Coronado (2003) Poster

(2003)

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5/10
So Silly That Becomes Funny
claudio_carvalho24 October 2005
Claire Winslow (Kristin Dattilo) finds that her fiancé has just traveled to Switzerland, but forgot some important documents at home. She decides to take the documents, follow and spend Christmas with him. Once in Switzerland, she realizes that he has indeed traveled to Coronado, a country in Central America. She travels to Coronado and gets involved with a revolution.

I saw "Coronado" this weekend and this movie is so silly that becomes funny. The absurd story is supported by the unknown Kristin Dattilo, who has a great performance: she is very beautiful, athletic and funny. The special effects are great, and the surprising conclusion is hilarious. In the end, it was a worthwhile forgettable entertainment recommended for killing time .My vote is five.

Title (Brazil): "Coronado"
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4/10
The Librarian
peanutsticks1 October 2010
I'd compare this film to the made-for-TV movies by TNT titled, "The Librarian" (Quest for the Spear, etc). Like that series this movie contains:

  • Relatively unknown actors; often nonsensical plot twists; cheesy dialogue; and out-of-place, over-the-top special effects.


Yet somehow, like the Librarian TV-movies, it had enough entertainment value to keep me sticking around to see it to its end. Granted I have no plans to ever watch it again, but to see a movie of this budget produce the effects it did made me glad I watched it.

If you are expecting blockbuster quality steer clear you will be very disappointed, but if you can accept it as more of a campy made-for-TV type movie and understand it only cost 5$M give it a peek.. you might just be impressed too.
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5/10
Mindless CGI
NIXFLIX-DOT-COM11 December 2003
CORONADO certainly manages some visually remarkable special effects with what must have been a modest budget, but perhaps it's all for naught. The entire movie is one big special effects reel, without a coherent story or much of a story, in fact, to string it together. Things take place in the film's 80-minutes that have no rhyme or logic to them. They're all in service of the next special effects scene that will, usually, showcase a CGI aircraft of one sort or another. The entire film, actually, should just be a bunch of CGI tanks and CGI helicopters flying around shooting at each other. Which is a shame, because the acting is actually quite good. Unfortunately the script is nonexistent and you've seen better versions of this in the INDIANA JONES movies and ROMANCING THE STONE.

Mindless CGI is nice to look at. But I'd much rather have a movie with coherent plotting and storylines instead.

5 out of 10
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1/10
just for children
ggurman229 January 2004
If you are 10 years old and never seen a movie before, maybe this film may be entertainment for you, but if you've seen several movies, this one will be a silly fully-cliched cheap and predictable for you. Don't waste your time with this.
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2/10
Almost as bad as it can get
dromasca15 May 2004
This is the kind of film that I am wondering why anybody would have considered doing it from the beginning. This is the kind of movie that I cannot understand how people put money in it, how the rental store can put the DVD on its shelves. This is the kind of movie I blame myself for having rented it.

There are good class-B movies, and I do not reject the genre. When they are good, they catch the interest with the action, they have characters written well enough, and acted well enough so that you can care about them. The effects in some of these movies support the film in many cases, and you may like them for the originality. Almost nothing is true in 'Coronado'. The subject and the script is at the level of cheap comics - just a cliche. The effects are cheap - and I do not care that the film is low budget - you can do a lot with low budget, but you need some talent. There are so many continuity and other directing errors as in ten other films. You do not care for the characters, you do not laugh, and at the end of the film you are left wondering if the parody was intentional or not. The only quality I could find is the scenery, there are some good locations, worth a much better film.

2/10 on my personal scale. The worst film of the year so far.
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1/10
I wish the movie was as good as the poster looked
charlietruffles22 October 2003
I went to see this film over Matchstick Men, in fact buying the tickets to Matchstick Men and going to the other, because it looked like a fun movie with action, romance, thrills, jungles, and exotic locations. They had all that but so do a lot of movies with a conception of story.

All I can say is WHY WHY WHY WHY did they not just make it a straight narrative instead of some sappy flashback story.

