Vampiyaz (2004 Video) User Reviews

One of the worst movies I have ever seen

[stufff11 · 1/10 · 29 October 2004]

I rented this because the title and box art just screamed "bad movie" and I was not disappointed.

For blood effects, I noticed a wide variety of food products, including strawberry jam, red kool aid, and katsup. Gun shot effects, as the previous user put it, look as though they were made by poking holes through the film. Vampire are people with plastic vampire teeth. This movie looks like it was made with a camcorder, they can't keep the camera from wobbling and it's enough to make you feel sick.

Acting is absolutely horrible. Dialogue probably wasn't scripted, but improved... badly. People screw up their lines and the camera keeps rolling as they repeat them two or three times until they get it right. In dialogue scenes outside where they cut back and forth between two people's faces while they talk, the background noise is different each time and there is a delay before each person talks so you can tell the conversation is segmented.

There is a lot of completely random crap throw in, a guy eating a fly, a guy stirring up a bowl of blood (katsup) with a rubber severed hand and licking the blood (katsup) off the rubber fingers.

There is a Deus ex machina every five minutes. Amulet that makes vampires invincible. Vampire killing task force. The main character is really good at cracking safes, and it just so happens that everyone in town uses the same exact safe.

I can't list everything that was wrong with this film, because the entire film was just a complete disaster. If you love the art of bad film as much as I do, you'll love this one; rent it with friends. No nudity though, which is a shame because there were a couple really cute girls. This was in my top 5 list of the worst movies I've ever seen. I hope they make a sequel.

This is without a doubt, the worst film ever created

[tymanley · 1/10 · 30 April 2005]

I cannot even fathom the words to use to describe the exact level of horrificness of this movie. The script could pass for something produced in a 3rd grade class for "special" kids and the plot is about as creative and interesting as the mound of feces my dog dropped off in the yard about an hour ago. Many of the special effects could have been done better in Microsoft Paint....by a blind idiot. I was in awe of such terrible spectacles, such as the guy who kept licking the blood of a plastic hand; the baseball interrogation scene; the lion-roar-esquire sounds the female vampires made; the blue muzzle flash from the guns; the girl in the wheelchair who seemed to just evaporate at the end leaving nothing behind but blood on the wall which was nothing more than water with red food coloring....seriously. But my personal favorite was the extremely awful "bomb" that consisted of a egg timer,a computer printer cable, and a bar of ivory soap.... what the hell? I can only hope that when I am on my death bed, that god gives me an additional 83 minutes of life to make up for the tragic display I had to witness. The creator should be ashamed of himself as he upset Mariah Carey for creating a worse film than Glitter, which in comparison could pass as Citizen Kane. Do yourself, an society a favor and go to your local video store and ask the man (or woman, for this politically correct world) for all the copies of Vampiyaz, then proceed to toss them into a raging inferno, and to never be viewed again by human eyes. But please remember to recycle the plastic melted goo left over, it should have never been used in such a train wreck of a movie. Christ, this movie made me mad, and it's making me mad right now knowing I took the time to write this review. This movie makes suicide seem like a day of fun. Have a nice day.

This is the worst movie I've ever seen.

[chakan2 · 1/10 · 7 July 2005]

Typically when sitting down to watch a low budget film, I have low expectations. This didn't even meet those. I think the DVD distribution cost more than the entire budget for the film.

First off the acting was straight out of a high school play. I can't figure out how you could let some of those scenes through. No one had a decent scene in the entire movie (that's not a joke).

OK, it's about vampires; you're not really looking for acting anyway. The special effects, well, also left over from a high school play, and in some cases condiments from lunch. The fight scenes were poorly choreographed and terribly acted out. The gun play is even worse. Look for the CG muzzle flares, big money.

Finally, the story…garbage. I've seen 3rd grade kids write better plot lines and dialog (especially involving vampires). It would have been OK had they totally cheesed out and went for comedy, but it's not. It's an attempt at some serious scenes. It's uncomfortably bad, you can't laugh at it, but it's so very terrible.

Stay away from this one, total waste of 2 hours.

This Blade is dull.

