My Flesh and Blood (2003) User Reviews

Unforgettable Characters in an Amazing Family

[baze · 9/10 · 14 March 2003]

If not for bumping into the filmmaker at another SXSW Film Festival screening, I would have dismissed this as potentially a tear-jerker freak show. The synopsis did not grab me. Mr. Karsh did--he is as passionate as his subject matter.

Don't make the mistake I almost made--see this and prepare to meet some of the most indelibly etched characters life has ever created on screen. HBO/Cinemax has apparently agreed to pick this up for showing in late 2003/early 2004 so you should have a chance to see it there, but I really hope it finds release on DVD.

Karsh creates and incredibly moving portrait of a family like no other, built on the solid foundation of one amazing mother. With an engaging, suspenseful dramatic arc that could not possibly have been scripted, the film shows laughter, fear, anger, rage, love, frustration and difficult resolution. As in any family, there are no easy answers to life's daily challenges. With unique access and a "cast" of dreams, it is an absolutely unforgettable slice of life that should make each of us aware of how much we have for which to be thankful. Part documentary, part cinema verite, it is 100% engaging till the last frame. See it and prepare to meet the Toms.

No better proof that it takes a village...

[jk8n · 9/10 · 3 November 2005]

This film is so painful to watch, but you must. What an indictment of our society and how little we value children. It doesn't take a documentary in a third world country, when there is plenty of horrific child neglect in the richest country in the world. Why should Susan, the heroine of this story, a mother who adopted upwards of 13 significantly sick or disabled children, be such an anomaly? Such a curiosity? Why isn't the system giving her and her children every possible support and resource they need to make their lives livable? I will never be able to shake this story off, nor do I want to. Especially with the epidemic of childhood neuro- and immuno- disorders that have erupted over the last decade or so, thanks to the U.S. pharmaceutical industry and the CDC who cavalierly allowed mercury to be used to prolong the shelf life of the multitude of vaccines our children are required to have from their first hour of life.

Heart-breaking and amazing....

[MarieGabrielle · 9/10 · 24 November 2006]

Susan Tom is a truly amazing person, as are the children in this documentary. Jonathan Karsh is to be commended for directing this documentary.

Each child has been through different medical illnesses and disabilities. We see Joe, who goes through attention seeking behavior, and the social worker who attempts to work with him. Also his biological mother, her issues, and her drug addiction. This is only one story of the many. Anthony with his skin disease; Faith with third degree burns. Xenia, a paraplegic, with an amazing spirit, and lust for life.

Interesting is the scene where Susan's parents visit, and can only stay for a short time, feeling it is too much to take. They note that Susan used to work in a hospital as an R.N., and was always taking care of others. She is truly a blessed person.

It is amazing to see how different people deal with hardship. A film like this forces people to look within, and see their own reactions, analyze how they have treated others. Susan Tom, adoptive mother of these special needs children, is an amazingly strong person who has given these children hope, a home, and love they may never have had. I have never seen such a documentary as this, and hope Jonathan Karsh will produce more of these.9/10.

I can't believe Susan Tom is an exploiter

[cduncan-3 · 10/10 · 15 September 2005]

One previous review named inktastesbitter accused Susan Tom of exploiting the foster-care system and being in it for the money. I can't believe this. There are many, far easier ways to make money than having a 24/7 job caring for special needs kids. We can speculate whether Ms. Tom is, in caring for so many children, trying to fill some unanswered psychological need of hers. But that is surely pointless since the good she is doing seems to me undeniable.

