Sex Lives of the Potato Men (2004)

Johnny Vegas: Dave

Quotes 

• Dave : [Sees Ferris trying to do crazy paving]  What happened here?

  Ferris : It's crazy paving.

  Dave : This isn't crazy paving Ferris, this is just shit.

  Ferris : I was trying to... you know?

  Dave : You've got no artistic vision here, have you? It's just a random fucking big mess.

  Ferris : It's crazy paving, you just bung slabs down.

  Dave : No, I think you're focusing too much on the crazy aspect, and not enough on the paving side of it.

  Ferris : Have you come round here just to have a go at my crazy paving?

  Dave : No, but...

  Ferris : What then?

  Dave : Nothing.

  Ferris : [stands up and moves aside]  You're standing on my string.

  Dave : What kind of concrete are you using? Cause you know there's different kinds, don't ya?

  Ferris : I'm not being funny Dave, but you're getting on my nerves.

  Dave : I'm just saying there's different types of concrete. Use the wrong one and... you're fucked!

  Ferris : It's just ordinary concrete!

  Dave : Tolly is driving me round the twist. He never stops wanking. I just had to get out of there.

  Ferris : Try living here with Joan. Twenty-four hours a day it's either blowjobs or crazy paving.

  Dave : Look at us. Half-eleven on a Saturday morning. We shouldn't be standing here like this. We're young blokes! We should be living life to the full. We should be down the pub!

• Poppy : What are you after?

  Dave : Nothing. I thought we could go for a walk. I haven't really had time to talk to you that much.

  Poppy : So that's your game, is it? Talking.

  Dave : I thought it'd be nice, just me and you. Have a nice conversation. Go for a quick walk around the park.

  Poppy : Dave, I hardly know you. I'm not just going to go walking around the park with you.

  Poppy : Alright then, forget it.

  Poppy : I'm having a few people around next week for group sex if you're interested.

• Dave : If I wasn't so lazy, I'd become a workaholic.