Ax 'Em (1992) User Reviews

Holy b@#$%slap Buddha on a bicycle.

[HellOnWiehls · 1/10 · 31 May 2006]

I was once happy. There was a time for me when life seemed worth living. There was a time when my mind wasn't constantly flooded with images of my own eviscerated corpse hanging from a noose. That was the time before I saw Ax 'Em.

The term "worst movie ever made" is thrown around quite often to describe films of this nature. No one ever anticipates, however, that somewhere in the world, there honestly is a worst movie ever made. I'm not one to make assumptions, but I seriously believe that this is, in fact, the greatest cinematic travesty in history. It's like this Mfume guy sat down and wrote a list of every movie-making no-no that could ever be committed, and then made it a point to stuff every single one of these into one incredibly terrible film (and I use the term "film" quite loosely).

The first thing you'll notice is that there seem to be about six or seven different cameras used, each one more awful than the last. The sound quality is horrendous in ways that simply cannot be understood until you see the movie. The plot seems to be that a bunch of African American individuals dressed in clothing that would've been considered fashionable in 1991 running around trying not to get killed by some sort of zombie/psycho or something. I think. I'm really not sure.

Despite the title, the killer guy only uses an ax like, once. He mostly uses a machete or a gun.

The horrid nature of this film is absolutely mind-boggling in a way that makes you wonder how such a thing even exists.

I've still not completely banished the theory that Mfune made this with the intention of creating some sort of bizarre ironic comedy movie. If this is true, then he should be hailed as a genius.

Unbelievable

[El_Guapo9 · 1/10 · 10 July 2004]

When I watched "Ax 'Em" I found myself wondering one simple thing: How did this movie get distributed? Honestly, it is that bad. The film quality and sound quality are non-existent. Honestly, I've seen better quality from a VHS camcorder in a dark room recording Barbies. The plot is so asinine that I can't believe Michael Mfume actually got as many people to be in it as he did. I guess the best comparison of this movie is "The Evil Dead" made by Sam Raimi and a bunch of his friends (including Bruce Campbell) when they were in college. You could compare it to that, the only difference is while "The Evil Dead" is extremely well done for its budget and limited crew, this movie is just plain awful.

The title is spelled differently on the box than it is on the movie itself. There is really no ax in the movie at all, there is a small hatchet though. Words are misspelled everywhere in the movie's introduction. The opening credits look like something that could have been made on a 1986 camcorder and there is no editing. The same scene appears in the movie twice in a row. You really can't understand anything that the characters say, the sound is that bad.

The movie starts out with a bunch of young people dancing when a "Yo Momma" contest breaks out, and from here it actually goes downhill if you can believe that. When a group of characters like Rock and Breakfast go on a trip to a cabin in the middle of nowhere they are stalked by some guy. I'm not really sure if there was some connection there, but it was just basically some guy whose family was killed or something and now he's out for revenge.

This is a good movie for people who like bad movies. There are many parts that are so bad they are funny, although usually this isn't a good things in movies. If there was a way to give this film a zero I would.

1 out of 10.

I actually saw this movie in the theater!!!!!

[moviemanic07 · 1/10 · 8 May 2005]

A group of African-American college students head out to the country for a weekend of fun and find themselves being slaughtered instead in this film written and directed by Michael Mfume. Sadly, the killer's first victim must've been the sound man because barely a word spoken in this film is audible. Now let's be honest folks. We users of the IMDb tend to be a little too quick in declaring that this or that film the worst one ever made. People have certainly done that about this film too. The difference is that this time they are right! This film is simply unwatchable. Even cheese-lovers will be tempted to poke their eyes out. So many people have complained the time they wasted watching this DVD. Well, I'm one up on you. I actually saw this movie in the theater! That's right, back when it was made, around 1992, the film managed to get limited theatrical release in Mfume's hometown of Baltimore. (This disservice to the movie-going public was probably as a result of the fact that Mfume's father was a US Congressman from Baltimore at the time.) The film was originally called "The Weekend It Lives." I don't think I walked out on the movie. I was with some friends and I believe we were all too stunned to move. As stunned as I was at the time, I am even more stunned that someone actually released it on DVD. It's not simply that the movie is bad. There are plenty of bad movies out there, and I enjoy many of them. What surprises me about this film is it's total lack of film-making competence. The sound is horrible, as if they were only using the built-in microphone on a camcorder. The picture is almost as bad. I have seen better films made by grade school students.