[nehesi · 6 December 2004]

Generally, even in the worst of films, I can find something positive to say - i.e. with 30 Years To Life, it had a good plot, with several unbelievable aspects to it, but it was good overall with decent acting. Like most viewers, I got sucked in by the box art, which promised a Blade-esque Black vampire flick. Well this movie is no Blade. This movie isn't even a *dull* Blade. This is easily one of the worst movies I have seen this year.

The nicest thing I can say about it is that the music was pretty good - generally Hip-Hop soundtracks are limited at best, but the songs fit the movie well. Also, I really *liked* the in-jail sequence early in the movie, although the way it was shot makes it seem the character was only in jail in his mind (or its the world's least populated jail).

Which makes the rest of the movie that much harder to bear. After the decent setup (the two main characters hit-and-run a girl after a botched robbery) the movie goes downhill, with bad special effects (forgivable with good writing/plot - see the Doctor Who TV series), bad writing (the interrogation scene with the baseball being the one exception - small flash of brilliance there!), bad editing (wait is he going up the stairs? down the stairs? Is there a room *on* the stairs, wait, somebody is shooting? What happened to the other guy on the stairs?), inane character actions(he gets the bling and WALKS DOWN THE STREET WITH IT *boggle*), unintentionally comical scenes (when the main vampire gets exposed to sunlight and dam near does the Harlem Shake or the levitating wheelchair scene at the end that should have been very emotional - and *would* have been in a better-written movie), feeble attempts at comic relief (the character that helped the main vampire or the throwaway line about the rap song when the two Vampire-hunter characters are in the car), horribly-shot action scenes (the final blurry, mis-edited fight scene) *sigh*

Look, just avoid this one like the plague. I hope that the filmmakers take the time to study some more action flicks and improve their craft - I saw some good ideas at work in this movie, but they were ruined by really really really faulty execution.

Oh this was a tough one to watch.

[EazySCT · 1/10 · 21 September 2004]

*spoilers galore*

What atrainwreck of a movie. Surprisingly, the acting was actually pretty good. But everything else sucked. First scene they go to rob a house and a guy inside is sleeping in a bunny suit...? and then they kill him. OK. There are bombs attached to safes and the bombs consist of a kitchen timer and a printer cable (I recognized the LPT1 ports). SOmetimes the background sound is so loud (cars, etc) you can't hear the dialogue. All the main characters get killed within the first 15 minutes of the movie- WTF! People literally are laughing when they are being"eaten" by the vampires... huh? Some chick in a wheel chair gets spun around in circles by the mean vampires. A random guy on the street gets off his own bike and throws it on the ground. It's almost like they got some odd footage during the movie and decided they had to add it in... it made no sense. The vampire hideout is an old house with black garbage bags for curtains (I kid you not). Driving in the car at night they leave the dome light on to help with lighting. You can tell the "car" they are in is just a fake contraption that is bouncing up and down. All punches in the movie are accompanied by the old school He-man sound effect of "thwack". Yet believe it or not, the acting is actually good. I mean, very passable. The blood is horrible... it looks like pink water. Worst blood I have ever seen in my life. Halfway through the movie the main bad vampire is getting burned by sunlight and writhing on the ground and then in the VERY NEXT SHOT he is downstairs telling someone to go get an amulet- WTF!!!? ***ALL*** of the props look like stuff they got from Halloween Boo-tique in the mall.... all the amulets and treasures are made of plastic. It's hard to understand because stuff keeps happening for no reason. Like the thing with the guy just throwing his bike on the ground.... what? Hotel rooms have doorbell ringers on them...? And the weirdest part of all was that a guy reached behind his back to pull a gun out of the back of his pants and it was covered in poop, because I guess he got scared and crapped on it. WTF-ever!!!

One of the worst B flicks I have ever sat through

[realityscape · 1/10 · 20 December 2004]

To say this movie is bad is just not enough. It is one of those where when you get done if you make it all the way through. You ask yourself Why did I bother watching the whole thing. We found ourselves hoping that a building would collapse on the entire group killing everyone. The stupidity of the characters was mind numbing. The dialog was idiotic. The plot was well beyond moronic. The only thing that could be considered entertaining was the blowing up the the one real victim in the movie. Even this was done with kindergarden quality special effects. This movie is not only not worth renting its one that should never have wasted the plastic needed to create the disk. I don't think they bothered editing this in fact the video looks like something out of a home movie. Shot with a 80's model video cam.

