Expiration Date (2006)

Robert A. Guthrie: Charlie Silvercloud

Quotes 

• Charlie : Bessie?

  Bessie : Charlie, what are you doing?

  Charlie : ...Dancing?

• Charlie : [on the phone with his mother, who is crying hysterically]  Mom? Can you hear me? Say something Mom. Mom, it's okay, I'm here. With Bessy, we're in the middle of a field. We're all alone.

  Lucille : Are you naked?

  [sobs] 

  Charlie : Happy birthday, Mom.

  Lucille : Happy birthday, my son.

• Charlie : It's one of our nicest plots and most peaceful.

  Cemetary plot salesman : How much?

  Charlie : Well, view plot at $4,803.55, plus our eternity contract $1,227.04, plus tax at 8.3 percent equals...

  Cemetary plot salesman : $6,531.13.

  Charlie : Why... yes.

  Cemetary plot salesman : Do you have anything less peaceful?

• Charlie : Hello.

  Telephone Guy : Yeah, it said to call on your door.

  [trying to find Bessie] 

  Charlie : Oh! No, that's meant for someone else.

  Telephone Guy : Well, how am I supposed to know that?

  Charlie : You're right, that's misleading. I'll be sure to be more specific in the future.

  Telephone Guy : Will you let me know if you change your mind?

  Charlie : Yes. OK, goodbye.

  Telephone Guy : Call me!

• Lucille : Charlie! Tell me you did not walk here.

  Charlie : 'I did not walk here.'

  Lucille : Liar!

  [worried about milk trucks] 

• Charlie : William, do you remember this dog?

  Wild William : Sure. Dies well, like a good soldier

  [talking about Roadkill] 

• Lucille : Shouldn't you be with Alicia, you know, out having fun? Maybe, a little unprotected sex? She has such great child-bearing hips.

  Charlie : I know you want grandchildren but I'm not going to impregnate some poor young girl and leave a curse on her unborn child.

  Lucille : Thank you very much, that's my life you just described.

• Charlie : William, hi, it's Charlie. Listen, I got kinda a quick, military, commando-type question.

  Wild William : Military, commando-type question. Go.

  Charlie : How do you get over a 6 ft. high fence with electrical wire on top?

  Wild William : You don't. You go under it. Dig a hole, paint your face with mud for camaflogue. Become the ground.