Aquanoids (2003) User Reviews

Stupid title; crap film.

[BA_Harrison · 1/10 · 21 January 2008]

My colleagues at work often question my taste in film: they cannot understand why I waste my time championing low budget horror when I could be watching the latest blockbuster to wow the masses at the local multiplex. After watching Aquanoids, I'm beginning to wonder why I bother myself.

Set on a small island off the Californian coast, Aquanoids stars Laura Nativo as Vanessa, a beautiful diver who, after being attacked by a hideous fish-man, attempts to warn the locals of the danger that lurks in the surrounding waters. This upsets the nasty officials of the island, who are afraid that Vanessa will scare away tourists and upset plans for the building of a shopping complex.

A shoddy mish-mash of themes and ideas stolen from the likes of Jaws, Humanoids From The Deep, and The Creature From The Black Lagoon, Aquanoids is absolutely awful in almost every way imaginable: the direction is clumsy and amateurish; the script is childish, poorly written, and highly unoriginal; the editing shows no hint of restraint, utilising every gimmicky fade, wipe and split-screen effect possible; the monster make-up and gore is cheap and laughable; the special effects are unconvincing; and the acting is uniformly awful. Even some welcome female nudity cannot stop this one from being a total waste of time.

Whilst watching this lamentable mess, I noticed that one character had the surname McClure, whilst another was named Bruce—possible references to actor Doug McClure (from Humanoids From The Deep) and Bruce the Shark (from Jaws). There is also a scene where several characters discuss their favourite watery monster movies, mentioning Deep Star Six, Leviathan, Tentacles, Alligator 2 and Roger Corman in the process. This leads me to believe that the makers of Aquanoids are genuine fans of horror and B-movies. If this is the case, then those involved should hang their heads in shame for giving us this abysmal addition to the genre.

Z-grade isn't the word

[Leofwine_draca · 2/10 · 8 July 2015]

I'm a pretty big fan of the 'underwater monster' B-movie. CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON is the granddaddy of course, and JAWS the milestone against which all over movies have been judged/attempted to rip off over the past thirty-plus years. AQUANOIDS is somewhere between the two plot-wise, as humanoid-type creatures kill surfers and bathers at a beach, but there the resemblance ends. This is no-budget filmmaking at its very worst, utterly devoid of talent and interest and only worth watching to see how worthless it really is. The hardest thing to like about this film is the camera, which looks little better than your average home video; the shot on video format works against it, lessening the experience against other, better B-movies of the past.

A number of those films are referenced by characters in one SCREAM-like post-modern conversation, giving away the fact that the filmmakers are fans of this sub-genre. It's a shame they couldn't do anything with the tired script and awful execution. The creatures are barely seen, and boast rubbishy PREDATOR-style vision; the attacks involve laughable gore effects and one rip-off "monster birth" sequence. The jokes are flat and the acting awful, and brief nudity does nothing to keep you watching. The film's so cheap that even the guns rarely fire and explosions are effected via some lame CGI work. As the leading bimbo, Laura Nativo is attractive enough, and strangely resilient to the perils of the poor script, but she can't save this wishy-washy monster flick from being a total disaster.

See Sleestak Swimming and fishing for fresh blood !

[guestar57 · 3/10 · 25 November 2006]

AQUANOIDS with Eric Spudic www.ericspudic.com "Killers Of The Sci-Fi Sea, With gore & more…That's a good movie."Lara Nativo is a really nice Scream Queen©.There is a lot of footage of Catalina Island,Kind of a travelogue for Gorehounds.There is some political stuff because of the tourism problem with so many deaths,Didn't we learn from the JAWS movie that danger BRINGS tourists.The AQUANOIDS(monsters) look like the Sleestak from TVland's LAND OF THE LOST.I liked the movie.Great fight scene between man and woman.The casting seems from a Soap Opera employment agency.Some of the acting seemed forced and other times roles could have been themselves.

Awful

[zorro2a · 22 October 2004]

Well l always thought that "Plan 9 From Outer Space" was the worst film ever made but compared to "Aquanoids" it's an epic.

"Aquanoids" is truly awful, the acting is wooden, the lines were spoken with long pauses between, even the special effects (what effects) were pretty bad, and when you think that the aquanoid himself was played by the cameraman thats says it all...it must have cost someone some money but l bet they don't get it back...a good tax loss.