A Vampire film that really does SUCK!!!

[razorlight · 1/10 · 13 November 2004]

A Vampire film that really does SUCK!!!

What more can i say? this film looks as though it has been shot by film students with a budget that's less than the price of a big mac! I thought Bones starring Snoop Dogg was bad but this takes it to new limits!

The blood looks like raspberry sauce and the guns they use are BB guns which you actually notice when one of the main characters cock's his gun. The special effects ain't much better they seem to be superimposed on top of the guns used in the film to create muzzle flashes. But what's the point of going to this effort if you can't be bothered to put bullet holes anywhere? To sum it up this film is really bad but if you want to say you've seen possibly the worst film ever then give it a go but I Wouldn't recommend it.

utter discomfort (SPOILERS, like it matters...)

[lastgoldrush · 1/10 · 8 November 2005]

This movie hurts the viewer in a unique and special way. Sure, we got some laughs out of it, but honestly, I will never heal. I believe the fight scenes, which somehow make live action video look like stop motion animation, are the undisputed highlight. If you'll notice, on second viewing, right after he gets out of jail Jakeem doesn't even have to look up the number for the hookers - he must have memorized it before his eight (sometimes seven) years in the joint. The video quality is worthy of a Full Moon picture, and the lighting worthy of a karaoke bar.

Why is the guy with the BB gun wearing a giant baby suit? Utter misfortune. Weap for us.

Are you serious?

[CreedenceLeonoreGielgud · 1/10 · 23 November 2005]

Khail sums up my feelings about this movie with his infamous phrase: "AHHHHHHHHHH DAMN". This movie is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever seen, and when I say ridiculous I mean it. Nothing that happens in this movie is close to plausible. The characters are stupid, their motivation is stupid and the plot is unbelievably stupid. I could have made every single prop in this film with a budget of 100 dollars and a trip to Wal-Mart. So, to sum this up, should you see this movie? Absolutely yes! This movie is comedy gold. It is so bad that it will have tears of laughter streaming down your face. The ending is the single most ridiculous thing I have ever seen, and since I have tagged this as Spoilers, guess what? I am gonna spoil this. For seem reason the evil villain vampire, oh wait excuse me VampiYa, Khali straps the main character's wheelchair bound girlfriend to some explosives that he can only stop from exploding by cracking a safe. What is in the safe? Why is she strapped to the explosives strapped to the safe? I have nooo idea. But guess what? She explodes!!! I laughed my ass off. In fact, my roommates and I were laughing so hard that the local university police came to our door and told us to drop the noise level. So if you like bad horror movies, this is for you.

Inconsistent and Offensive

[eleetk · 1/10 · 11 December 2005]

OK, this movie is horrible from start to finish. Even in the credits they spell performed "perfromed". Like the last comment stated, why in the world was the girl walking on the dirt road late at night when she lives in the inner city? They never explained why there are vampires, the history of the amulet, and I can go on forever. I mean the cover box art is so photoshoped I couldn't even tell who the guy was in the movie. There were bullets shot at walls that left no holes, blood as thin as red kool-aid, gun fire that was blue and to top it off, when the handi-capped girl explodes, we hear an explosion, then 3 seconds later her chair rises slowly (at a real-time frame rate) and then some kool-aid is thrown against the wall (not to mention our protagonist is only 6 feet away and not wounded). So to sum up the movie. It sucks...

Not so bad

[herecy · 4/10 · 28 October 2004]

This movie at first seems to be a real stinker. However you have to look at things from another perspective. Consider that all these characters are street people. They are used to certain situations and nothing else. Granted there were somethings that were confusing. Take the guy in the bunny suit. There really needed to be something to explain why he was, and who he was. Also why was the girl walking around on that dirt road? That aside, there were some very good ideas in the film. Such as the Vampire Master becoming a much more cerebral being. Hey you spend 8 years and not able to sleep and you would read a lot too. The hero who just cant seem to catch a break. The "Ghetto Fabulous" Renfield was a scream. I thought the Vampire Assault Team could have used some polish. They seemed disconnected, almost as if they were thrown together and had never done the job before. And for some reason the Team Leader seemed to be immolating Rosie Perez. But if you don't take them seriously, you don't really care. The movie is not about them, Vampiyaz is about a failed thief and a vampire he wants revenge on. The story was tied together nicely and it seemed to try to go for action but fell just short of the mark. The fights were thought out but not well acted.