No, this film will never be listed on my resume!

[gbvideopro · 1/10 · 9 February 2007]

After recently finding out that this "film" was in distribution, I could not believe it myself. I offer my deepest apologies to the world for cutting this. My initial thoughts while editing this for what I believe was a first film ever for the Writer/ Producer was that I should be drinking adult beverages while pushing the buttons. But then again, the old saying comes to mind, "It doesn't matter if the publicity is good or bad just spell my name right." Which brings me to another point, I will have to review this film again, no matter how painful it will be. From what I am reading this is a re-cut of what I have been given "credit" for editing...I do not remember EVER putting my real name on this piece of work. Well generally, the comments are true about how it was technically done. It was really edited from a window-dub VHS tape blown up to cover that information for nearly 80% of the footage provided. But in my defense, I have several Telly Awards for editing among many other honors and you have seen my work on Discover Wings Channel, PBS, BET and perhaps CBS News feeds. Don't hold this movie against me PLEASE!!!

Yes friends, you can make a movie for $22.58.

[KCohere · 1/10 · 23 April 2004]

Without exaggeration, I can safely say that this is the absolutely worst, most low-rent movie I have ever seen in my life. It simply has to be seen to be believed, and even when I was watching it I could hardly believe what I was seeing. Everything about it is atrocious from the effects to the "acting".

For one thing, I have never seen a movie that had a box around the picture. It's really hard to believe that this isn't someones bad student picture that accidently got on the shelves of the video store. The fact that this movie was actually distributed boggles my mind. The sound is so bad you can't hear half of what's being said. The direction is non-existent. The characters are the dumbest, most annoying jerks ever. The effects are so cheap they belong in an Ed Wood movie, not in a film made in 2002. The production values are worse that Manos: the Hands of Fate (chew on that for awhile). I can't say enough how phenomenally bad this movie is. Michael MFume, I hope you are hanging your head in shame.

You Axed For It!

[whammy666 · 1/10 · 21 May 2005]

THis movie is amazing. I rented it from Hollywood Video after hearing it was the worst film ever, I though, "A movie worse than The Item? A Miracle!" No this is not worse than The Item. I rented it on VHS, and the small screen is funny as heck. Then I had to, I had to buy the DVD. The DVD sucks. No disc menu, and they enlarged the screen! The sound is supposed to be stereo sound or whatever but you still cant hear them....friggin hysterical. This movie has so many problems, it is just funny. I cant wait to show this crap to my friends. Check this one out if you wanna see a bad, bad, bad, bad movie. But get it on VHS cause of the small screen. Makes the movie funnier. Micheal Mfume we love you!!!!!!

Nothing to see here, keep moving

[MADMANMARZ · 11 March 2003]

Normally I'm very cinematically tolerant, I can find good in very bad movies. For example I think "Invasion Of The Blood Farmers" is a great film. "Ax Em" has nothing redeeming about it. This is a backyard production but that does not always mean a bad viewing experience, there are several creative amateur productions on the video market. This is not one of them. The sound is inaudible most of the time, yet you can clearly hear the director say "cut" after every painful scene. The cast frequently all talks at once making it impossible to understand anything. There is not one effectively executed sequence in the whole production. It is absolutely amazing this film got distributed WIDELY on home video by a company which specializes in "Urban" features. If you subtract all the technical ineptness, you still have a poorly written, poorly directed, poorly photographed, creatively sterile waste of time. Take it from me I have watched 20 years worth of B horror movies.