I usually like independent films but this was something else...l don't know what, but it was something else.....urgh!!!

l'm not even giving it a mark.

awful film but i love it

[conorcrab · 2/10 · 2 February 2009]

Now, i have been watching B-movie horrors for sometime now and this film is by far the worst one i have ever watched but also the best. If your looking for good script, acting, story etc. then avoid this film like the plague however if you are looking for a cheap laughter filled night in with the lads, this is the one for you. With no where near believable characters and a largely endowed femme fa tale you know your in for at least some cheap laughs and nudity. The script while trying to be serious is just awful, thats all that can be said....awful, just bloody awful.The script is devoid of interesting plot turns and any real creativity, if you gave a monkey a type writer the script for aquanoids would quickly churn out.

I do however have a place in my heart for this film, even though the script was downright terrible, some moments in this film are just a must to commit to memory and are undeniably funny. The camera quality too adds to the hilarity, as a good friend whom i watched this with described its quality very well as "porno Cam".

to conclude, if you see this in a bargain bin, buy it just to see what I'm talking about but if you are not someone in persuasion of B-movie horror you best look somewhere else.

Excellent example of how not to make films

[neil-476 · 2/10 · 9 August 2010]

Jaws was a great movie. Creature From The Black Lagoon wasn't a bad movie. There is no reason why their offspring should be a bad movie. And yet it is. Very bad.

OK, so someone lends you a videocamera, gives you fortyseven quid, and suggests you should go and make a film. Here are the lessons you can learn from Aquanoids:

1. Start by writing a script where the dialogue is believable (eg. don't have your character saying "It's the missing surfer!" - we KNOW it's the missing surfer).

2. Cast actors who can act, even if only a little bit.

3. Find an editor who can edit and a director who can direct (see the sequence where the two girls go to the marina on scooters and then head out on the jetski for a masterclass in how not to do either).

4. Steer clear of gratuitous video effects - what worked in Predator won't work if you can't afford to do it properly;

5. Avoid synthesiser music.

6. Don't make a sequel when no-one ever made the original.

7. Don't call your movie "Aquanoids" if there's only one Aquanoid.

But I do award a point over the baseline minimum for a) the sheer gall of starting off with an appalling day-for-night cross between From Here To Eternity's rolling in the surf sequence and the Jaws opening sequence, and b) gratuitous boobage.

This was in the cheapo cheapo DVD bin. I wuz robbed.

Crap! Crap! Crap! Crap!

[lordzedd-3 · 1/10 · 10 June 2006]

Okay aside the video was pretty bad a number of other things is way wrong with this undersea Turkey. One, it's a complete rip off of other sea going monster movies, the creature design is almost total rip off of WAR-LORDS FROM THE DEEP, the basic premise is a rip of CREATURE OF THE BLACK LAGOON and near the end the creature changes his pattern and rapes the Mayor's daughter, that's HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP. Another thing that made no sense is why? Why did the Aquanoids stop for 16 years? Another thing is the Mayor, a corrupt Mayor wouldn't be running around shooting people, that's what Thugs are for. Plus, they kill the Aquanoids and the Mayor tries to kill them anyway, HELLO! The evidence went boom into a billion pieces, there was no need for that. Plus when the Deputy kills the Mayor saving Venessa's life, he's arrested. He's a deputy, the Mayor had a gun, he had the right to do it. This is just stupid and a waste of time! Don't bother, I give it the NOOSE!

Awful-noids

[Gnesis13 · 2/10 · 13 July 2006]

First of all, let us examine the title. If a humanoid is "like a human" then is an aquanoid "like.....water?" Hmmm....

Anyway, this movie is so bad it will give you a headache. Not even kidding, the aspect ratio of the film is bad, so the screen contorts not only the video, but also your retina. And the acid-flashback you go on every time they show the aforementioned water-like creature doesn't help either. While it provides minor nudity, and some violence (like a man who stands helpless as his balls are crushed to a bloody pulp by a girl, a feeling you will share at the end of the movie) we only recommend this in cases of extreme desperation.

Here we go...

[Hellraiserdisciple · 4/10 · 6 January 2011]

After watching Aquanoids I told myself that if I was going to see this one again it would be solely for the purpose of reviewing it. Seeing as how I'm writing this it means I have indeed done such a thing.