All in all it was not a BAD movie. It just needs some work in some areas. This was a low budget movie that did the best it could with what was available, or so it seems.

Hilarious

[zacharyhocker · 10/10 · 3 July 2005]

This movie is so freaking hilarious. People, please realize that this film was not meant to be serious. The FUBU-wearing main vampire, Khalil, is probably the funniest character in the movie. It's so funny when he falls out of character and improvises his lines with some ghetto-speak that you would hear from some dude straight out of the hood versus a sapient, well-read vampire.

Furthermore, The "VAMPIRE HUNTERS" in the movie are rather young for seasoned vampire exterminators. I guess there was a job fair targeting teenage blacks and Puerto Ricans in the inner city of New Jersey who were interested in joining the vampire slayer industry. Blade would be proud. Also, I did not know people had strawberry syrup for blood until I watched this film. I must revisit my studies of human biology. Please, get drunk and then watch this movie.It's a classic and belongs in every college dorm room across the country. 2 thumbs up.

Please shoot me

[mighty_sam76 · 1/10 · 18 March 2006]

i went to the DVD store, hoping to rent a good thrilling, chilling piece of art. As many people i guess, i got taken by the beautiful box, and the nice text written on its back: vampires, dead people walking the streets... That's what i was expecting. Until i saw the movie and realized how awful it was. I really mean it: everything about it is terrible: the acting, the effects, the succession of events...Especially the guy they kill in the first place, the one who was dressed in pink like a baby!!! Why???? I also laughed a lot at the shooting effect: it was more like light coming out of the guns.And if you really want to watch it, please take your time to laugh at the part where the guy is using a cut off hand to taste blood in a platter. Why the hand? Couldn't he just put the blood in a glass and drink it??? The movie is a failure. But watch it, just so you know what failure means!!!

What?

[coupdetatx · 5 October 2004]

This was most likely the strangest film I have ever seen. The story is about a robber that get into trouble with his old friend who is now a vampire. His vampire friend needs some "amulet" to no longer be a vampire. The amulet is in a heavily guarded area where a bunch of gangstaz will try to kill the main character. The movie was pretty random and didn't make a whole lot of sense. There was some guy hanging out with the main Vampire who was just nibblin' on a human hand having a grand old time. The special effects are terrible. Gunshots look as if someone poked holes with a needle into each frame of film in which a gun was fired. And then there was this scene where a girl in a wheelchair blows up for reasons beyond me. When she explodes her body somehow turns into a cloud of blood. Then there was a guy in a bunny suit that got shot in the face yet no bullet was even there... I recommend this movie if you want to really just laugh at the television.

All right vampire effort

[slayrrr666 · 5/10 · 10 August 2008]

"Vampiyaz" is a moderately entertaining, but ultimately dull and dreary vampire tale.

**SPOILERS**

Years after a failed robbery, Jakeem, (Richard Carroll Jr.) is released from jail and decides to hook up with friend Stacey, (Lila Blake Palmer) an old friend of his. Running into Khalil, (Malik Burke) and Ray, (Randy Clarke) old colleagues of his before he got sent to prison who have become vampires and who tell him of another score still out there that they need him for. Managing to pull it off, he realizes that he has stolen a valuable amulet that can allow a vampire to retain their instincts but become entirely invincible to anything and sneaks off with it still in his possession. Running into Nicole, (Jenicia Garcia) and Cedric, (Jakeem Sellers) vampire slayers who he stole the amulet from who have a gang of slayers ready to take them out, leading to a war between the two sides for control of the amulet.