This is a marvelous, provocative film that deserves the widest audience possible. I am a college professor of philosophy. "The human condition" is of course one of the subjects of philosophy; I show this film to my students for all its insights into the joys, challenges, and heartbreaks of the human condition

Comments on movie

[jrd00 · 6 June 2004]

Never have I watched a film that I have felt has seriously changed my outlook on life or made me want to go on-line and write a comment on it like I am now. Director Jonathan Karsh created a wonderful film, but what's more is that it's real. This isn't a Hollywood script; it's the story of a caring lady and her life as a mother (Susan Tom) of 13 adopted children with various mental and physical disabilities. The personalities of the children come alive in the movie. Once it starts, you all ready feel like you've known this family for a long time. It really does make you look at your life and realize that your problems are nothing compared to the problems these kids and Ms. Tom deal with everyday, yet they live their lives full of laughter and love. Very gripping and touching film.

Anthony lost the battle

[cpjt · 10/10 · 28 December 2004]

Anthony lost his battle to cancer. He died last week. The family is very sad, but Anthony was so very, very sick. He is in a better place now and not in so much pain.

The film really does show Anthony's true self. He was a sweet, loving kid who never complained. He had a wicked sense of humor and was stoic about his disease.

There will be a memorial service in Fairfield sometime in January. Susan and the rest of the kids are doing as well as can be expected. Everyone is just so very sad.

As far as the film, I would recommend it to almost anyone, though I think it would be too upsetting for some children. And Susan has lost so much weight since the film was made. Too bad people can't see how great she looks now, and how much more energy she has.

Strong, fascinating documentary

[fertilecelluloid · 8/10 · 25 December 2005]

Effective documentary about a marginalized woman (Susan Tom) who is raising some of the most unfortunate but extraordinary children you will ever encounter. Some are severely burnt (Faith). One has cystic fibrosis (Joe), and a bunch of complex personal problems. Several are limbless. The list goes on. The children are a handful, but Susan's unlimited reserve of strength and compassion is what has given these children meaningful lives.

Susan isn't always depicted beneath her saintly halo. In one scene, she, like any human being, loses her patience with her birth daughter and comes across as harsh. In others, she fights exhaustion. The film is about Susan, but it is also about her charges and their own personal struggles to simply survive. Some of the episodes we're shown are pretty heartbreaking and one boy's struggle to live (Anthony) is so horrible you can only marvel at his tenacity.

The film has a no-nonsense tone and never becomes too tabloid or too much of a freak show (which would have been highly inappropriate under the circumstances). Director Jonathan Karsh sprinkles a little visual poetry on the pictures and employs an occasional voice-over.

Strong stuff. And fascinating.

A great film. Full of power, humor, and heartbreak.

[jmpn022289-1 · 10/10 · 18 May 2006]

Susan Tom is a hero. I don't know of any one who would willingly adopt 11 kids, a majority whom are special needs. The children to the outside world were looked at as different, but this documentary caught their true selves. There's Margaret. A dream daughter. Her life is school and helping her mother and doing it willingly. There's Anthony, who recently passed, a sweet 19 year old boy with EB, who went through a life of pain but seemed full of spirit. There's Joe, who also passed, who had cystic fibrosis who pushed his family away because he loved them too much to get attached if he left. There's Xenia, born without legs but born with happiness and comfort. There's Hannah, who also has no legs but is born to have fun. And there's the adorable Faith who has burn scars all over her face that doesn't mask her intelligence. I forgot the names of the other ones, but are children that anyone would want.

Susan goes through up and downs in her life. From Joe's mood swings and illness, to Anthony's pain and illness, to Faith being teased, to Xenia getting a boyfriend, to Margaret's home and school depression, to Joe's biological mom moving away, then ultimately to Joe passing away from his illness, after her daughter Susie, who also had EB, died years before.

Then at the end, the family gets together and celebrates Anthony's 20th birthday party.

The family goes from bad times but doesn't let that get in the way of the good to come.

From the words of Faith. "Everybody's gotta have faith!" Rest in Peace, Anthony, Susie, and Joe Tom.

Beautiful, evocative, and tragic

[Suzie True · 10/10 · 11 March 2003]

It helps to have such great screen presences. The mother, Susan is a great center for the story and for the audience's benefit. Perhaps with the existing footage shot over the year-and-a-half, there could be a series made out of this. I would like to see more of some of the children who were not featured very much due to reasonable constraints.