Incredulous

[xredgarnetx · 1/10 · 4 April 2006]

AX EM, an "urban" flick purportedly about a slasher, is one of only two movies I have given a "1" rating here. The other is NIGHT OF THE GHOULS. I would place MANOS in the same category, but I forget if I ever wrote about it here. AX EM is not a film, and it is hardly even a home movie. It was shot using a camcorder and the cam's mike, so that the sound -- uncorrected, natch -- is beyond the point of muddy. AX EM makes that dancing killer scarecrow movie and that pot-bellied mummy movie look like CITIZEN KANE. A big piece of the running time is given over to footage of an actual urban parade! AX EM is truly unwatchable. I should have known better. I rented it from a store, behind which sits a huge Section 8 housing project. Truly a numbnuts film for numbnuts.

Visually atrocious, Painfully bad

[yojimbo999 · 1/10 · 7 March 2003]

If there is one saving grace to "Ax 'Em", it's that there is about a 10-minute window where the film becomes the funniest movie I've ever seen in a long time. Unfortunately it's just 10 minutes worth of laughs (including a white victim who keeps falling down as per the usual black critique of white victims in horror movies). The film itself is visually atrocious. I don't really know what happened, but my bet would be that the filmmaker shot the film in 16MM, transferred to tape in order to edit it, but somehow forgot about tape degradation that comes with generational dubbing. As a result, nearly half of "Ax 'Em" looks like a grainy home video, only that would be insulting rainy home videos. This is, incidentally, perfect fodder for Mystery Science Theater 3000, if only that show was still around.

If this movie was meant to be bad, it would've been great

[intime · 1/10 · 14 April 2005]

This movie, obviously made by college kids while high, has got to be in the top 5 worst of all time. Minor story development, zero character devel, a $10 budget and that includes the equipment too. (I don't actually know the real budget but it can't be very high.) Plus, possibly the worst crew ever. You can easily see a befuddled pepsi fan (if you saw it you'd know what i mean.) trying to get out of the shot after he clicked on the scene. (this is possibly the best part of the movie. We rewound it a dozen times).

To say this film had a script and story written by a slow third grader, would be kind. It appears to be a collection of random scenes and shots thrown together in a horrible attempt to create, even a trace, of a real movie. One scene would just follow another with no causality or plot line.

Or maybe it did have a good script, but i couldn't hear or see much of it because the plastic camera and tape recorder was 14 miles away. It was 90% inaudible and so snowy I smacked the DVD player thinking it was a bad connection. All i could make out was a decaying zombie who made superman look disabled. and you really never learn who he is or why he was killing everyone.

The actors(AKA any friend of the director)were obviously hanging around for the wrap party. And, I swear, that there were more main people in the movie at the end, than at the beginning. Although I believe 2 left early because in a very awkward scene about 3/4 through, a couple abandon their car and haul off down the road and you never see them again. (i think they left, because like I said, I'm truly under the impression there were more people in it at the end. And that's scary for a writer to forget they are isolated in the woods). None of these people had an ounce of acting ability. I'd be shocked to learn they had even seen a movie before. Maybe the director offered them grass, Hell, i'd act in that mess for some herb.

One thing however, above all, that really confuses me is..HOW DID THIS PIECE OF CRAP FIND ITS WAY TO MY VIDEO STORE??!!!! Who was the poor sap that got roped into that one? Maybe the producer was promised drugs cause unless your def, dumb, blind, and slightly retarded you wouldn't have gone near this film, especially with big finance money.(I paid to watched it because i am, slightly retarded, I'd have to be.)

And how desperate would you have to be to distribute this Grade D atrocity. That guy's probably rummaging a couch for change right now.

In the end, for a decent laugh at a college student film, it's fine. Don't watch it looking for a scare or anything resembling reason. It is a confusing, mashed-up, dump of a movie.

Ed Wood is alive and well and living in Michael Mfume

[Banandar · 1/10 · 28 April 2003]

To call "Ax 'Em" the worst movie in the history of motion pictures would be too easy. Because that would imply that it's unwatchable, which on so many levels it is. Yet it's the absolute utter incompetence on all levels, from the direction to the script to the acting, that makes it just so damn entertaining, because you are simply stupified that anyone thought this could ever make a coherent film. If you enjoy watching a film for its mistakes, "Ax 'Em" will never leave your DVD player, because from the mis-spelled words and incomprehsible grammar, to the nonsensical ending 72 minutes later, "Ax 'Em" proves that no matter how incompetent you are with a video camera, someone will distribute it.

