- Carl: [Carl is drunk and staggering around the kitchen having a go at everyone] Same goes for you.
- Veronica: Me!
- Carl: Yeah, you!
- Veronica: Oh yeah.
- Carl: I don't like your bathroom!
- Veronica: [Veronica grabs carl by the chin] well stay out of it then smelly arse!
- Kev: Aw, leave him alone he's tanked.
- Ian: Who let him get like that?
- Lip: [points to Veronica] She did.
- Veronica: We're just celebrating the fact that you're not dead Ian!
- [he had a bad case of food poisoning]
- Lip: [hands a glass of milk to Carl] Come on Carl, drink this.
- Carl: [to Kash] And you, you robbing bastard!
- Ian: Carl, cut it out.
- Carl: How much are your Twix meant to be?
- Kash: 49p
- Carl: So, how much are a quarter of midgie demmers meant to be?
- Kash: 28p.
- Carl: Yeah, so how much is it meant to come to then, you robbing bastard!
- Ian: Carl, I'm warning you.
- Kash: 77p!
- Carl: No, it's not, it's 77!
- Kash: Yeah! I said 77p!
- Carl: Did ya, OK, sorry, sorry, Kash, I love your shop and your daughter is a stunner.
- [Kash has a vision of Carl marrying his daughter and gets a look of horror on his face]
- Frank: [Frank wakes up in the snow, having just pissed himself] I didn't think we had a white duvet.
- Sheila: [while giving birth on the floor of the Gallagher living room] Give me another consonant, Carol!
- Lillian: According to Conrad, the meat's come from al-Qaeda. And if you scan the barcode, it comes up in Arabic. I mean, I'm not being a racist, but they're a fucking nightmare, that lot!
- Debbie Gallagher: Oh, are you playing Maisonette?
- Soldier: No, Pontoon.
- Debbie Gallagher: Oh, we call it Maisonette. Because when you turn twenty-one, that's what you get off the council.