get pop corn and there was even a few moments that made us all jump. This movie needs to blow up so more people can see it. It is a fun movie.

What a fun film

[eclecticvideo · 8/10 · 8 August 2007]

I really thought this movie was a lot of fun. It was very enjoyable and entertaining. The characters were kooky, funny, and lovable. The action scenes were very well done without excessive violence (if I can say that about a Kung Fu Action movie), and the comedy was a very smart tongue-in-cheek style.

It's also a great wholesome family movie. I don't see why parents would not love an action movie that's funny without any cursing or gross language and the kids will love it even more. The filmmaker (Kenn Scott) deserves a round of applause for a job well done. Thanks for this movie.

a small film that packs a big punch

[mariannemu · 8/10 · 8 August 2007]

I saw this movie last year and loved it. It was an unexpected mix of eastern spirituality, morality play, slapstick and love. Great family fare or for those who love the real action of martial arts that are not computer generated. The story moved along engaging your heqrt and mind while amusing. Although the majority of the cast is not widely known their talent speaks for themselves. All the technical components are there in spades. Wonderful music, lightening that enhances the martial arts and direction with a deft and knowing eye. In the end it is a simple story of good over evil but told from a unique and intriguing manner.

Great cult movie!

[mdcowboy · 8/10 · 8 July 2011]

*This review contains spoilers*

This is fun movie that I knew would be great before I even watched it. I mean, come on, this movie is classified (not on IMDb) as a "kung-fu zombie" movie. That practically guarantees this movie to be a good time!If you don't take this movie too seriously, you'll have a good time. It tells the tale of a dude named Johnny, who lives in a boring little town, practicing kung-fu that he learned watching old chopsockies, while managing his gas station/museum with the help of his UFO-obsessed friend, Eddie. When Eddie finds a piece of a cursed spear in the desert, a Chinese demon inside possesses him. Now, he goes through the town, infecting others and making them into his slaves. Only Johnny, with the help of his friend Mika, part of a long line of warriors trained to fight the demon, and the use of the other part of the spear, hidden inside his father's guitar, can he kill the demon and restore order.

Yeah, that's a really convoluted plot, but well-choreographed fight scenes, good special FX, and nice acting make this a fun, action-packed indie movie that plays out well. B+