As Aquanoids opens you spend a couple of minutes taking in the fact that this truly IS a low-budget film. REALLY low-budget. It's an amateur film. They open with an aquanoid attack in 1987 then jump 16 years in time. We later learn that 17 people were killed during that summer. Our heroine, looking like a bustier, less talented Eliza Dushku, is still mourning the loss of her mother that summer. She knows an aquanoid when she sees one and starts her crusade to close the beaches and stop the ferocious aquanoids. Vanessa says the aquanoidS are back, but we don't really see more than one at the time. The aquanoid costume probably represented one of the bigger posts on the meager budget. We should respect that. The mayor of course doesn't want the threat to leak out and takes a few precautionary measures. We also have some inquisitive reporters that don't really add much to anything. It's influence from superior films like, Jaws, Humanoids from the Deep and others are obvious. They even mention several of its predecessors. At least that shows the movie is self conscious. Not that it helps much, but a little.

So just what's the deal with Aquanoids? Well, there are plenty of things to notice and reflect upon when watching it. Laurence Hobbs playing Jackson is one of the great things about this movie. Seeing his costume, a pair of pants and a grey t-shirt I can't help but wonder if that was what Hobbs put on when getting up that morning. Just put on whatever you have. His acting style is relentless! Jackson is utterly hilarious when exclaiming: "I can't believe it got into Lovers Cove!" Like that is something unbelievable. Was that a fact so terrible your mind simply refused to comprehend it? Jackson also witnessed one of the aquanoid attacks back in 87. He just happened to be standing at the beach with binoculars… at night. But, hey, so was I! Another wonderful scene is when Vanessa's friend at one point asks her for an opinion on something. She's made an impressive sign on the computer reading: DANGEROUS WATERS! ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK! Vanessa says: "I think that will work!". That is truly brilliant stuff! The evil mayor and father-of-the-year award winner at one point tell his daughter: "Now look, I don't want any alcohol at the party. We don't want to pump your stomach again!" He's playing the role of the concerned parent. While being evil! In all fairness he does singlehandedly represent all the acting credibility in the movie. Trying to earn it a higher rating we get a half-assed gory autopsy. I think we've seen enough scenes in other movies with an iron-stomach pathologist who eats while doing his thing. Do something else. At the end Vanessa learns that Jackson is in fact her father. She is shocked and I am shocked that she was shocked. We were both shocked. What shocked and disappointed me even more was her inability to get topless. I expected that from a title like Aquanoids. Others do though, in very random fashion.

The technical aspects are quite, shall we say puritan? Whenever we have some underwater shots you can't help but think it's a pity the BBC wildlife photographer must have slept late that day. They make a daring attempt at split-screen. They even dazzle us with three different images at the same time! The scene itself isn't half-bad, with a somewhat dynamic car chase. A couple of times I could see their attempt to create a certain something in tone and even though the execution for the most part didn't work, it felt sincere.

Bottom line is that YOU could probably make this film. It's quite possible to do. Just use whatever you have and improvise the rest. Aquanoids is by no means good, or particularly competent, but I'm still happy someone put an effort into making a horror movie, even if it was a pretty bad one.

Pretty decent for an Indie flick

[igor-86 · 5/10 · 10 July 2003]

I think this movie was well done, keeping in mind this is a Indie/ B-type movie. The acting was pretty good for the most part, and there was some gore. The nudity was thrown in for good measure I believe, but all in all it was a decent creature flick. If you like b-movies, creature flicks and Indie films, I suggest giving this movie a watch.

Rather abysmal movie...

[paul_haakonsen · 2/10 · 3 May 2024]

Right, well from the very beginning of the movie, with the intro and the insanely lousy and semi-unreadable text that introduced the actors and actresses to the poorly made logo of the movie's title, then it was very clear that "Aquanoids" was going to be a low budget creature feature.

Actually, I will say that writers Mark J. Gordon and Eric Spudic didn't exactly put together an all bad script here, there were parts of the narrative that had potential, and the odd interesting bit here and there. However, it was ruined by a poor and amateurish execution from script to screen by director Reinhart 'Rayteam' Peschke and some very lousy acting performances from the cast ensemble.

I loved the fact that the woman being chased by the aquanoid while she was snorkeling and frantically swimming to a jet ski, but she still found the time to stop up and put on a life jacket before speeding off on the jet ski. But there was a deadly Aquanoid right on her tail in the water when she was swimming. It made no sense that someone fleeing for their life stops up to put on a life jacket.

The acting performances in "Aquanoid" were shoddy and questionable to say the least. Needless to say that I wasn't familiar with a single actor or actress on the cast list, and I can't claim that I was impressed with what I witnessed on the screen.

Visually then you're not in for anything grand, should you opt to sit down and waste 78 minutes on watching "Aquanoids".