Here is all the movies from what I've seen the film was derived from: Of course, Indiana Jones and Romancing the Stone, but also True Lies, Proof of Life, that old 80s Tom Selleck movie, Bananas (Woody Allen), and Hero (from the use of digital extras).

PS the only scene in the movie that was cool is when the central character finds her room blown up.
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1/10
Someone should report this movie to Amnesty International...
paha_kuukkeli29 October 2003
Have you seen all the big adventures of last few decades? If you have don't bother with this one as you've already seen most of the scenes already - and I can guarantee that those scenes were originally in much better movies.

The story (I'm sure that true storytellers will never forgive me) is childish and stupid (stupid in a way that making it play in a mortuary would result in a bunch of angry walking dead). Every character is based in a cliché and... well, they're nothing but the cliché. And yes, again all you need to be a hero is to be American.

At least in Finland they advertised this to be the kind of movie the DVD was made for. Maybe I should sell my player then...

1/10
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a CGI showcase, and a bad one at that
goosefws12 September 2004
I feel compelled to write a review as I think that 'Coronado' represents everything that is wrong with cinema today: form over content. While viewers are forewarned that CGI will be omnipresent ('by the visual effects supervisors of Independence Day' proclaims the poster), I think that there should have been a warning at the beginning of the movie: "This is a movie to showcase our digital art, so please do not try to follow the plot, as we have made it mind numbingly dumb on purpose". With this warning, I would not have spent the entire 1.5 hour shaking my head in disbelief and trying to fathom how anybody in their right mind would agree to finance such a project.

The movie is an endless string of clichés, bad lines, and unbearable Hollywood-only situations. It is an insult to viewer's intelligence, and I can only hope that the 'creators' realized that they have failed to entertain us, if that was their goal. It is not worth watching, by any standard.
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2/10
Well, this sucks!!!
udeaasykle6 March 2004
Another awful movie from Hollywood. This time a female helps the revolution in a central American country. yeah yeah yeah. Hey lets make a movie without any sense of realism AT ALL. I am so sick of movies like this one. The actors and actresses are lousy, the effects are cheesy and the dialog horrible. And suddenly i see John Rhys-Davies as the evil president. From Gimli to Hugo Louis Ramos. I bet he is very proud of this. Well i shouldn't have expected much of this movie and i didn't. And i am glad cause this sucks bigtime. I wonder what kind of people who like this movie. My guess is younger people aged 12-16. And i guess some people like because of Kristin Dattilo. Well i am in neither of those group and i hate it. Rating: 2
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6/10
See it for Kristin Datillo. Oh, and the effects. That's about it.
sarastro712 January 2004
The Coronado DVD was for sale very cheaply in one of the Danish department store chains, so I bought it. I have to say I'm pretty happy with it.

For one thing - the main thing, actually -, it stars Kristin Datillo. I haven't seen the Chris Isaak Show that has apparently made her something of a household name, but I saw her on Hull High, a 1990 TV series, and never forgot about her. I didn't even know what her name was until I got this DVD, so that was a very positive surprise. She's fabulous. Very strong on both looks and personality. And she fits this movie incredibly well, because there is a red thread of subtle self-irony that goes all the way through this movie, and Datillo has the same sort of attitude, while at the same time being a serious and convincing actress and giving a very cool performance.

The extra material on the DVD clarifies how incredibly far the producers stretched the budget, getting a grand, epic and expensive-looking movie out of a meager budget, a lot of well-done computer and miniature prop effects, and a cheap on-location shoot in Mexico ($30 to have a train speeding by: they bought the train drivers lunch!). Very impressive! Considering how difficult it is for the actors to pretend that they're in completely different situations than they really are, the performances given must be said to be all-round excellent.