Woven in inspiring, dramatic, comedic and tragic scenes, this is a powerful piece of film. And you can't help coming out of it full of hope, sadness, and understanding. This movie is a celebration of life at its physical roughest and as deep a love as imaginable.

I have one thing to say ...

[NathansMomInTexas · 10/10 · 4 May 2005]

... "Wow!" Such a simple three-letter word, but it appropriately sums up what I felt about this documentary. What an inspiring, intriguing and interesting story of Ms. Tom and those precious children. I admire her strength and heart to adopt so many special needs children! I highly recommend this film to people of any age, ethnicity, religion or socio-economic background - especially those who are considering adoption as an avenue to have a child (or children) as new editions to their existing family. If you take the time to watch "My Flesh And Blood," be prepared to ride on a roller coaster of emotions. Take a box of Kleenex with you before you strap yourself in!

Unsettling and moving documentary

[postmanwhoalwaysringstwice · 9/10 · 17 October 2007]

The documentary "My Flesh and Blood" is one of those cases when the phrase life is stranger than fiction might come in handy. That's not quite the right expression, but put another way without the guise of reality the story in this film would be completely unbelievable and insanely melodramatic. It follows exactly one year in the life of a woman in California and her eleven adopted special needs children. This is harrowing and heartbreaking stuff that might be one of the most intense human dramas ever to be shot. One can only wonder why this woman would ask for such challenges in her everyday life. There's no shortage of them, whether due to her verbally abusive sociopath son or the short life expectancy of several of her other children. How much misery and reality can one person sustain? It's hard enough to watch the film without squirming. This is a well-made, highly affecting film that depresses as often as it uplifts. Highly recommended.

just saw this film - SPOILERS

[samsrini · 1 July 2004]

I thought that it was a very important film. I think that it showed that Susan is very open to taking these beautiful children in, and it also showed that she is human and has problems. I think that it was very important of the film makers to put in the scene with her mother and how the grandmother said that she was never good with her children and never told them that she loved them. It also touched that Susan is lonely. I give her so much credit to have taken in these children and hopefully giving them a sense of family. I feel that Margret has been given a very difficult life, and I hope that she is able to be a young woman. Anthony haunted me, what a brave beautiful man that I hope can live without fear of death. I thought that Joe was so full of anger, and fear and it was sad that he went on, but I thought that his biological mother and new father being absent at his funeral was the most tragic of all. The fact that the woman has 8 children and not one lives with her is awful. When they shipped his ashes uninsured it was just telling of the real situation with all these true human beings, the fact that Margret had to do it, was in telling in itself. I just wish each and everyone of them all the best.

Best doc film of the year! Academy Award nomination..

[parkbench78 · 10/10 · 24 November 2003]

I am so glad I agreed to see this; it is so much more than what it appears! This is an amazing film that kept me spellbound from beginning to the very end and is the kind of film that stays with you afterwards. The audience stood up and clapped after it ended, which is pretty remarkable. This is what filmmaking is all about and this is why we go to movies. This should be get an Academy Award nomination. It doesn't get better than this.

Fostering

[mrsrobinson02 · 10/10 · 6 December 2006]

I am a foster mother of special needs children and, trust me, it is no walk in the park. This documentary was suggested to me because of some issues we are having with a foster child right now. It changed the way that I looked at my situation. This mother is the most giving, comforting mom I have seen.

I suggest this movie to anyone, especially if you are fostering. It covers so many topics that we deal with every day such as dealing with social workers, medical issues, attitudes towards children and giving children a normal life style regardless of set-backs for them.

And, to anyone who mentions that she exploits these children, you are crazy. She gave every child the choice to have their story told and the stories you see are the only ones that accepted that. Also, the director reached out to her about this project - not the opposite. Anyone in foster care knows that you do this for the kids, not for the money.