This is definitely not a movie that I would recommend you to sit down and watch, nor waste your time, money or effort on. Some of us suffered through this 2003 movie so you don't have to; you're very welcome.

My rating of "Aquanoids" lands on a very generous two out of ten stars.

A lot of fun with plenty of great points about it

[kannibalcorpsegrinder · 8/10 · 4 October 2021]

During the Fourth of July celebration, a woman's warnings that a swarm of deadly creatures called Aquanoids has returned to the harbor although no one takes her seriously, but when she and her friends start to notice that others are disappearing they decide to stop the creatures once and for all.

There's a lot to this one that really helps it out. Among the film's better features is the highly cheesy and generally goofy setup that really has a lot to offer for those who happen to love that kind of film. The frequent action here of the creatures arriving out of the water grabbing their victims out of the water and dragging them under results in plenty of fun encounters, mainly the opening attack on the divers, a fisherman getting pulled in from his boat, the corrupt officer getting attacked while attacking her. There's a lot more gore in this than expected, and the kills in here are quite bloody with a harpoon through the throat, having a face scratched and clawed, a neck bitten out, massive scratches across the back, feet, arms, hands, and a leg ripped off and gunshot wounds, with much more in here. One of the cheesiest scenes in the film provides some great gore as well, as there's a sequence where the creatures are birthed through a victim all done in close-up, and it rips the stomach open in great detail. The creatures themselves are rather cool looking, looking like a human with more aquatic-friendly facial features, sharp claws, and fangs, and much more streamlined, fish-like bodily features looking like appropriate throwback cheesy creatures in this kind of film. The films' other real positive is the fact that it's a glorious tribute to the films of the past. That means it carries numerous and very obvious throwaways gags, scenarios, or setpieces that are going to be commonly associated with the genre and spotted by viewers quite easily. From the old-school manner in which it plays out the stereotypes from the past, the corrupt mayor who wants to sweep the incident under the rug during a major holiday celebration, and the lengths everyone goes to in order to cover up the incidents focus on the use of stereotypes and tropes usually seen here and feel that much more old-school. The way it keeps trying to hide the creatures' existence with the faulty autopsies, or the quest to silence the group in a needlessly convoluted assassination plot between the corrupt authorities trying to kill off the group to prevent them from talking more about the creatures which have some decent action thrown in. The last part to this is the really nice amount of nudity which is enough to be appropriate without being sleazy and really makes a nice addition to the film. These here are the film's best parts. This one here doesn't have much wrong with it. The fact that it's too short is something to get over and is its biggest flaw. There's really not a whole lot that can't be done for this to spread the length out, but it really doesn't seem like it should be just barely an hour and change which it does. Even giving a little back-history on the creature's origins or where they came from alone is something which could've spread out the running time a little bit by including more about the town's history and connection to the creatures from that first attack that supposedly feels like common knowledge in the area, and fixed the film's minor flaws all at once. Since the opening attack is mentioned several times but nothing is really told further the existence of the creatures and how they're as common knowledge as they are There's also the film's aforementioned rather high cheese quotient, which has a couple of problems on its own in that it's not for everyone and is capable of delivering some real groan-inducing moments from it. It's not detrimental to the film, but it is there and does have some problems to it, though it's not all that bad.

Rated R: Graphic Violence, Nudity, Graphic Language, and a mild sex scene.

Good old fashioned drive-in fun

[hocfocprod · 6/10 · 30 June 2007]

OK, it's obvious the budget on this movie wasn't huge...or big...or enough even, but I'm a sucker for rubber-suit monster flicks and Aquanoids delivers. It's shot well and the sound is clean most of the time. Some things don't make much sense, but it's about sea monsters, so leave your disbelief at the door, make some popcorn and give the DVD a spin.

If you think the old Doctor Who episodes are too schlocky looking, or the monsters in Space 1999 ruin the plot line, then this movie probably isn't for you.

If you want some gore, nudity, an above average for this type of movie plot and a cool looking monster than you'll probably enjoy Aquanoids. I'm not saying to run out and buy it, but it certainly worth an online rental for monster fans.

Aquanaut out of ten

[sebpopcorn · 26 March 2009]

This movie is terrible from start to finish. The plot is like something written by an 8 year old kid who has just watched Jaws and the acting is similar to the quality you get when a relative realises you are videoing them at a wedding and tries to be say something funny in the general direction of the camera. This film is so cheap and pitiful I can't even bring myself to give it one out of ten. Even if you're a fan of really bad movies you probably won't be able to wring any fun out of this film because it's beyond parody.

