Blue Collar TV (TV Series 2004–2006) - Larry the Cable Guy as Various, Various Characters

Dooley : I made brown.
Ed : What's the number for 911?
Larry the Cable Guy : I believe... guns don't kill people, husbands that come home early do.
Jeff Foxworthy : I believe that no matter what anybody says, everybody pees in the pool.

Bill Engvall : Or in the shower.

Larry the Cable Guy : Or in the sink.

[Jeff and Bill give him weird looks]

Jeff Foxworthy : I believe... that's the last time I eat at your house.
Larry the Cable Guy : Look, I'm a pot head.

[breaks vase]
Larry the Cable Guy : [during the "things you don't want to hear people say when they first see you naked" thing] Jeez, smoking really does stunt your growth!
Larry the Cable Guy : [Larry notices a gray hair on his shirt] A gray hair. That can mean one of two things, either I'm gettin' old or I need to stop picking women up at bingo.
Papaw : [to Terry Tackett] If you're about to do what I think you're gonna do, I'll slit your throat when you're asleep.
Bill Engvall : [New Year's resolutions] I resolve to stop wearing women's underwear.

[Jeff moves away from him and next to Larry]

Larry the Cable Guy : I resolve to start wearing underwear.

[Jeff moves away from Larry]
Larry the Cable Guy : I believe if I had a dollar for every time my dad told me he loved me... well money ain't really important here.
Larry the Cable Guy : [talking about scary things] Picture this, a proctologist showing up with a miner's hat and a pick axe.
Larry the Cable Guy : [about PC fairy tales] It just burns me up!

Larry the Cable Guy: Various, Various Characters