They Don't Cut the Grass Anymore (1985) User Reviews

Face Smushin at it's Weakest

[ElijahCSkuggs · 3/10 · 26 February 2008]

They Don't Cut the Grass Anymore is a gore flick I've heard about for a while now. I kept hearing that it's an alright gore flick, which it is I suppose. It does have a decent amount of gore. But my God, the special effects are so damn cheap looking. It was just a mess of gore effects. But if you were to compare it to every other aspect of the movie, the gore probably comes off as the best thing. Actually, scratch that. Whoever actually maintained and cut the actual lawns in the film....they did a great job. Fantastic lawns.

The writing and acting will go down as some of the worst I've ever seen. Most of the time if the film has such awful acting and writing, I usually find it amusing. I may have smirked a couple times, but overall, the people acting were just so awful and bland feeling that it just didn't give me any type of satisfaction. A couple detective characters showed up later on in the film...they had what it took to deliver some laughs, but unfortunately they were only on screen for a couple minutes.

Overall, They Don't Cut the Grass Anymore just plainly doesn't cut it. It's much, much too Home Video for myself. Maybe if I knew the people involved I'd have some weird appreciation for it, but it's really just a completely passable and forgettable gore flick. I didn't completely hate it though, the mask of one of the brothers was kinda cool and I loved the shot to the crotch scene, and I found it kinda funny that every time they tore someone's face apart or stomach, they'd mash the gore in their hands. But a gore flick this bad and without nudity....it takes a true camp-gore fan to truly enjoy this stuff. Only for completists and the hardest of hardcore gore fans. 3.5 outta 10

Comments.....

[face_of_terror · 5/10 · 9 March 2004]

PLOT

Two `yardworkers' Billy Buck and Jacob are disgusted by the upper society and they express their anger on Northern Yuppies in very different and violent ways..

COMMENTS

This movie appeared on DVD on Feb. 24 and I immediately bought it. IMDB has only 2 (by far) reviews on this movie which I liked. Being a gore fan I was really exited about this movie. Itself the movie is only 70 min long though I guess it was enough to see the point director Nathan Schiff was trying to show.well.there's no point actually. This movie has a very poor plot , very poor acting and sometimes really silly effects (barby dolls and e.t.c). Though I liked John Smihula's performance. He plays Billy Buck , a big yard worker who along with his ugly friend Jacob mutilate all those Yuppies. The gore scenes are disgusting , am not going to deny it , sometimes really violent. Everything is shown in really close angle , so you get to see everything , the flesh , guts and everything else you need to vomit if u don't have a steel stomach , which is STRONGLY recommended. People are murdered in very different ways with tons of different weapons like chainsaw , hammer , dynamite , steel pipe and e.t.c. Sometimes you can easily see that they use a doll instead of a body . I guess due to financial problems , because this is a 'non budget' movie. Though it has a great ending. Everything is shot with a cheap hand camera and sometimes scenes are not fit in it (at least in DVD version). Though it has a great ending.

DVD version has a good gallery and interviews with the film's director Nathan Schiff and John Smihula who played Billy Buck..plus a few trailers to some short animated parody movies (Attack of the Giant Turtle , Cocktails At Midnight).



OVERALL

As a gorefest this movie is a treasure. As a Good Horror movie with so-so acting , so-so plot it's a total disaster..watch for urself..

Your grass is so green and well kept

[Burntout · 5/10 · 8 April 2008]

Nathan Schiff's third film is yet another gorefest that is gloriously short (clocking in at only 70 minutes) but that's all you need b/c there is no plot and no acting chops at all. Well, actually, I can't deny that John Smihula did a decent job as the Southern hick "mastermind" who ends up killing a bunch of Northern yuppies with his deranged friend. The way he delivered his lines made the horrendous dialogue only that much funnier. More entertaining in terms of gleeful abandonment of any attempt at making a serious film. I mean the dialogue is worse than most porn movies (it's truly truly TRULY bad). The gore is impressive though yet again (taking into consideration that this is a NO-budget movie) and that's all that really matters…watching people's faces get ripped off and their intestines yanked out in gloriously fake (but utterly disgusting and vile) detail. Long live Schiff!