What makes this film so wonderfully special is that the director's father, Kweisi Mfume, was a U.S. Congressman, and former head of the NAACP! There are moments of D.W. Griffith-esque racism that were they not made by a filmmaker of color, would pass as a scenes from a training video for the Klan. It is nearly impossible to understand what anyone says, simply because the video camera is set up for a wide shot, and nobody talks anywhere near a microphone. The film, if you could call it that, makes no sense on any level, but moments like the fat guy walking around in the back of one shot holding the slate will have you laughing for hours.

This is bad filmmaking at its best. Thank you, Michael Mfume, for this wonderful gift.

A Masterpiece...

[tkewin · 10/10 · 25 November 2018]

DJ Double-Cut Master Slice-Em Up Dice-Em Up OG So Nice J-Nice...

Amateur in every sense

[ThreeThumbsUp · 1/10 · 18 January 2011]

Shocking. Bizarre. Nonsense.

Those are the first three words that came to my head after watching this truly amateur production.

Shocking because this "film" was actually released to the general public and available in video stores around the nation.

Bizarre because of the storyline. A person kills his family and himself and then comes back from his grave 13 years later to exact revenge. On who? Himself? His dead family? His dead self? Nonsense because of the completely random dialogue and scenes. Why does the movie start at a random party and then jump to some dance completion at Morgan State University? Please don't try to answer that question.

Nonsense because there are four grammatical errors in the opening sequence explaining the events of the movie.

Nonsense because after one scene you can actually hear the director clearly say "cut." Nonsense because you cannot understand what the characters are saying unless they are three feet from the camera. And when you can hear them clearly, which is only about 24 percent of the time, its all Ebonics and curse words.

Think of the worst movie you have ever seen. Think Plan Nine from Outer Space. And then lower your standards. That's how horrible this movie is. It's in a completely alternate stratosphere than even the lowest F-grade movies you've seen. This picture honestly looks like a high school cinema class production that drags on for 70 minutes and I say that with 100 percent seriousness.

It deserves 0/10, but that's not possible, so I'm forced to give it 1/10. I am literally going to go back and change every movie I ever gave 1/10 and give it an extra star or two simply because even those awful pictures are 10 times better than this garbage.

Sloppy horror film should get the 'Ax'

[Michael_Pilkington · 1/10 · 1 March 2003]

Sloppy horror film - and it shows - about a group of not-so-bright teens on a weekend getaway in the woods targeted by a hulking maniac whose family was murdered years earlier. Amateur film (shot on a camcorder) suffers due to terrible acting, writing, directing and editing. More than half the film is muted so you can't hear what everybody is saying. The only thing that comes in clear is the rap music. If you rent this trash to get some laughs out of this, you'll be disappointed. Rent "Scary Movie," instead. My evaluation: (no stars).

Let's be real for a moment here

[Blazehgehg · 2/10 · 8 October 2017]

Okay, listen. Ax 'Em is a bad, terrible, poorly shot, poorly edited, ugly looking film that's hard to look at and even harder to hear the dialog. What's going on in the plot? Who knows. Once you get past the intro, it takes more than half of the movie before you see the killer again -- the rest of the film is taken up by scenes of our characters eating, or doing rounds of slinging "yo mama" jokes at each other.

But despite all of that? It's gleefully bad. This is clearly one of those movies where a group of friends went on vacation somewhere and somebody said, "Hey, why don't we make a movie?" Characters look directly in to the camera. Repeatedly. Sometimes, specifically to mug at the camera. On purpose. One character gets scared so badly that it cuts to a close-up shot of his shocked face where he's physically wiggling his eyeglasses with his hand to mimic a cartoon reaction. Sometimes, when they're running away and screaming in fear, some of them are laughing. One person actually, really, genuinely hurts themselves by accident while trying to look "cool."

