Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005) Poster

Jordan Fry: Mike Teavee

Photos 

Quotes 

  • Mike Teavee : Why is everything here completely pointless?

    Charlie Bucket : Candy doesn't have to have a point. That's why it's candy.

  • Mike Teavee : Who wants a beard?

    Willy Wonka : Well, beatniks for one, folk singers, and motorbike riders. Y'know. All those hip, jazzy, super cool, neat, keen, and groovy cats. It's in the fridge, daddy-o! Are you hip to the jive? Can you dig what I'm layin' down? I knew that you could. Slide me some skin, soul brother!

  • Mr. Salt : [as the squirrels take Veruca]  Where are they taking her?

    Willy Wonka : Where all the other bad nuts go, to the garbage chute.

    Mr. Salt : Where does the chute go?

    Willy Wonka : To the incinerator. But don't worry, we only light it on Tuesdays.

    Mike Teavee : Today *is* Tuesday.

    Willy Wonka : [after a pause]  Well, there's always a chance they decided not to light it today.

  • Mike Teavee : You don't understand *anything* about science! First off, there's a difference between waves and particles! DUH! Second, the amount of power it would take to convert energy into matter would be like nine atomic bombs!

    Willy Wonka : MUMBLER! Seriously, I can't understand a word you're saying!

  • Mike Teavee : In the end, I only had to buy one candy bar.

    TV Reporter : And how did it taste?

    Mike Teavee : I don't know. I hate chocolate.

    Grandpa George : Well, it's a good thing you're going to a chocolate factory, you ungrateful little bu-

    [Mr. Bucket claps his hands over Charlie's ears so he can't hear what's being said] 

  • Veruca Salt : Will Violet always be a blueberry?

    Willy Wonka : No. Maybe. I dunno. But that's what you get from chewing gum all day, it's just disgusting.

    Mike Teavee : If you hate gum so much, why do you make it?

    Willy Wonka : Once again you really shouldn't mumble, 'cause it's kinda starting to bum me out.

  • Willy Wonka : You're all quite short, aren't you?

    Violet Beauregarde : Well yeah, we're children.

    Willy Wonka : Well that's no excuse. I was never as short as you.

    Mike Teavee : You were once.

    Willy Wonka : Was not. Know why? Because I distinctly remember putting a hat on top of my head. Look at your short little arms. You could never reach.

  • Willy Wonka : [coming upon a tiny door]  An important room, this. After all, it is a chocolate factory.

    Mike Teavee : Then, why is the door so small?

    Willy Wonka : That's to keep all the great big chocolatey flavor inside.

  • [Mike starts stomping on a candy pumpkin, completely destroying it] 

    Mr. Teavee : Son, please.

    Mike Teavee : Dad, he said, "Enjoy!"

  • Mike Teavee : [seeing the Oompa-Loompas for the first time]  Are they real people?

    Willy Wonka : Of course they're real people. They're Oompa Loompas.

    Mr. Salt : Oompa Loompas?

    Willy Wonka : Imported. Direct from Loompaland.

    Mr. Teavee : There's no such place.

    Willy Wonka : What?

    Mr. Teavee : Mr. Wonka, I teach high school geography, and I'm here to tell you...

    Willy Wonka : Well, then, you'll know all about it and, oh, what a terrible country it is.

  • Mr. Teavee : [has just seen chocolate transported by television]  So, can you send other things? Say, like, breakfast cereal?

    Willy Wonka : Do you have any idea what breakfast cereal's made of? It's those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners.

    Charlie Bucket : But could you send it by television if you wanted to?

    Willy Wonka : Course I could.

    Mike Teavee : What about people?

    Willy Wonka : Well, why would I wanna send a person? They don't taste very good at all.

  • Mike Teavee : A retard could figure it out.

    Mr. Teavee : Most of the time, I don't know what he's talking about. I mean, kids these days, what with all the technology...

    Mike Teavee : [blasting enemies in a video game]  Die! Die! Die!

    Mr. Teavee : Doesn't seem like they stay kids very long.

  • Mike Teavee : Just put me back in the other way.

    Willy Wonka : There is no other way. It's television, not telephone. There's quite a difference.

  • Mike Teavee : Back off, you little freaks!

  • Charlie Bucket : Mr. Wonka? Why would Augustus' name already be in the Oompa-Loompa song, unless - ?

    Willy Wonka : Improvisation is a parlor trick. Anyone can do it.

    [Turns to look at Violet] 

    Willy Wonka : You, little girl. Say something. Anything.

    Violet Beauregarde : Chewing gum.

    Willy Wonka : Chewing gum is really gross. Chewing gum, I hate the most. See? Exactly the same.

    Mike Teavee : No, it isn't.

    Willy Wonka : [Pretends not to hear]  Uh, you really shouldn't mumble. Because I can't hear a word you're saying. Now, on with the tour.

    [Starts walking and everyone else follows] 

  • [the gum machine spits out a single piece of gum] 

    Mike Teavee : You mean that's it?

    Willy Wonka : Do you even know what *it* is?

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs


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