The movie itself, storywise, isn't much. For a long time, there is *no plot* other than Datillo's character running around looking for her fiancé. As they get embroiled in a central-American revolution (with both sides getting weapons supplied by the U.S.), the plot picks up somewhat, but remains an excuse for the SFX. Technically, it's an interesting package, but the story really is quite weak. It is saved by Datillo's charisma and the genuinely suspenseful and impressive-looking action scenes. It ends on a kind of critical note in terms of U.S. foreign policy, as the rebels are abandoned by their U.S. weapons dealers (who decide to back the other side), but manage to seize power anyway, thus bringing a more democratic government to the country instead of a U.S. controlled puppet government.

All in all, this movie is (and was most likely made as) a study of just how impressive a special-effects spectacular can be created from a very small budget ($4.7 million), and as such it is quite successful. The DVD cover even claims that it looks like a $100 million movie, which in fact is almost true.

6 out of 10.
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1/10
Don't waste your time
rupand30 June 2005
This movie is just as bad as it gets. If you like logic (or the lack of it) á la National Treasure and bad acting as well, then it could be a movie for you.

Otherwise spend your time in the sun and your money on a beer.

Actually it looks like a bad produced promo or demo picture to promote the people involved (ie. actors, special effects and so on). Accidentially they produce really bad exposing of their lack of talent.

In a case like this the film company should be ordered to pay back money to the costumers that are not satisfied with the product.

It is really lousy.
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8/10
Excellent Movie to just enjoy
bosranch18 July 2005
Coronado is a movie that has a very good balance of adventure, humor, and action. Actors I have not seen before were impressive in their roles, unlike the plastic Hollywood Shakespeareans demanding their closeups. The lead heroine, Kristin Dattilo, played an excellent role throughout the movie in both comedy barbs and more serious portrayals. I would like to see more of her work in the future as her talent in Coronado was the catalyst in making a fair script into an entertaining movie most arm-chair warriors relish. If you enjoy special effects as I do in adventure movies you are in for a treat. From a perilous bridge crossing to a remodeling of the Presidential Palace, special effects was formidable indeed. Watch the movie and enjoy the fun.
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6/10
An adventure video which pays homage to numerous predecessors.
stetson975010 July 2005
A good action adventure yarn which pays homage to many predecessors including "Sorcerer", "Romancing the Stone", and the Indiana Jones trilogy.

What is even better though are the special features on the CD which explain and show how such a low budget film ($4.7 million) was able to be created using a number of camera and cg tricks. The best... the bridge scene. While this video uses a number of partially computer generated scenes, these are very seamless to the viewer, who is left to enjoy a predictable, but exciting story. What I really enjoyed was what they used in many shots instead of a regular jeep.
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1/10
Straight to the bottom
mikko-sandt15 July 2005
So we're supposed to find it funny that this woman travels all the way to the jungle - to the warzone - just to find out why her fiancée didn't travel to Switzerland? Or are we supposed to take it seriously? It's not even remotely funny, clever or entertaining - it's stupid - and so is the movie. The lead actress is one of the most annoying characters I have ever seen in a movie - even worse than Jar-Jar Binks. Dialog tries very hard to be funny (almost all the time) but it never is. The number of funny jokes is somewhere between zero and nothing. And as for the plot - did they even once bothered to explain to us what are the rebels fighting for (other than being anti-government)? I guess that didn't matter to anyone - neither to the rebels nor to the characters who just blindly flew to the battlefield. Don't waste your time. "Coronado" is neither funny nor entertaining.
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So extremely sucky!
EijnarAmadeus2 July 2004
Warning: Spoilers
spoilers... If I got to choose one thing that will ruin cinema, it's CGI. It's so freaking lame!! And in this movie; 80 percent of like everything is animated, and that truly sucks I tell you! Not just the bad acting, terrible directing etc. In this movie the CGI really takes the job in own hands and ruins it pretty elegant and beautiful.

The story is also terribly bad. A woman going in search for her fiance in Latino-America gets in trouble with the local soldiers...

