- Dildo Saggins: I don't know, Smirnof. I'm not noble... or pure. I've cheated on my SATs! I've stuck up liquor stores. I piss in the shower!
- Smirnof, the Wizard: Everyone pisses in the shower!
- Dildo Saggins: I stole your wallet a couple minutes ago!
- Dildo Saggins: Actually, the Throbbits were trisexuals. They'd try anything, the horny little bastards!
- Dildo Saggins: [on seeing her friends engaged in a threesome] Ooo, yeah! Slice me off a hunk of that!
- Cowardly Lion: My mother was right; I should have opened an antique store and attended daily affirmation classes!
- Sir Bruce: Sure, follow the stereotypical homosexual's path! Maybe he'll sing you a few showtunes or be comedy relief! You can't handle a real homosexual in the context of modern society! You're all facists! I would like to know where you got those outifts, though...