These people are not good at making movies. I mean, you can hear the director yell "CUT!" clear as day at the end of one scene. This is a movie that's also shot on video, which is a shorthand to mean "they stuck a VHS tape into whatever camcorder they had lying around" and sometimes it looks like the section of tape being used was re-recorded over multiple times for how degraded the quality is.

But these people are obviously having a lot of fun doing this. I can't fault them for that. If I was out in the woods screwing around with my friends, trying to "make a movie" without a plan or a script or anything else, it'd probably turn out to be a lot like "Ax 'Em."

Does that mean you should watch Ax 'Em? This may be the lowest budget, lowest quality, most poorly-made movie I've ever seen. On a scale of "So bad it's good" to "So bad it's actually just bad", Ax 'Em simultaneously manages to be both. It's definitely best experienced in a group, and my friends have made a point to watch Ax 'Em every Halloween for three years running.

So, unless you know other people who thrive on bad movies, friends should never let friends watch Ax 'Em alone.

Worst Horror Movie of All Time (No, seriously!)

[FrightMeter · 1/10 · 24 October 2008]

Go to practically any low-budge slasher IMDb page and you will undoubtedly read a couple of user comments declaring it "the worst movie of all time." Apparently, you think to yourself, that person hasn't seen all that many movies, because "Ax'Em" make the "Prom Night" remake and "House of the Dead" look like "Casablanca." I have seen literally hundreds and hundreds of horror flicks, from the most popular, to the most obscure and let me honestly tell you that "Ax 'Em" IS the worst one I have ever seen. In fact, there will be justice until it sits at #1 on IMDb's bottom list. Words cannot express how terrible this movie is.

The "plot" centers around a group of friends who decide to go to a remote cabin for the weekend. What they don't know, however, is that a deranged killer stalks the woods and is looking for his next victims.

Um, first, EVERYTHING technical about this film SUCKS! The sound is terrible and it is virtually impossible to understand what any of the characters are saying at any given time (which is probably a good thing). The lighting is horrendous and the films stock is so cheap and grainy looking that again, it is hard to make out what is even going on on screen. Words are misspelled in the opening prologue and the same exact scenes appear over and over. The plot itself is nonsense and there is absolutely no attempt at any characterization (I honestly don't think characters even had names) and their actions consist of running around the woods, hiding under sheets, and running around the woods (yes, the exact same scene!). The killer is about a unintimidating as I have ever seen and the group really has no problem getting away from him simply by walking casually right past him. In fact, I don't even think he ends up killing any of the group, oh..except the girl that after he simply touches, drops over dead. Overall, the film amounts to random scene after random scene with no clear purpose, focus, or ending. Seriously, there is not one glimmer of competence to be found in the entire movie. Zero.

But, we can't really blame Michael Mfume for this garbage, but rather the distribution company that picked this up and said "hey, lets give it a cool cover and ship it to Blockbusters and Hollywood Videos all over the country!" Did they even watch it first? Please, avoid this god-awful piece of crap and listen to myself and the other reviewers on here. This is it, folks. The worst of the worst. Do NOT let curiosity get the best of you and seek this out to view.

FrightMeter Grade: F!!

Has to be seen to believe.

[pulpnicktion · 1/10 · 17 March 2008]

Even though I give Ax'Em a 1/10 I still want people to see it. Its one of those movies thats so bad its funny. Ax'Em is a horror/slasher movie that was supposed to be serious but it ended up like more of a comedy. Ax'Em was directed by Michal Mfume who looks like he hasn't done anything sense.

Ax'Em is about several young people who go to the woods for a vacation. What they don't know is that a killer who came back from the dead is out to get them. Before they go out to the woods there is a little get together in which there is dancing and a 'yo mamma' battle breaks out. I guess Michal Mfume is just filming anything and putting it in the movie. Nothing says good horror movie than a yo mamma battle.

The killer in this movie is a real mess. First the movie is called Ax'Em and the killer doesn't even use an ax. He uses a hatchet, a machete and a baseball bat. Plus the killer poses for the camera.

Ax'Em has many flaws including hearing the director say CUT in one scene, and another scene is shown twice in a row for no reason at all. There are more. Ax'Em is a funny movie thats horribly acted, directed written and acted.