For gore fans exclusively

[lrc81 · 23 July 2004]

This is a extremely low budget movie as you can guess if you've watched any of Nathan Schiff's movies. If you're looking for a movie with a plot and good acting then you're looking in the wrong place. In Schiff's previous movie "Long Island Cannibal Massacre" he presented the viewers with a plausible plot but in this one it didn't come close to that. It's amazing that Nathan Schiff didn't get one single good actor, by good i mean, someone that could at least deliver one line convincingly, that could light up a cigar naturally but no, no such luck. There's plenty of gore but personally it didn't impress me, it's so unrealistic, so fake looking that you can't associate it with real blood, real skin, guts, etc. Watch at least one Nathan Schiff movie, just to get an idea about what he's all about, maybe this one isn't the best choice.

They Don't Cut the Grass Anymore (1985) *

[JoeKarlosi · 2/10 · 26 February 2005]

This is only the first film I've seen from the collection of Long Island director and exploitation buff Nathan Schiff (I believe it was his third) and I was fairly amused by it, which was his intention for the most part. In that regard, TDCTGA (a fun title, by the way) was occasionally entertaining for me in a humorous way and prevented it from being a BOMB.

Of course, it's 8mm homegrown film-making and extremely crude, too. The acting and dialogue is terrible across the board, and there's no real story to the gruesome festivities other than two Texas dimwits hacking folks to pieces out in the suburbs -- but narrative is not necessarily a requirement for an exploitation flick, as long as it delivers the gory goods. And in that department, Schiff surprised me at times with the realistic-looking execution of some of his splatter sequences, while at other times they were so obviously fake that they lost the desired effect. In any case, it's always interesting to see independent efforts like this one, and note how the filmmakers try to utilize whatever effects, sets and locations are available to them. Here, a ravaged old house that was about to be torn down is put to good use as the sickening dwelling place of our featured maniacs.

If this had been made 20 years earlier it probably could have played in grindhouse theatres. It's too bad times have changed. Anyway -- I'd think gore hounds could have some laughs with this one if they know what to expect going in. And what not to expect. * out of ****

Goodbye brain cells, it was nice having you...

[Coventry · 2/10 · 20 December 2021]

If "The Long Island Cannibal Massacre" and particularly "Weasels Rip my Flesh" taught me only one thing, it is that you need to be in a specific sort of condition in order to truly enjoy the movies of Nathan Schiff. Clinically dead, for example, or lobotomized.

Just as its predecessors, "They don't cut the grass anymore" is a sickening and repulsive amateur splatter-movie full of misogyny and vile intentions. In fact, if the gore effects weren't so weak and pathetic, this could easily be the most disturbing horror movie in history. So far, nothing remarkable. What really amazes me, though, is that writer/director Nathan Schiff and his buddies are still incompetent and terrible at making films even though it's already their third attempt. I mean, even the dumbest and most primitive living organisms evolve and become better at what they do. This theory clearly doesn't apply to Mr. Schiff, as his third full-length film is still as lousy and inept (possibly even lousier and more inept) as the previous two. You can literally feel your brain cells dying off while watching "They don't cut the grass anymore".

Thinking up awesome and juicy titles is pretty much the only thing Nathan Schiff excels at. This is the heartbreaking tale of two hideous rednecks from Texas, Billy-Buck and Jacob, making a living as home gardeners in the state of New York. They detest rich people, and women altogether, so they go on a random killing spree. They peel off girls' faces to the skull, rip out intestines, impale their victims in the rear, blast shotgun holes in crotches, and so on, and so on... There's nothing else happening, honestly. Even though only 70 minutes long, it's a really dull experience.

Gruesome twosome masters of gore.