The Good News: This one did have some good parts to it. One of the main things to this is that there's several action scenes which are pretty good. The foot chase through the park is really nice, coming across as pretty intense and actually interesting with the elements present during the course of it all is fun to watch. This includes the bizarre bit of humor where, attempting to flee from the commandos hot on his heels, he stops to fight with a guy over the man's bicycle. Eventually wining and ripping the bike from the guy's hands, he hops on, begins to pedal, is unable to figure out how to work the gears and throws the bicycle in anger. It's very bizarre and unexpected but also quite funny. That is's mixed in with the rest of the solid action allows for a nice divergence, and makes it a little more fun and enjoyable. There's also the great shootout during the robbery, which is always fun and there's also the introduction of the main comedic scene in the film, a deaf riff that produces some good lines in here and it's also really fast-paced. The main one, though, is the big raid on the hideout at the end, which is really the big action set-piece in the film. From the wipe-out of the hunters to the confrontation with the main one and the dealings between the two, it's really fun and actually ends the film on a high. The only other part to this that's worthwhile is the film's pretty enjoyable premise, which isn't exactly new but does feel somewhat entertaining in a weird sense and actually has something to it. There's not much else to this one.

The Bad News: There was very little to like about it, and there's a couple of big flaws in this one. One of the main ones is that the film decides on telling the back-story to this is told in twenty minutes. Following the crime and seeing what's happened to them to put them into their current situation takes up twenty minutes of time, forcing the remaining hour of time into the proper story. It has one hour to tell the story, which is pretty interesting on it's own, in the amount of time it has, which is pretty hard to do, and that could've been done in easily half the amount of time. Trim the mansion break-in and lose some of the cutaways and it's certainly a much more workable time slot, but that opening back-story is really hard to get over. The fact that there's pretty much a whole bunch of useless scenes afterward, from the prostitute meeting, that generates no nudity at all in a really-long sequence, to the first meet-up and all the scenes in the motel room that serve to just spread the time out even more are even harder, and make the film's pace in this quite hard to get over, proving to be a major flaw in this. There's also the really bad special effects on display. The blood is just colored water, whenever we get gore as there's very little on-screen deaths or even violence in this one, the prop-guns are visibly store-bought, and the CGI used to simulate the guns being fired is laughable every time it's done, which is really bad in a film with as many gunfights as this one. Less intimidating vampires have rarely been seen on screen, as they're just dudes with fake teeth that look really bad. These all pretty much peg the film as ultra-cheap and not really all that exciting or interesting, as it's hard to stay interested when it rarely makes an effort to force the viewer into paying attention to the film. These here are the film's main flaws, although the pacing of it is the main thing.

The Final Verdict: With a couple of really damaging flaws and a couple of parts that are somewhat interesting, this one is pretty hard to recommend. Worth a look for urban-horror aficionados or find the concept interesting, though those look for more complete vampire fare should look elsewhere.

Rated R: Extreme Graphic Language, Violence and drug use

Inner City Vampire Hunting

[jfgibson73 · 4/10 · 23 April 2010]

I liked this movie. I was extremely low budget, with ridiculous effects and poor film quality. And yet, I liked the way it looked. It made it feel even closer to being there. And that is a reason that people watch movies--to be transported.

I thought the writing was actually somewhat clever, and I liked the dialog for the most part. There was a lot of slang, which I always enjoy. I didn't think there was ANYTHING wrong with the acting. Some people will probably find it a little wooden or amateurish, but again, I enjoyed it in spite of these perceived shortcomings. I guess for me, it still feels more real than many wide release, big budget movies, because the actors sound more like how people actually talk. My favorite performance was Lila Blake Palmer, who I wish I could see in some other movies.

The story was about a vampire trying to get an amulet that would give him limitless powers. He forces his ex-partner, who did time because of him, to get it back from a group of vampire hunters. The one thing I didn't like was what happened to a lot of the characters at the end. I would have liked to see a different resolution. But I liked it enough to seek out other movies by the filmmakers--next I'll watch Zombiez, then Bloodz vs. Wolvez.

Possibly Worst Vampire Film Ever Made

[exchronos · 1/10 · 30 September 2006]

As a vampire enthusiast I was quite excited to watch this film, and yet I was disappointed with what I watched.

The story has some merit I guess, and the characterization is a little over simplified. They at least seemed to try to make this a good film, and while watching I was ever hopeful that they would succeed.

The acting is believable at best, and the urban atmosphere is greatly accomplished. Yet in the end it still leaves something to be desired, and not everything is explained to satisfaction.

On the level of being a vampire film I do not believe it adds anything entirely new or sufficient to vampire mythos at all. In fact, the main plot seems to be a thematic rip off of "The Monster Squad" minus the other monsters, hero kids, or scary German guy (that last part may have been a spoiler, not sure though).