I still can't believe the vague marine expert rides around on a scooter. Did nobody involved in the movie have a car she could have used for half an hour?

Cinema gold

[willywants · 10/10 · 14 February 2005]

This little gem opens in 1987, where two people are killed and dragged off-screen by an aquanoid. Cut to around 2003-ish, where we meet are heroin Vanessa, daughter of one of said killed persons from 1987, who's convinced aquanoids are still out there.

Of course a new rash of killings begin, but its tourist season and two goofy-looking old guys decide not to let panic spread, so they decide to silence Vanessa. Of course, their plan fails.

In the mean time, there's a ghastly mortician who likes to dissect things (While eating his lunch) who confirms that the mutilated bodies are indeed the work of an aquanoid. The two goofy-looking old guys cover it up by saying it was the work of a boating accident (We know this because one of the said goofy-looking old guys goes up to the mortician and says to his face; "BOATING ACCIDENT!").

Vanessa and friends try to warn people of the imminent threat, but everyone thinks she's a nut job and completely ignores her warnings.

Any ways, a group of kids go off and get killed, one gets impregnated and later in the mortician's office gives birth (Apparently in addition to having a mortician's license, he's also qualified to deliver a baby) to a monster that looks like a cross between the Fiji Mermaid and a carrot.

The fiji-carrot thing gets dispatched of and the mortician is forced at gunpoint to tell a police officer what the hell's going on. Mortician tells him all, gets knocked out, police officer leaves, enter the two goofy-looking old guys. The girl who gave birth to the aquanoid is the daughter of one of the said goofy old guys, he's naturally disgruntled and the ghastly mortician once again gets interrogated at gunpoint. This time the mortician introduces the deceased baby fiji-carrot to them, saying; "Meet your new grandson!!!".

Mortician gets dispatched of via bullet to the brain, the two goofy old guys leave and have a shoot out with a cop (During an incredibly exciting split-screen action scene). One of said goofy old guys is killed, as is the police officer, leaving one goofy old guy to stop Vanessa.

Vanessa and friends go to the beach to kill the aquanoid (Apperantly there's only one), armed with all sorts of illegal weapons, go diving for said aquanoid, think they have it trapped and try to blow it up, resulting in an impressive CG explosion. Well, it's not dead, almost kills one of the said friends-of-Vanessa, gets blown up again, this time for good.

HOWEVER, the one remaining goofy old guy is still out to get Vanessa, tries to shoot her with a sniper rifle, but gets dispatched of via harpoon-to-the-face by a police officer.

The end.

Wow. I thought I'd seen it all, until I saw Aquanoids. Everything about this film is top-notch, from the polished cinematography to the stunning camera work to the grade-A performances. The scene where Vanessa's friend admits he's her father was incredibly touching and powerful. It's a scene that will go down in film history for sure. The special effects were simply stunning. The cmaera work, well, is the most visually impressive I've ever seen, frankly.

The screenplay is intelligent and thought-provoking and the direction is both awe-inspiring and mesmerizing. A great movie, and if you liked this I also recommend films like "Rodentz", "Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys" and "The Creeping Terror", which are also flawlessly excellent cinematic masterpieces.

This film has truly changed my life, it's the most thought-provoking and emotionally devastating epic of the last century. It made me rethink my life, question who I am and what is real, and it will do the same for you.

10/10

Aquanoids my review.

[jeffreyc-32567 · 6/10 · 4 October 2019]

OK horror lovers aquanoids a cheesy camp monster film 📼. Lots of low ratings I can understand, but to me I found it quite funny. A lot of gore and lots more but not a bore, all what I adore. Hope they didn't kill all the monsters cos they need to keep some back for part two. That is assuming the film 📼 makers do A follow up. I gave a good score because it ticked all the right boxes jacey out tat ta.

Cool "sea creature" flick!

[superslasher · 10 July 2003]

Aquanoids goes where low budget horror films are too scared to...underwater. Set on Catalina Island off the coast of California, this 'tight' little film delivers a healthy dose of blood, babes, a cool 'retro' beast, a rockin story and best of all...a fun ride. Long live the Drive-In Movie!

The trouble with so many of the horror films coming out of the indy world is that they take themselves too seriously. Aquanoids never does that. Director Ray Peschke is ever aware when dancing the line between B movie fun and cheesy schlock.

If you like a good 'sea creature' flick, you might want to add this film to your 'classics' list along with "Creature From The Black Lagoon," "Piranha," and "Humanoids From The Deep."