As the movie goes on you never really feel like you've got anything interesting or cool into your eyes. And when the special effects are just okay, this really doesn't help the movie in its scale cause it really irritated me all the way. STARS: 1/5
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1/10
What a disaster.
Anonymous_Maxine11 February 2005
Infamous for being "brought to you by the digital effects team behind Independence Day," Coronado is even more of a spectacular failure just from being juxtaposed with ID4. This ridiculous mess of a film starts off with a brainless premise and goes completely downhill from there. A wealthy, soon to be married couple in Beverly Hills are the subjects of this idiotic story. Claire's fiancée has taken off on a business trip right around Christmas, so she decides to spontaneously fly to Switzerland so they can spend the holiday together. I especially love that her initial reason for wanting to go was because he had left some documents at home that she thought he might need. She grabbed them up and yelled after him while he drove away, concluding that her best bet would be to fly to the other side of the planet rather than call his cell phone. I refuse to believe that a couple living in such a cavernous mansion as theirs were unaware of the existence of mobile phones.

So up until this point, the movie is unbelievably bad, but check this out, THIS is where it starts to get bad! She gets to Switzerland and when she can't find her husband she gets some cake and calls her friend to whine about how unfair it all is. This woman is not an action hero, and she is DEFINITELY not a German Indiana Jones, for crying out loud. She is an overgrown cheerleader, a pampered sorority girl whose outdoor experience is probably limited to digging her spike heels out of the ground when she gets tipsy enough to wander onto the lawn during a wine and cheese party out on the bluffs.

She gets a tip that her fiancée is in South America, so she, like, totally flies there to get him. Once there, this moron thinks she's going to go into the jungle by herself, sniff out the enemy base and rescue her poor helpless boyfriend. She laughs off a comment about the danger of going in there, then freaks out later because she finds out that there are battles going on. "You never said anything about battle!"

There is one point where Claire and some journalist that she met up with drive this huge truck across a bridge that is hundreds of feet high and hundreds of feet across and suspended by two by fours. Literally. There are thousands of thin pieces of wood tied together with twine, and these morons decide to drive over it. Not only does it crumble under the weight of the truck, but Claire manages to fall off of it, falling hundreds of feet and landing on her back in the shallow river below. Later she recalls the event, laughing it off like, oh maybe it was only a hundred. At least she wasn't twirling gum on her fingers.

What is truly sad about this catastrophically bad movie is that they even managed to coax a terribly performance out of the tremendously talented John Rhys-Davies, a REAL Indiana Jones veteran. There is a lot of nonsense about an uprising at the end of the film, where we meet an extremist rebel leader who, when we first meet him, has such a thick accent that he rolls his r's like he thinks he's in a Ruffles commercial, then later he talks like some guy they pulled off the streets of Venice Beach. Unbelievable.

The special effects are negligible. The team that brought you Independence Day, by the very fact that they were involved with ID4, was simply going through the motions, throwing together some matted and blue screen shots, I have to believe because they just had nothing better to do. The story is astonishingly bad, and Kristin Dattilo, who many other IMDb users cite as the only reason to see the film, doesn't put the slightest effort into her performance. Maybe she thought the digital effects team behind Independence Day could superimpose some meaning into this mess.

And given how far they've fallen, maybe they thought they could, too.

They could at least have tried.
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4/10
Can sharks jump in the jungle?
carguychris2 August 2017
Being a bad-movie aficionado, I was immediately intrigued by the prominent byline on the DVD case boasting about the special effects team--not the lead actors, director, or producers--the SFX. I figure this film looks bad, the DVD is only $1, and I'll give it a go!

This is not a terrible film; it was obviously made by professionals. It's competently shot, lit, and edited, it's in focus, and the sound effects and dialogue are well-recorded. The orchestral score by German composer Ralf Wienrich is surprisingly good, several cuts above most low-budget features. The action moves along very well; this film is generally entertaining and never downright boring, except possibly during the plodding opening credits. The actors do a half-decent job, with heroine Kristin Datillo and dictator John Rhys-Davies standing out. Reviewers who accuse this film of being the "worst ever!" belie their unfamiliarity with genuinely boring and incompetently-made snooze-fests by directors such as Coleman Francis. In summary, the film is well-made, coherent, and fun, and the filmmakers obviously knew enough not to take themselves too seriously.