[michaelRokeefe · 2/10 · 9 December 2006]

A couple of wild rednecks from Texas, Billy Buck(John Smihula)and Jacob(Adam Berke), relocate to Long Island to start a grass-cutting business. These two hillbillies easily get fed up with the newfangled attitudes and ways of the Northern city slickers. They do groom some lawns, but also murder and mutilate unfortunate and unsuspecting Northern Yuppies. Billy and Jacob express their anger ruthlessly and seem to actually have fun pulling the guts out of their victims.

The acting is horrible, emotionless and monotone. The special effects are mostly shot close up; which really shows how lame the gore is. I can't believe how horrible this film was made and being from the mid 80's. Could it have something to do with Nathan Schiff writing, directing and producing; as well as having his hand in the cinematography, editing, special effects and original music.

Others in the cast: Mary Spadaro, Lynn Campagna, Matt Zagon, Leanna Mangiarano and Edward Schiff. A throw back to the old drive-in movies.

Awful!!!

[keane11180 · 1/10 · 18 August 2006]

I am a huge Gore Hound, and read the reviews on IMDb and got this from netflix. I thought I was gonna see a movie that was so bad that it's good. I did not get that at all. The gore is so fake. The intestines are obviously pieces of rope because most of time you see them they are bright white. When they rip the girls' faces off (which is done rather easily I might add) there is a squishing noise that is obviously done with someone's mouth making the noise. I know this is low budget, but it's ridiculous that this even got released. You or I could make this film. I watched the interview with Nathan Schiff on the DVD. He said that this was meant to be a satire with a good script and decent acting behind it. However, he wanted John Smihula in it and he was going into the peace corps in two weeks. So, he had to shoot it in 2 weeks and cut most of the ideas he had and just make it a gore film. He wrote the film quickly and had to use people who had never acted before. Here's an idea Nathan, instead of building the entire movie around John Smihula, why didn't you get another actor who could do it,which would have given you more time to make the movie you claim you wanted to? So, contrary to what people say this is not a gore hounds delight, unless you like obviously fake effects with dolls in plain view. HG Lewis had better effects in Wizard of Gore in 1967.

Dr. Drew says... 2 out of 10

[Dr_Drew_Says · 2/10 · 26 September 2013]

They Don't Cut the Grass Anymore (1985): The Good, the Bad and the Mutilated

Synopsis: Two oddball hicks who make a living in the lawncare industry, take exception to the wealthy suburbanites for whom they work. The result is a lot of pent up hostility run amok and a penchant for mutilation.

The Good: Is there anything good with this film? Hm... let me think... I don't really think so. Oh wait! There's this awesome little song they do at the end. You have to hear it to believe it. Might as well fast forward there and save yourself some time. At least it's a good chuckle.

The Bad: All of it? Not sure how I came across this movie, but I did. Probably because I try to watch every horror movie I can get my hands on. So when this little gem's path crossed with mine, I threw caution to the wind and put it on. I should have listened to the wind. First of all... and I don't say this lightly, because I've seen a LOT of bad movies... the acting was THE worst I've ever seen. By a lot. It's very obvious Schiff made this when he was very young and simply had his friends do the acting. On a shoe-string budget, you do what you have to, but seriously? I know for a fact, I could do more with less. My friends, of whom NONE are actors, would look like Academy Award winning performers compared to these people. It's like Jersey Shore meets Cannibal Ferox. Just awful, awful, awful. The script is so bad... I just can't even begin to comprehend how you don't accidentally make something better than this. I could have had them recite my grocery list and it would have made more sense. The characters? I honestly think they were recycling the same actresses and passing them off as new ones. I can't be sure, because they all looked the same and I am NOT watching it again to prove my theory. And for all that is holy, can you not just go to the costume store and get some $20 Halloween costume for your maniac dudes? One guy simply has black rings around his eyes (and overalls... no shirt) and the other guy, Jacab (which I think is spelled wrong in Schiff's scrolling piece of paper as "rolling credits"... brilliant) is a mute who wears a mask of some sort and it's passed off as his real face. Just make him a masked murderer or get him some hillbilly teeth or something. Every choice was made so badly that I guarantee my 9 year old son and his friends could do better.

