Second Best (2004)

Boyd Gaines: Richard

Quotes 

• Elliot : [reading from his printed leaflet]  So here I am, gang - kicked out of a job and a house, scrounging from my mom, my ex-wife, my son, and guess what: my oldest friend Richard is coming to town, and I beg him to stay with me. Richard has kept his hair, his looks, his money; and pretty much runs Hollywood. You'd think he wouldn't have the time of day for his old buddies back East. You know, he's never once turned his back on me. Not once. Always kind, totally open, lends me money, and never asks for it back. And how do I reciprocate that kind of generosity and friendship? Well to this day I'v hidden a little secret from Richard. In college, when I was dating Allison, before he stole her from me, I fucked the lovely Allison, up the ass, when we had gotten drunk on a pitcher full of frozen strawberry daiquiris, and she came with the most intense shudder I have ever felt. Richard, Richard has kissed my wife, french-kissed her way back when, but he didn't butt-fuck her, like I did his. And I'm so ashamed that I've never told him this before. So there you have it. Elliot Kellman, biggest loser of them all.

  Richard : Y'know Elliot, how I said that, uh, nothing much ever happened between me and Paula? Well she must've sucked me off a dozen times in the pantry while Allison was playing Legos with the kids in the den. And you, you were outside by the barbecue, making your crummy, lousy, tasteless, overcooked ersatz-mesquite chicken.