Its a bad horror movie but a good comedy.

I wish the ratings went into negative numbers!

[AuburnGenius · 1/10 · 16 January 2007]

A 1 is way to much credit for this movie! After the first 16 seconds, the best way for this movie to possibly have ended was for each character to simultaneous kill themselves... at least then it would have been over! By far the worst movie of all time, makes Killjoy look like a masterpiece. The only acceptable argument for this not being the worst movie ever is that it's not a movie... just a random grouping of totally unrelated scenes that make no since on there own. Not to mention that every scene is the most annoying scene you'll ever see. Every minute that you watch this movie, you keep telling yourself, "There's no way this could possibly get any worse"... and then it does... every time. The people responsible for this movie should be required by law to never make another movie, under penalty of death... it would make the world a better place ;)

LOL... I saw this in the THEATER, too!

[serialhonesty · 1/10 · 23 August 2013]

I apologize that I really have nothing to add that hasn't already been said. But reading these reviews has me absolutely howling with laughter. When the film editor chimes in to disavow the movie, you KNOW it has to be bad. I went to see this at Westview Cinemas in Baltimore. I wanted to support a local black filmmaker (Michael Mfume) and was familiar with his father's work as a US Congressman.

I was absolutely shocked at how juvenile and moronic this film was. I could go on but other people have been much more witty and hilarious. The film is a complete joke. Mr. Mfume just decided to make a movie and garnered support from anyone who would open the door for him. He got farther than most talentless fools wishing to make a movie because of his name and his father's reputation. Amazingly, he got the film shot, edited and released.

Why has it been picked up for distribution? Simple... it was probably dirt cheap and it was in the can! Simple numbers say that once the movie has already been shot, the investment to recut and release it is minimal. Add a new title and some nice cover art and at least SOMEONE is going to watch it! Instant revenue! Anyway, it truly is terrible. Luckily, Michael Mfume seems to have given up filmmaking. All of the errors noted are completely true. The original movie (titled "The Weekend It Lives") actually has the same scene appearing twice in a row! HOW in the hell does someone miss that?

Awesome

[kizuka1065 · 1/10 · 9 February 2007]

So what do you get when you google one of you co-workers names.... You find out that he was the Editor (George Bolden) of what many seem to think is the worst movie produced of all time. At first when I found Ax 'Em I asked George, a guy I have know for several years, if he was the same George Bolden. He denied it! George is a Local TV/Movie editor in the Baltimore area where this movie was produced, so I knew there was more to the story than he was letting on. After much poking and prodding he admitted to having done the editing on this film. As I have not yet seen the movie, my copy is on order from Amazon for 79 cents, I can not give a full opinion of the movie. But, I do guarantee to give him hell about this for as long as I can... This is one of those stories that is just too good to be true. We intend to plaster his office with all of the very colorful comments on this movie. A bunch of us at work anxiously await the arrival of the movie. We intend to que this one up at work for all to see. On a side note, George said he edited half the movie from VHS tapes because the producer lost the original film... And on top of that, apparently the director stiffed him. George was never paid for this film... but it still has his name one it... Lucky Him.... no wait Lucky Us. Can't stop laughing.

An absolute cinematic masterpiece

[ecjoe · 10/10 · 27 July 2019]

This film is an absolute masterpiece. The sheer amount of quality this movie has is unparalleled. Not even Hitchcock himself could ever dream of creating such a terrifying yet character driven horror movie. The characters with the most development (Breakfast and DJ Slice Em Up Dice Em Up) are completely and utterly fantastic. Absolutely would recommend, mainly as a watch with friends.

Hilarious

[gagnon2-1 · 1/10 · 2 August 2005]

Ax-EM is hilarious. It is so poorly made you will not believe it. This movie has so many mistakes I broke out laughing.Here are some. 1)You can here the director say "CUT" in one scene. 2)One scene is shown twice in a row. 3)The sound is so bad you cant here what people are saying. 4)The opening summery is not spelled right. There are probably many more that I did not see because I was so busy laughing.

