- Jon Arbuckle: [Liz] She is so beautiful.
- Garfield: Uh, Mr Pathetic. You've had a crush on her since high school. Would you please ask her out so she can reject you and we can get on with my life?
- Jon Arbuckle: [a mouse runs by] Mouse!
- Garfield: No thanks, I'm full.
- [mouse runs away]
- Jon Arbuckle: Get him Garfield!
- Garfield: [looks at mouse then back at Jon] Get him Jon.
- Garfield: [to Jon] You went in there to get a date and came out with a dog. That's bad even for you.
- Jon Arbuckle: Garfield, did you eat all four boxes of lasagna?
- Garfield: [hiccups] It's not my fault. They started it.
- Garfield: Oh, Sleeping Beauty, wake up. You can stop dreaming about me, because I'm here. Now just wake up. You got work to do. You're not just my owner, you're my primary caregiver. Now be a...
- Jon Arbuckle: Not now, Garfield.
- [Wraps arm around Garfield]
- Garfield: [choking] Get- A- Ah- Just- All right. Cut the sweet stuff. Easy now. Just-
- [breaks free]
- Garfield: Trying to cuddle with me, huh? Trying to avoid your duties, eh? Well, that just ain't gonna fly! It isn't gonna work with me. See, I'm getting my exercise, doin' my job. Just one quick CANNONBALL!
- [jumps from TV and hits Jon in the stomach]
- Garfield: Morning.
- Jon Arbuckle: Garfield!
- Nermal: Garfield, Jon's taking Odie on his date with Liz and he's leaving you behind.
- Garfield: I know, Nermal.
- Nermal: They're off on an adventure and you're still here.
- Garfield: And your point is...?
- Nermal: Well, that's gotta feel bad, being left by Jon while he takes Odie out, it's like... you're not his favorite anymore!
- Garfield: Hey, what do you say we play brain surgeon? Would you go get my power tools? Hmm...
- [Garfield sees the truck leaving the house]
- Garfield: This is so sad. Jon has completely lost his mind. He doesn't realize how important I am to him.
- Garfield: [after Garfield's been netted by animal control and sees the captive Odie with Happy Chapman] Hey, McGillicuddy. There's an animal felony happening right there behind you.
- Happy Chapman: [to Garfield] Nice kitty.
- Garfield: Let's see what's on the news.
- [zaps Happy Chapman with the shock collar]
- [Garfield shoves Odie off a chair]
- Garfield: Down, dumb dog!
- [Odie jumps on Garfield's chair again]
- Garfield: Whoa... what part of "no" don't you understand? The push-off-the-chair?
- [pushes Odie off the chair]
- Garfield: Off! I don't wanna play!
- [Odie jumps on Garfield's chair one more time]
- Garfield: Look, what am I supposed to say? Thanks, for saving my hide with Luca? Okay, thanks for saving my hide with Luca.
- [pushes Odie off the chair]
- Garfield: Get off!
- Garfield: [Garfield is pigging out on flavor blasted Goldfish and then he burps] Ah, and that's a sign that the tank is full.
- Garfield: Houston! we have a problem! Odie, get off the pail. Would you get off the pail, please? Alright, time for a new game. It's called "My Claw In Your Butt" game! Come on! Get back here! I'll just use my left claw! If my legs were longer I would have caught you by now! Come back here! Just a second.
- [panting]
- Garfield: Slow... down...
- Garfield: Poor Odie. He faces a life of torture, neglect and degradation... Hey, nobody gets to mistreat my dog like that except me!
- Persnikitty: Will you please keep quiet? God, god! Oh, this really is too much.
- Garfield: Hey, Persnikitty! Happy Chapman's cat! What are you doing here?
- Persnikitty: I was his cat, until I outlived my purpose. And then he replaced me with a dog and dumped me in this wretched place. All humans are the same.
- Garfield: Not my owner. He only does what's best for me. He puts up with me and he feeds me.
- Persnikitty: And he lets you vacation in this charming animal pound. Hello.
- Garfield: Not for long, Persnikitty.
- Persnikitty: Would you please just stop calling me that? My name isn't really Persnikitty. It's Sir Roland.
- Garfield: Sir Roland.
- Persnikitty: Yeah, that's another one of Happy Chapman's acts of cruelty. I was trained in a classical theater, you know, mm-hmm. But now I'm a celebrity cable castoff cat, with a name I can never live down.
- Garfield: Well this may hurt a little, but, I'm trying to rescue the dog that replaced you, Persnikitty... I mean, Roland. Happy and Odie are getting on a train in less than two hours, to become regulars on Good Day New York.
- Spanky: Wait a minute. Did I just hear that? You're a cat that's trying to rescue a dog?
- Garfield: It's true, I know, it's a crime against nature. At first I thought he was a pain but, he's grown on me like a wart you wanna have removed until you realized it defines you in some funny way.
- Persnikitty: You know what, that is absolutely charming.
- Spanky: Let me ask you one question, chubby. What are you talking about?
- Garfield: How could you understand? He's my friend.
- Garfield: [watching Jon go after a mouse] Its always got to be smashing and crashing. Nobody poisons anymore.
- Jon Arbuckle: Some part of me has always wanted to know what it would be like to have a pet that actually wants to play with you.
- Jon Arbuckle: [Jon's lost both his pets] First Odie, and now Garfield. I am the worst pet owner on the planet.
- Garfield: [Odie in a cage on the train] These are the kind of seats you get when you book at the last minute.
- Garfield: [before zapping Happy Chapman with the shock collar] Odie, would you mind sharing the remote, please? Every dog has his day, Happy.