The main problem is the script. It's badly clichéd, overly frenetic, not as genuinely funny as the filmmakers want it to be, and blatantly contrived to link the SFX-laden action sequences together. These factors in themselves aren't fatal, as some low-budget films manage to overcome these flaws. The big problems hit during the movie's second half.

The film's first half is your basic McGuffin setup in which stylish California wife Claire (Kristin Datillo) tries to surprise her fiancé Will (Michael Lowry) on business in Switzerland, only to discover that he is actually in the mysterious Central American country of El Coronado, and may be involved in an ongoing revolution there. She connects with journalist and adventurer Arnet McClure (Clayton Rohner) and his cameraman and sidekick, go on a quest to find both her lost fiancé and the mysterious rebel forces, and wind up being pursued by the El Coronado military. Much of the dialogue is silly, with numerous one-liners falling flat, but this segment of the film is pretty good overall; the bridge sequence in particular is very well-done.

Then Claire is found by the rebels, whose base is hidden in a cavern housing hidden Mayan ruins, accessed by flying helicopters through a waterfall(!)... the shark jumps here.

From this point forward, the story goes in too many directions at once, veering down plot dead-ends and frequently becoming illogical at best and ridiculous at worst. Our heroine supports the revolution for reasons that never become clear--perhaps because the movie would end if she didn't. She finds her fiancé, who seems set up to be a villain, but he never seems very villainous because he gets very little dialogue and then disappears from the story. Rebel commander Sancho (Daniel Zacapa) is introduced, but he never really does anything except behave roguishly charming and rescue Claire when the plot demands it. Rebel leader Rafael (Byron Quiros) and dictator Presidente Ramos (John Rhys-Davies, in the film's funniest performance) are introduced; however, we never learn why the revolution is occurring, other than some vague blather about tyranny. OK, Rafael is photogenic and gives good inspirational speeches, and the Presidente is a pompous buffoon--which makes one wonder how effective he is at oppressing people.

This scattershot plot is accompanied by heavy-handed CGI effects that haven't held up very well and quickly get overwhelming. Any viewers familiar with real-world aircraft and military operations will roll their eyes frequently as the filmmakers disregard basic military tactics and the laws of aerodynamics; the film almost seems like outright fantasy towards the end, as the director tries to overcome the story's shortcomings by throwing more CGI helicopters, tanks, and giant torch-wielding crowds at the screen. The viewer's disbelief must be suspended VERY high.

Older children will be entertained if they don't scoff too much at the dated effects. Fans of bad movies and seekers of cheap and ridiculous entertainment will enjoy it for the sake of laughing at its flaws. Other viewers may want to stay away.

One thing this movie has going for it is that it's over-the-top tone, shtick-laden dialogue, improbability, and ridiculous SFX absolutely beg to be riffed on "MST3K: The Return"; Jonah and Joel, are you listening?
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2/10
If you want to make a comedy, make one
chlodowech17 September 2007
Warning: Spoilers
The bipolarity of this movie is maddening. One moment it's making fun of Latin Americans, American tourists and banana republics in general, the other it wants to be touching, with burned villages and orphans. Even the serious revolutionary hero, becomes a parody of a revolutionary at one point. But the comedy parts aren't even funny, because it's so obviously stolen from Star Wars. Yes, Star Wars, the "hero" is basically a rogue with a heart of gold. Add to this stereotypical sounds effects, Latin Americans who speak English with one another, and a villain that just disappears from the story. And whats the point? It's basically revolution propaganda with no resolution, and no planning (because, there is just no way these people can lead a country). The US government are bad guys, but who'll make money producing this? Not some poor farmer, that's for sure.
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5/10
Good Saturday movie
pmaner30 April 2005
Well I was at Blockbuster looking for something to fill part of my Saturday and ran across this one stating the effects were from the team of Independence Day. That was the draw, and I just finished watching it.

Kristin Dattilo is the redeeming factor in this and I would like to see more of her, so I logged in here to see what else has has done. But as mentioned, that film is not a great piece of work. It is a good Saturday afternoon movie and not a waste of time.

