Parents Guide for
The Cat in the Hat (2003) More at IMDb Pro »

When the kids ask where the Cat came from, he starts to explain by saying "When a mother cat and daddy cat love each other very much, they..." but Conrad interrupts him from continuing.

The Cat finds a centerfold of Conrad and Sally's mother.

The Cat hides at a birthday party and poses as a piñata. The kids then come out and whack him with bats, followed by one kid who smashes him in the crotch with a large wooden bat (briefly prompting the Cat to imagine his resultant self as a female). Sally and Conrad then have to stop him from hitting that boy (who doesn't see him) with that same bat.

None, but there's a bleeped out S.O.B. and an incomplete "What the..." and "ass." The Cat also mentions an acronym for his car that comes out to "S-L-O-W" and mentions that's better than when it stood for something else that had the "s" word as the acronym. He called it the "Super Hydralic Instantaneous Transporter". (He doesn't actually say the acronym though, because he is cut off.) The cat almost says balls (refering to male genitals.)

We see Lawrence carrying a six-pack of beer and later see some empties on a table near him.

Conrad and Sally hear a noise coming from the closet and slowly go to investigate (as some suspenseful music plays). He's then suddenly yanked inside and Sally looks scared. A stuffed animal then suddenly flies out and we see that Conrad was just joking around. The Cat then suddenly shows up, however, and scares the kids, who think he's a monster (although to viewers he's acting funny and irreverent).