- Jack Fate: I was always a singer and maybe no more then that. Sometimes it's not enough to know the meaning of things, sometimes we have to know what things don't mean as well. Like what does it mean to not know what the person you love is capable of? Things fall apart, especially all the neat order of rules and laws. The way we look at the world is the way we really are. See it from a fair garden and everything looks cheerful. Climb to a higher plateau and you'll see plunder and murder. Truth and beauty are in the eye of the beholder. I stopped trying to figure everything out a long time ago.
- Jack Fate: All of us in some way are trying to kill time. When it's all said and done, time ends up killing us.
- Jack Fate: By the way, which side of the political fence are you on?
- Desk Clerk: I do not belong to any political party, sir. I guess you could call me... a feminist
- Jack Fate: Some of us pursue perfection and virtue and if we're lucky, we catch up to it. But happiness can't be pursued. It either comes to your or it don't. You can always say, "if only this and if only that", but "if only" is a state of mind that we get into when we feel deprived.
- Edmund: There will be no more stupidity. There will be no more mistakes. It's a new day. God help you all.
- Drunk: Do I need to ring a bell to get a refill? You can see my glass is empty.
- Bobby Cupid: Hey, man, the glass is always empty. So is the spot on the counter where the money's supposed to be.
- Crew Guy #1: I mean, the thing I don't get is all this race this, race that, ethnic this, ethnic that. You know what I'm saying?
- Crew Guy #2: Yeah. You said the same thing last week.
- Uncle Sweetheart: Who's talking to you?
- Bobby Cupid: Common sense! The voices in my head. I mean screw this so-called concert, Jack. Let's disappear for a while, let's go to the South Seas, let's go where Gauguin went and just...
- Uncle Sweetheart: [grabs Bobby] I don't know which one of these voice is coming out of your head, but tell it to shut the fuck up! And Gauguin was a stockbroker.
- Voice On Presidential Answering Machine: [while Jack Fate is on the phone] You have reach the official residence of the president. Built in 1718, burned down in 1809. Rebuilt in 1819, burned down again in 1841.
- Nina Veronica: Nobody knows who Jack Fate is anymore. Nobody cares. I mean, he doesn't make records. He doesn't go on tour. He doesn't do interviews. He doesn't do anything!
- Uncle Sweetheart: He doesn't have to! He's a legend. Does Jesus have to walk on water twice to make a point?
- Uncle Sweetheart: It's a bitched up world, Jack. The only way we can protect ourselves is by going mad.
- Animal Wrangler: If I see a crack in the sidewalk, it's more beautiful to me than any human being. A crack in the mud at the bottom of a sun dried lake, I count them more beautiful than any human being. You know what I mean?
- Jack Fate: I know what you mean. Kinda like a curse, isn't it? Bein' born.
- Animal Wrangler: You got that right. Yeah, cause we live in fear. Cause we know we're gonna die. Animals don't know they're gonna die. They got no fear. They live. Content. In the moment. It holds us back. Knowledge of death. I say, amazing grace, in deed.
- Uncle Sweetheart: You got any idea what this song is about?
- Bobby Cupid: Yeah, it's about trying to get to heaven. You got to know the route before you start out.
- Uncle Sweetheart: No, it's not about that at all. What strikes you about the song is the 'Jekyll and Hyde' quality. The song is written from Hyde's point of. view. That's what you like. It's about doing evil and trying to kill your conscience - if you can. It's not like those other songs of his. The ones about faithless women and booze and brothels and the cruelty of society. It's not like those. This one's right up your alley. It's about doing good by manipulatin' the forces of evil. It's just like you.
- Jack Fate: Well, I got to get back to the stage.
- Oscar Vogel: The stage - ah, yes - the stage. The whole world is a stage.
- Uncle Sweetheart: They want you to sing that song "Revolution". You know, that Beatles song. The slow version - the in-and-out one.
- Jack Fate: "Revolution." What else do they want me to play?
- Uncle Sweetheart: I got the playlist right here. Let's see, where's my glasses? Okay, here we go: "Revolution", "Street Fightin' Man", "Won' t Get Fooled Again", "Cellblock #9", "Ohio", "Eve of Destruction", "Kick out the Jams." You can do all those.
- Jack Fate: I don't know, Sweetheart. Sounds like a lot of songs.
- Uncle Sweetheart: Okay listen, Uncle Sweetheart is organizing a benefit concert. A benefit concert - to help the real victims of the revolution. However, I will be personally siphoning the majority of the funds into the kitty of the fattest cat of all. Me! And you gentlemen will be paid in full.
- Percy: When?
- Uncle Sweetheart: Definitely in this lifetime.
- Blunt: Look, you got the money or not?
- Uncle Sweetheart: Oh, it's the dark princes, the democratic republicans. Working for a barbarian who can scarcely spell his own name. Hey, the only thing more pleasant than seeing you would be seeing the grim reaper himself. You gentlemen are about to make a hideous choice. You two are pitiable figures weeping with blood, and it' s gonna be your blood. Are you aware gentlemen, that this is all a play?
- Bacchus: Why a benefit concert?
- Nina Veronica: Well, how else do you get rock stars to do television? Huh? You either give them a cause or give them an award.
- Tom Friend: What are you drinking?
- Editor: What am I drinking? I'm drinking my life away. Why? You want some?
- Uncle Sweetheart: He's virtually free. Who else can you say that about?