In conclusion, if you want to see a vampire film with a 99% African-American cast, 1972's "Blacula" is a million times better than this low budget disaster.

Sincerely, Exchronos

avoid avoid avoid

[alice_is_gay · 1/10 · 6 March 2006]

Have the director/editor/producer/writer etc actually realised what a complete pile of **** they have produced.. honestly i have no words to describe the complete and utter dismal absurdity and awfulness of this joke.. I'm not going even going to refer to it as a film because people have strapped video cameras to wild animals and produced more entertaining pieces of film..

where do i begin!? the whole thing with the white guy in the baby suit?!!? what?!? the 'gun fights' which produced no noise, blood, sound, smoke... oh wait.. there was a popping noise that seemed to go off every now and then....was that relevant or was it some errand boy opening a packet of crisps offstage? some black guy with a plastic dolls hand (which appears everywhere, in every single scene) randomly licking strawberry syrup off a paper plate?!!? some woman in a wheel chair!? general pointless running into buildings which have coloured lamps in each room!? there is no obvious plot, horrific script (i think most of it was improv.. not that it shows or anything), stupid effects that I'm sure have been created random using tat from a corner shop, i think most of the costume (ie. vampire teeth, some amulet) came out of Christmas crackers. the Video camera skills are similar to that seen on You've Been Framed, no evident 'acting' to speak of, just monotonous pointless talking/rambling.

OK what else... honestly i don't even know why I'm wasting my time writing this, please just heed my warnings!! this film is NOT so bad its funny. it goes past that because the cast and crew are actually taking this seriously! i laughed for 1/4 quarter of it.. then i just got disgusted and bored. I'm glad i didn't pay money for this sorry excuse for a 'ghetto vampire film' AND MAKE SURE YOU Don't EITHER!!! bye bye (^_^)

you tellin me you don't want no paper for your bum ass pockets?

[Rivan_42 · 10/10 · 18 July 2007]

What. This movie is the greatest movie ever made. Why? Because no movie has ever made me projectile vomit during every scene. And by projectile vomit, I mean, I kept falling asleep and when I woke up I hadn't missed any of the plot. In fact, so many lines and scenes were repeated that this 3 hour movie could have easily been edited down to about 20 minutes of fake vampire attacking scenes. This movie caused me to ponder the important questions about life. Such as 1.) Why was some dude wearing a bunny suit to bed? 2.) Why didn't Jakeem/Richard want to put some money in his bum ass pockets? 3.) How could this movie have beaten The Gingerdead Man, Ice Queen, and Troll 2 as the worst horror movie ever made? In conclusion, it will be quite a while before I decide to become a professional lock pick thief. This movie taught me tons of moral values like that. Like for example, you don't always have to bang prostitutes. Sometimes you can just ask them to hold you. Deep stuff. I can't wait for Vampiyaz 2, which can be expected to come out soon based on the intense cliffhanger ending we were left with at the end of the first one.

Velociraptor Vampires and a Levitating Wheelchair

[Dr. Gore · 13 November 2004]

*SPOILER ALERT* *SPOILER ALERT*

Gangsta vampires. Vampiyaz. Amulets. Gangstas cursing and shooting at each other. Incompetent film-making. That's what "Vampiyaz" is all about. It's a pretty cruddy B-movie that has two elements that stand out: Velociraptor Vampires and a Levitating Wheelchair.

The vampires in this movie don't like to sneak up on people. Whenever they decide to attack, they howl like a Velociraptor from "Jurassic Park". Nothing says B-movie like a dino vamp attack.

There was one scene at the end which gave me a huge laugh.

*SPOILER ALERT*

One of the heroines has a bomb strapped to her wheelchair. The main hero is trying to diffuse it. She's nagging him to death while he goes to work. Finally, she lets her secret out. She knows it was him who ran her over and subsequently put her in a wheelchair. The hero looks at her dumbfounded and the bomb goes off. This bomb scene was hilarious. A puff of smoke goes off and her wheelchair goes straight up and levitates. It is the cheapest, most cut-rate explosion scene I have ever seen but it gave me a laughing fit. I rewound that scene about three times. Thank God I found something good in "Vampiyaz".