Thank you to everyone who participated in this project. It will never be forgotten.

this is so damn great!

[mindfire-3 · 10/10 · 19 July 2003]

this documentary is so moving and both painful and heartwarming to watch. it shows you both the harshness of being human and what noble spirits humans are capable of having as well. the children in this documentary will move you deeply even if you have a heart of stone. i wish this was out already because i can't wait to see it again. it will remind you of what good there is in people before we get to where we shut each other out completely. if only we were capable of helping each other more.

good

[manderzzXOheartsnickj · 9/10 · 21 May 2006]

This was a great documentary i was flipping around in the "on demand doc." section and i found it checked it out and fell in love with most of the characters . One thing that bothered me though is that they ended with Anthony's birthday then just finished it(i know Susan didn't let them film any longer) also they went through part of it not saying anything then suddenly Susan's face appears on the screen and tells what happened (we could have figured that out on our own thank you) i cried lots but a great film !!!!:) also i would advise any one who is either emotional or cant watch medical shows (due to weak stomach) not to watch this film!!

Triumphant but painful

[Thomas-Musings · 10/10 · 4 January 2021]

Yeah, it has a sense of triumph, but it sure hurt to watch. Bless Susan.

This should be released for the Public to view.

[dennisyoon · 10 June 2004]

You'll fall in love with this family. This amazing cast is one no Hollywood production could match. Sometimes real life is more interesting than any big budget Hollywood blockbuster.

The children are endearing as much as it is heartbreaking to see their hardship. You will cry your eyes out at seeing how much they go through and deal with in life. If you know anyone who feels sorry for themselves they need to see this.

I cannot judge their mother to be in it just for the money since you couldn't give me enough to go through all that she does. I could see the love they had for each other in every frame. It was nice to learn so much about such a family and their unique and often overlooked plight.

If anyone is going to put this on the market reserve me a copy!

Heartfelt

[moonqueen-1 · 9 May 2004]

This incredible documentary brought me back to reality. I just happened to be browsing channels on Mother's Day when I caught a glimpse of Anthony. I called in my daughter, with whom I sat and watched it to the end. Sadly, it didn't go into all the details about all the children, but, it still shows that there are truly noble people, who are willing to help. There are an extraordinary number of persons who have been dealt a bad hand in their lives, unfortunately, many of them are children and hopefully they will come across someone like Susan. Where would these children be if there weren't women like Susan Tom in this world. This woman is a saint. Those of us who have healthy children tend to forget that others are not as fortunate.

I truly look forward to seeing this documentary come out in DVD, and hopefully soon.

A VERY TOUCHING FILM

[faboon77 · 17 May 2004]

I was flipping through channels, trying to find something to watch on cable and I stumbled upon this film. I must have missed the first half hour of it, but I became interested almost immediately. I was deeply touched and impressed by the way susan handles each and every one of her children's individual needs. I must have cried and laughed about a million times throughout the movie because this movie shows every aspect of daily life with her children both happy and sad moments. I am really amazed at how she displays the very god sent talent she has, that she uses in order to make a difference in a child's life. She is truly one amazing woman and I would love to tell her myself if I ever got the chance to do so.

What I would like to know is if there is any way anyone can send greeting cards, gifts etc to the children and to Susan to show them all how much people like us viewers really care and admire them all for doing what they all are doing which is Living and getting through life. I would like to let them know that I am trying to reach out and touch all of their hands and tell them to keep up the great work and you all are in my prayers.

THANKS!! GREAT MOVIE!! SINCERELY ELLIOTT

Heartwrenching

[jon-573 · 10 November 2004]

This excellent documentary showcases the remarkable story of the Tom family. Many of the kids are seriously challenged physically or mentally and others are quite normal and somewhat perplexed at the stresses and strains of living together.

The key is Susan Tom, Mom, who is nothing short of saintly in her commitment to the welfare of her brood and her dedication to their cause.