- Nina Veronica: Virtually free? No one is virtually free. You're either free or you're *not* free. You know, if he's gonna play this concert, then he's gonna play exactly what we tell him.
- Nina Veronica: So, now tell me, are we screwed or are we not screwed?
- Uncle Sweetheart: I'm not. Are you? I don't think you are getting screwed, that's your problem.
- Nina Veronica: Yeah, yeah. I can't believe you're gonna to turn this disaster into a seduction.
- Nina Veronica: So, where's my headliner? Huh? I just got off the phone with the network. They want something to promote. They *need* something to promote. They have some questions about your ability to perform services due.
- Uncle Sweetheart: And I suppose you told 'em I was a total showbiz stud, that you have total mystical knowledge and faith in me and absolutely no question about my ability to perform services due.
- Nina Veronica: Yeah, yeah, something like that.
- Uncle Sweetheart: Here's the thing, I don't think that Sting or Springsteen or Billy Joel or McCartney is gonna work out. But, but, but, I have a surprise for you.
- Tom Friend: Okay, I changed my mind.
- Editor: About what?
- Tom Friend: About what? About everything.
- Editor: Everything?
- Tom Friend: E-very-thing.
- Editor: I will tell you this, there is a story there.
- Tom Friend: That's no story. That's no story. That's every story. *That* is the story.
- Editor: Make something out of it. And if you can't do that, sir, then - make it up!
- Pagan Lace: We always have a good time.
- Tom Friend: Good times don't last long.
- Pagan Lace: You are making everything so tragic.
- Tom Friend: Tragic? I'm not making it tragic. Every period in history has been, more or less, tragic.
- Pagan Lace: I don't know what you're saying.
- Tom Friend: Don't you read the paper? The pervert's gonna be the top man now.
- Tom Friend: Look, it's an overcrowded world. It's hard to get at the top. There's a long line at the elevator.
- Pagan Lace: It doesn't matter. We'll take the stairs.
- Soldier: I come from a small village in the mountains. We don't even have a doctor. So, I joined the rebels. I didn't know what the answers were. I still don't. I just knew you had to take sides. I suffered sickness and wrongs. My whole family turned against me. They disowned me. I tried to explain, but, but, but they just wouldn't listen to me. Pretty soon, I saw the rebel movement was corrupt. The leadership were lying to the people. They wanted to replace the old government with a new government which was just as bad. They were taking - they were taking people's money, they were, they were, they were making promises with no intentions of keeping them. And then, a small army of counter-revolutionaries grew to battle the rebels in the mountains where the government forces were ineffective. I changed sides. No one ever noticed. This new movement was fighting, was fighting for the truth the rebels supposedly believed in but really didn't. And then I realized that this movement was being funded by the very government I wanted to topple. At that point, I realized I didn't want the government to fall. It would only he replaced with anarchy. I - I started believing in preserving the republic; so, I joined the government forces. I fought bravely for their cause. And then one day, we wiped out a small village. They, they told something about the rebels having infiltrated. But, it was a lie. All the men were either dead or old. And there - there were was nothing but women and children left. - - - It was my village.
- Tom Friend: I don't have a lot of time.
- Editor: Jesus Christ, man, you don't have a lot of time? Abraham Lincoln, listen to me, Abraham Lincoln gave the famed Gettysburg Address in five minutes. Five! So, don't ever talk to me about time.
- Tom Friend: What's up?
- Editor: What's up? Isn't that an interesting question to ask me. I got reporters wounded. I've got reporters that are held captive. Held hostage. I got two reporters dead. I got reporters on the front lines. I got reporters that are undercover - with the insurgents, with the counter-insurgents. I got people inside the capitol - even in the Office of the President, himself.
- Uncle Sweetheart: This is gonna be a patriotic rhapsody, Jack. Here's the deal. You'll be working for the people. The peasants. The children. Imagine yourself being reincarnated in the civil war in Babylon.
- Jack Fate: Civil war in Babylon?
- Uncle Sweetheart: Come on son, snap out of it! You gotta stand up on your tiptoes to see the future.
- Edmund: They didn't get a big star. Big stars think it's too dangerous here. Big stars - they like doing benefits; but, only if the benefits are being held in places where they won't get shot at. Man, let me ask you. Have you ever met any big stars with a set of nuts? Huh? With any big balls? Any God damn brains and charisma? No? No? My man, big stars they like - they like it safe. They don't like to put their life on the line for a cause that they don't understand. I mean, who does, huh?
- Jack Fate: In my father's world, you do not take what is his. Not his gold. Not his silver. Not his woman. I thought I was doin' it for my mother. I thought I was doin' it for my country. Ultimately, I knew, I was doin' it for me. In the end, it's the strongest arm that stretches the bow.
- Uncle Sweetheart: Hey, you're all skin and bones.
- Jack Fate: Aren't we all. Anyway, I don't have to throw my weight around. Look at you. You must have put on a few pounds.
- Uncle Sweetheart: Eatin' from the tree of knowledge of good and evil.
- Jack Fate: He sacrificed everything he ever wanted to reach his destiny, to rule this empire with an iron fist. From the cathouses and gambling joints he rose to the top rung of civilization, President of this god-forsaken nation.
- Uncle Sweetheart: Let me show you this place. I own a piece of it.
- Jack Fate: Which piece?
- Uncle Sweetheart: It changes every day.