- Clitarissa Pink: Honey, I'm a man with his balls tucked into his asshole, not a telephone directory.
- Clitarissa Pink: [breaks up fight] Woah, woah, woah, woah. What's going on here?
- [to fat bar patron]
- Clitarissa Pink: Nu-huh, I done told you to get yo fat ass outta here. Go on, bitch! Just because you can't find yo penis, doesn't mean anybody wants to help you!
- Clitarissa Pink: You know what Javier? You weren't there! You were never there when I needed you so why don't you just mix up your little drinks with your tank and your hair and SHUT THE FUCK UP! Glorified water boy...
- Donna Tyler: [Mom's voice-over of the letter Devon finds on waking] The next time you decide to sleep in the nude, two words... Lock the Door.