The Mutilated: Okay, so the only thing this movie has going for it is the excessively gory mutilation scenes. Are they worth watching this movie for? Unequivocally... no. Here's what you can do instead... find yourself a 300 year old human skull with no teeth and put a bunch of gooey crap and meat all over it. Make it look something like a face. Then spend the next 10 minutes peeling it off in a really disgusting way... like you are ripping someones face off. Then repeat it about 10 times in slightly different ways... just be sure to use the same skull. Not sure if some of the other things in here are intentional, like the use of blow-up dolls passed off as real people. I suspect it wasn't, but now I hear the director is trying to pass it off as "it was symbolism for us living in a plastic society...". Um, sure. Whatever you say, pal. I know there are some of you that will need to watch this because of your consuming desire to watch all horror movies, like me... but do so with caution: this isn't bad-good or bad-funny... it's bad-BAD! I rated it a 2 only because I understand how small the budget was and how young Schiff was when he made it.

Entertaining

[Tikkin · 8/10 · 6 March 2006]

First off: please don't complain that this flick is terrible simply because of the bad acting, fake gore or lack of storyline. It was clearly meant to be that way for it is a low budget film. Whatever budget they did have was obviously spent on the gore - this is a gore flick, nothing more nothing less. It's as fake as hell but it keeps you watching, there's never a dull moment. There are also some hilarious lines such as when the girl cries "Please don't rape me!" in the most unconvincing voice ever, to which the gardener replies: "I ain't gonna rape you bitch, you smell like fish, I never did like seafood!" Me and my friend are always quoting that line! It's so bad but so hilarious. If you watch this with the right frame of mind, ie. not expecting a great film but expecting fake gory silliness, then you should enjoy it. Sadly there's not many people around that would take this film for what it is.

Die yuppie scum!

[Woodyanders · 8/10 · 4 June 2015]

Redneck Texas gardeners Jacob (a creepy mute portrayal by Adam Berke) and Billy Buck (broadly overplayed with hysterical eye-rolling relish by John Smihula) go to Long Island in search of work. Offended by the stuck-up smugness of their spoiled rotten yuppie clients, the deranged duo decide to embark on a vicious killing spree.

Writer/director Nathan Schiff pokes gleefully wicked fun at the greed, selfishness, and shallowness of the 80's yuppie craze while maintaining a steady pace and a blithely twisted mean-spirited tone throughout. Moreover, Schiff goes delightfully overboard with the outrageous and excessive in-your-face explicit splatter: Intestines are unraveled, a spear gets shoved where the sun doesn't shine, faces are demolished, skulls get cracked open, eyes are torn out, and so on in a lingering manner that's really something to behold. The primitive no-frills filmmaking style and eager, yet amateurish acting give this picture a pleasingly raw immediacy. Cool ironic ending, too. A satisfying slice of vintage 80's dimestore splatter trash.

Loved it

[steinaraa · 8/10 · 24 February 2019]

I Just love this gore movie. Yeah sure acting is bad, blood is bad, effects Are bad but its Just a funny easy bizarro movie. I love it. I wish it had better effects.

Fun low-budget splatter flick.

[HumanoidOfFlesh · 8/10 · 1 June 2004]

Nathan Schiff's "They Don't Cut the Grass Anymore" is an extremely gory horror film about two Texas gardeners,Billy Buck(John Smihula) and Jacob(Adam Berke),who mutilate yuppies.The film mixes the gory imagery with broad comedy.The gore is pretty extreme and disgusting,but the special effects are really crummy,so it's hard to take them seriously.Basically various people are killed and dismembered in the variety of grisly ways."They Don't Cut the Grass Anymore" is much better than Schiff's debut "Weasels Rip My Flesh",so if you like 'em bloody give it a look.Here is my favourite gore scene:a young girl swallows a firecracker before taking a shotgun blast in her crotch!