This is quite the most moving film I have seen in years. The courage shown by her kids in coping with major daily life difficulties is just awesome. It puts our own daily frustrations and challenges into a real perspective compared to the Toms's.

A must see film.

Exploitation of children for profit

[inktastesbitter · 17 May 2004]

Having worked in the fostercare system for several years, I have come across more than one "Ms. Tom" who accumulate disabled children because the states pays a lot more for them than able bodied children. These "mothers" get more and more children for more and more money. The adoptive mothers ability to truly care for these children is impeded by the fact that there are so many of them. Even if the mothers are able to fake concern over the children's plight, they are always comforted by the fact that the children are replaceable -- there's always another sad case in the foster care system. From my point of view, this was a haunting documentary of medical warehousing for children -- their medical needs were taken care of while their emotional needs were ignored or shunted to other hired caregivers.

It is unfortunate that the financial reality was not addressed in this picture. This woman is not a saint. And this family is plagued by her indifference to the true feelings of the children.

But I recommend the movie. So sad. And so real about how disabled children are treated.

WARNING: This is not the DeBolts

[Chrissie · 17 January 2011]

I was on NetFlix and clicked on "My Flesh and Blood", expecting another uplifting story like "Who Are the DeBolts and Where Did They Get 19 Kids?" This is most assuredly not the DeBolts.

Susan Tom is a lonely woman who seeks to fill the emptiness inside her with needy children. And while she's an apt physical caregiver, and seems able to provide a loving home for most of the children, two of them wind up utterly lost: Martha, upon whose slender shoulders Susan piles enormous burdens, and Joe, who struggles to find someplace in the world where he belongs.

Martha, old beyond her 18 years, cries out to her mother for some understanding and is shut up even as she melts down. Joe, who for most of the film had been lashing out in impotent rage at everybody around him, took a quiet moment to express concern for his sister. Rather than nurture this attempt to connect, Susan shut him up. And he shut down. My prayers for Joe throughout the film proved to have come too late as he finally gave up and died, leaving Martha bereft of perhaps the only person in her life who could have understood her profound loneliness.

I still pray for Martha, who may yet find a place in the world where there's room for her. All I can do for Joe is cry.

If Only Everyone Knew The Truth

[gotkern · 22 September 2023]

Susan Tom is not the saint that is portrayed. She took full advantage of Margaret's mental health issues, when all Margaret begged for was her love and acceptance. To this very day Margaret still feels she owes Susan her life. Susan has never told Margaret to take a break, go enjoy your own beautiful family, etc. I hate to inform you all that every single one of those girls are no longer in the house that was built for them. Just Margaret and Susan. They were bullied, mentally, and some physically abused. All of their cries for help went unanswered. They were either forced out, or made so uncomfortable that they ended up leaving on terrible terms. Susan is a very controlling, manipulative person. Unfortunately Margaret looked up to her so much that she is the same way, maybe even worse 😔 I really wish those girls were adopted by someone capable of giving them more than what they came with(A Check). Margaret has nobody now because she has ran everyone that cared about her out of her life including me. I didn't watch this documentary when it first came out do to motion sickness. After noticing things about Margaret that caused some concern, I decided to try and watch it. I cried the entire time. It was like I was watching someone that I love getting taken full advantage of and crying out for help and nobody was doing anything about it. If you guys knew what those girls and boys actually went through, it would truly crush your hearts. There are so many things that were covered up. Including what really happened to Anthony the night before he passed. I will end this by saying if there was ever a family that needed a follow up on how they are doing now, this is the family. You could sit all the girls in separate rooms and they would tell you the same heartbreaking truth about how they were really "Treated". I wish I would've known sooner what was really going on. I feel kinda responsible for not stepping in sooner😔 Please check on this family. This film is literally evidence of what Margaret went through and is currently going through. Hope everyone has a blessed day.