Rock Me, Baby (2003–2004)

Tammy Townsend: Pam Gibson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Pam : Can you see my nipples in this picture?

  Beth : Nope. No nippage.

  Pam : Damn! I gotta get these reshot. It's for the cover of my demo CD and the title is "Caught in the Headlights!"

• Pam : I often forget guys that annoy me. I call it Pamnesia.

• Pam : Babies, football, and Carl. Who knew they served quiche in hell?

• Pam : It's me, Pam. Open the door, it's an emergency!

  Beth : What's the matter?

  Pam : I'm hungry!

• Pam : I was meetin' a blind date for dinner tonight but there was a problem.

  Beth : What was the problem?

  Pam : He was ugly. And I'm not blind!

• Pam : Guys are always askin', "How many guys have you been with before me? Be honest." And then you tell'em 28 and suddenly they start lookin at you different.

  Beth : 28?

  Pam : Imagine if I'd told the truth!

• Pam : Why do women start saying things like "diapee" and "poopie" after they have a kid?

  Beth : Sounds better than "feces" and "pee-catcher".

• Beth : I'm a terrible mother!

  Pam : See, that's why I take the pill twice a day. I'm goin to take a bonus one right now.

• Pam : Beth, you're the boss, and as the boss, it's your job to make him think that he's the boss.

  Beth : What the hell are you talking about?

  Pam : I don't know. I saw it on "Who's the Boss?"

• Pam : Boy, look at these misfits. This place looks like a 7-11 after midnight.

• Carl : You over here talkin' about me? Cause my ears are burnin'.

  Pam : Must be the Aqua Velva.

• Pam : I don't date guys like him unless they're rich and in very poor health.

• Carl : I wouldn't be so quick to dis me if I were you, Pam.

  Pam : You know what, Carl? You're right. I'll dis you more slowly. Goooooo awaayyyy!

• Carl : I could use a little eye candy in my picture.

  Pam : Well, I'm sorry, Carl, but you're gonna have to find some other eye candy... 'cause ya ain't gonna lick me.

• Pam : When you have a dinner party, I'm there... even though I know Carl's gonna be staring like it's his birthday and my ass is the cake.

• Beth : ...we didn't have sex on our anniversary.

  Pam : Really? Well, even I had sex on your anniversary.

• Pam : Besides, there is nothing sexier than stripping in front of a bunch of strangers. Or people you know. Ah, hell, I guess the key here is just getting naked.

• Pam : Well, hello, my name's Pam. But my stripper name is Pam... demonium. And I'm here because I got the package--I just wanna learn how to deliver it.

• Pam : Oooohh, that woman is hot! You know, I don't swing that way, but if I did... Mmmmmm, Jessica Alba!

• Pam : OL, so you sent him to interview Jessica Alba with explicit instructions not to mention his wife? Good move, Beth.

• Pam : I don't like comin' over here when you and Jimmy are fighting. The tension's bad for my digestion. I'll have to start eating my meals at home. I'll still be getting 'em here, I'll just be taking them home.

• Beth : Oh, come on, Otis, it's strained peas and squash. How can you not like this?

  Pam : Four words: "strained peas and squash".

• Beth : Look at these teeny tiny little sneakers. Oh, and this tiny little hat. Oh, how come teeny tiny things are always so cute?

  Pam : They're not all cute. Some of them are just inadequate.

• Beth : Oh, look at this crib and it's 25% off.

  Pam : Hey, why don't they make these things for adults? So many places to attach handcuffs.

  Beth : Pam, could you clean up your act? We are in a baby store.

  Pam : I know! How come they have to make everything in here so sexual?

• Pam : You know, you're not that bad when you're looking me in the eyes and not the sweater.

  Carl : You know what? I'm glad you brought that up cause I gotta know. Are they real or, uh, contacts?

  Pam : Oh, they're definitely real. My vision is 36-24-36.

• Pam : Carl, the way they're staring at us to see if we'll hook up, it's... it's like we're on "Elimidate".

• Pam : Who's ready to shop? Because there are some clothes out there that are dying to try me on.

• Pam : I'll stay here with Otie. You two go.

  Beth : Pam, I can't leave you with a sick baby.

  Pam : I know, but I had to pretend to offer.

• Pam : If I wanted to be watched all the time, I'd reconnect the webcam in my bedroom.

• Beth : At times like this, I wish I were a guy.

  Pam : Yeah, I wish I was a guy too... cause then I'd find out what it's like to have sex with me.

• Carl : Hey, you - you have a webcam in your bedroom?

  Pam : Yeah, I call it the Hot Pam Cam... dot org... dot gasm.

• Pam : You think Otis is gonna wake up with all this noise in here?

  Beth : Oh, not a chance. He'll save that for the exact moment I fall asleep tonight.

• Pam : He's not my boyfriend.

  Beth : Oh, really? Don't you date him? Accept gifts from him? Sleep with him every night?

  Pam : Yes.

  Beth : Well, then, what does that make him?

  Pam : Lucky!

• Beth : OK, if we are going to tame the wild booty monster inside of you, then we have to do a "flirt intervention". The first step is to recognize that you cannot flirt your way through life.

  Pam : What are you talking about? I just flirt socially... on weekends... at parties... Oh, it doesn't hurt anyone.

• Beth : Have you ever flirted while you were alone?

  Pam : Well, once in a while I look in the mirror... Well, it's not my fault. I'm cute, dammit!

• Beth : Now, do you remember when you started flirting?

  Pam : Yes. I was five. Little Timmy Johnson had this toy truck. I didn't want the truck, but I wanted him to give me the truck. So I batted my eyes and I told him how fine he looked in that sandbox. Well the next thing you know, I had his truck, all his action figures and the keys to his big wheel. From then on I was hooked.

• Beth : You're weak! You're a nobody! You're nothing!

  Pam : What are you doing?

  Beth : Breaking ya down so we can build you back up.

  Pam : All right, fine. But when you build me back up, can you add a few inches to my bustline?

• Beth : He uses my body for nine months like it's an all-you-can-eat salad bar at Sizzler and his first word is "Da-Da".

  Pam : Well maybe he wasn't saying "Da-Da". Maybe he was lookin at me and sayin, "D- damn, Pam's fine".

• [Jimmy awakens Pam by pulling a sleeping bag off of her, thinking she's Carl] 

  Pam : What? You touch my butt once and you come back for seconds?

  Carl : Did he grab your butt? Cause he grabbed mine earlier. What's up with you and Black booty?

• [Carl and Pam have sex on a rooftop] 

  Carl : So listen, what we did up here tonight, right, qualifies us for the, uh, 800-Foot-High Club.

  Pam : Yeah, but I'm already a member--since 1992.