Overall Ax-Em is not a horror film. In fact there is not an ax in this movie.(there is a hatchet...yeah...close enough?)This is a total comedy.

If the director makes another film I want to see it.

Go rent it to see how bad/good this is.

(P.S. This is my first review I have written for this website)

Well

[gtha-2 · 1/10 · 20 July 2006]

If watching a film could give you an infected scrotum, I'd have chlymadia like no one's business. It's almost as if the movie God's took a nap as Mfume (whose nickname happens to be a pronunciation guide to his last name) was given a forty dollar camera and the executive decisions.

I've literally seen a four year old snatch his mom's camera and film something outside that has more of a plot than this. I watched it in fast forward after the first scene where there is some dopey step team. Unfortunately, this scene showed the most organization in anything in the entire thing. The opening title has misspellings and is written as if it's a sonnet (I know, WTF?) I hated it. There is a part where the same scene is looped over for no evident reason. A man actually WOBBLES his glasses as the villain (who really just looks like a fattened up Bill Cosby) sneaks up behind him. I laughed, I cried, then I asked myself why we let presumably ANYONE market a film these days.

They tried to "Act Some," but my oh my did they fail

[landmollusk · 1/10 · 15 November 2008]

This is really, really bad. It's fascinatingly bad. Video projects I made in my seventh grade Spanish class had better cinematography than this incomprehensibly, nauseatingly bad "film."

Now, I revel in bad movies. I had long considered "Jan-Gel: The Beast from the East" or its sequel "The Beast Returns" the worst movies ever. But the redeeming thing about those stirring films is that you can hear the dialogue. In Ax'Em there's a constant screeching and the occasional f-word that rises nearly intelligibly from the mass of noise that is like listening to pigs and whales having an argument in an aquarium. When the characters walked into focus about six feet from the camera, I could almost hear what they were saying. Unfortunately these shining moments of dialogue occurred during mundane conversations about whether the characters were still going up to the place in the country that weekend. Then later on, there was another almost audible joke that was very, very long, and very, very not worth the straining of my ears. And that's about it for my understanding about what was said.

And it was offensive! Not just to my intelligence, but to African Americans!At times, it was like an old Betty Boop cartoon or some other cartoon from the '30s. I wish I could articulate my feelings on this aspect of the movie, but my words, just like the words of the characters, fail me.

I just watched it last night, and I can't remember whether I managed to watch it all the way through. I just need to mention in passing a few more highlights: the appearance of the guy with the clapboard (really? A clapboard? That would imply that they shot more than one take), the sudden screeching to the halt of a car that had "run out of gas," the girl tripping twice while standing still, the looping of another girl running through the woods (yes, as soon as she exited the shot, they repeated it), a random character walking through a vacant house shouting "I just want to use your phone!" Mark Wahlberg-ly over and over again to no one, stifled laughter during events of mayhem, et cetera, et cetera.

I do recommend it, though. It's inspirational: You too could make a movie!

Notoriously Bad and Painful to Watch

[Illyngophobia · 1/10 · 16 September 2016]

When people talk about the worst movies ever made, they often mention movies lie Gigli, Plan 9 From Outer Space, and more recent titles like Foodfight! and Kirk Cameron Saving Christimas. However, if you ask horror fans, they might give you a different answer--with this being one of them.

Ax'Em tells the story of a group of friends to go off to a house for a getaway where a series of murders took place years before. While the plot sounds generic, the movie had the potential to change things up and make it stand out--which it did, but for all the wrong reasons.

The acting is really poor; where certain moments and gags are dragged out for far too long and the actors just seeming like they don't know what they're doing. There are some instances of things becoming ridiculously hammy and over-the-top, but whether or not it's intentional is hard to tell.

The visuals and audio are among some of the worst I've ever come across as far as shot on video movies go. For much of the time, it's hard to tell what's going on because the lighting is terrible and it can be a challenge to figure out what's being said sometimes.

If you're looking for a good popcorn flick, turn to something else. If you're into so bad they're good movies, I'd even advise skipping this as well. It's just not worth the time of day.