The story line is a bit weak, but I was not looking for an in depth film, and I did laugh a few times. It is nice to see a woman as the action hero, granted this is not a Laura Croft movie, but it was worth the $4.
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6/10
Fun homage to some great films
no-skyline8 May 2006
There's absolutely nothing original in Coronado, the acting is average at best the script could use a serious polish but somehow it remains fun. The obvious comparisons to this film are the likes of Romancing the Stone and Sahara. But comparisons fail to take into account that Coronado was made on a 10th of the budget of Sahara which itself was no great film.

They've managed to squeeze quite a lot into the film for $4.7million and there is a bridge sequence which works really well. It's just a shame they didn't have more money to get some beter quality actors add a bit more to the script. The story is very predictable with a few twists and turns added it would have been far superior.

Fun on a budget, nothing original but if you loved Romancing the Stone you'll get some enjoyment out of this. 6/10
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2/10
CnC style animation
gerth600012 October 2003
Just saw Coronado... Around here the only line they came up with to sell it is "from the FX team behind Independence Day". I think that says a great deal. No talk about writers, directors, actors...

It's a cute little adventure story set in a banana republic in Mid America, but the storyline is thin.

All the way through the movie I kept thinking about how much this movie looks like the cut-scenes from some action computer war game. Although the FXs are nice, they all too often are visible. Much like the cut scenes in CGs style like Command'n'Conquer.

You almost instantly know that that particular truck, backdrop, bridge, castle, or jet fighter never existed. The look is smooth and nice, but not up to the standard we have come to expect of Action Adventures today. The movie is lacking a lot of obvious on-location filming.

The acting, storyline is below average and the FXs are nice but not up to feature film standard. I am not surprised this thing went straight to video/DVD.
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8/10
Finnally, a real adventure again!
Sander Pilon12 October 2003
It's been a while since we had a real adventure in the theatre.

Well, the wait is over! Coronado is a genuine Indiana Jones style adventure in central America. Complete with ancient temples, revolutions and tons of jokes. And oh, it has something the Indiana Jones movies never had - a hot babe in the leading role. A real Lara Croft, the way she was meant to be!

So yeah, the story contains plot holes the size of elephants, the actors aren't always believable, but hey ... the insane amount of fun that this movie delivers makes more then up for that.

Bottom line: bring on the sequel!
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7/10
Blonde James Bond?
daniederman7 February 2006
I bought this film off the bargain shelf. Which is just where it belonged. The story line (is there a story line in here?) has our frantic Blonde, Clair, chasing from the perfect surprise weekend in Switzerland to the dry dusty and sometimes tropical banana republic of Coronado. All because her boyfriend lied to her when he said he was going on a business trip to Switzerland. And once in Coronado, Clair becomes the centerpiece of a revolution. Sort of a low Budget "Romancing the Stone". It is not great, it is not really good, but it fun. My 13 year old daughter loves it. The film is campy, so get out your sleeping bag, make some popcorn and enjoy a good B grade adventure flick.
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2/10
Was this a movie????
teleadm-persson7 October 2005
It didn't feel like a movie, and was thankfully short (under 90minutes), it felt more like a commercial of possibilties in computer graphics: Most of the special effects are great, to be sure. But that cerainly don't a great or even a good movie make. Not saying it's absolutely worthless viewing, since it's possible to see what are the possibilities in CGI or GCI, or what ever it's called.

As I read somewhere, "You can't fix it in the cutting room", a bad story and non-directed actors, can't be fixed in the cutting room or even with the most magnificent special effects! Things can be improved in the cutting room if they have a real director and material to work from.

However they thought this could be sold in USA is anyones idea, since USA is the crooks.

And isn't it sooo typical of low budget stories, they have to create an imaginative country south of Mexico??

Well Well I gace it 2! Just because of the special effects, the rest is absolute trash!
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2/10
What a mess
It's not a comedy, it's not really action; it doesn't have an engaging story, nor engaging character(development)s and the special effects are ridiculous.
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