Haggard (2003 Video)
Bam Margera: Valo
Photos
Quotes
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Valo : You paint your face fluorescent yellow and you want a sip of my booze? Fuck off!
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[after showing Ryan the tape of Hellboy and Glauren having sex]
Ryan : I'm gonna rip Hellboy a new asshole.
Valo : No, I think Hellboy ripped Glauren a new asshole.
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Falcone : I will tell you everything, I'll let you know. You'll be so much smarter. Girls are like... a lake, you know? Like, you can jump right in, get in there, and then you're all used to it and everything's great. But come winter time
[snaps fingers]
Falcone : that shit's fuckin' frozen. Then you're fucked. That's why I know the difference: I always pull out of it.
Valo : What are you talking about? This food is making you crazy.
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Valo : What the hell is wrong with all my friends? Fuck.
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Valo : Some girl stabbed Ryan in the eye, now he's gotta rock a pirate-patch for at least a month.
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Valo : Let me guess: some sort of experiment?
Falcone : Spearmint? I'd rather Wintergreen. What are you talkin' about?
Valo : The TV. It's sideways.
Falcone : Why wouldn't it be sideways? I have to watch it with my neck straight, so I'm comfortable. Otherwise I'd have a taco neck, ya know?
Valo : Did you take acid?
Falcone : ...yea.
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Valo : Yeah, well Your fucking brilliant plan just got me pissed on by Hellboy's sick dick. Thanks!
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Valo : I don't care if it's a car, I don't care if it's a Goddamn Batmobile. I don't want to drive with him.
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Ryan : [halfheartedly throws bottle]
Valo : That was the most pussified attempt I have ever seen.
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Valo : What the fuck is wrong with your face? We're about to perform a highly illegal break-in and you're on your way to a football game with your frat buddies!
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Valo : [Valo's voicemail message] Yeah, I figured it'd be you, that's why I didn't answer it.
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Bartenders : What the hell?
Valo : Oh, it's just Naked Dave.
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Valo : Don't touch me, or I'll seriously kill your face, it's so hardcore.
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Valo : Alright dude, seriously just relax okay? Look at that girl over there. She's reading a book alone. If that's not an invitation, I don't know what is.
Ryan Dunn : What are you talking about, Valo? It's a coffee shop. People like that come here to get away from people like us.
Valo : She is looking for ass, I can see it.
Ryan Dunn : What does it matter? I look like shit.
Valo : Go talk to her.
Ryan Dunn : What do I say?
Valo : I don't know. Compliment her on that tattoo or something.
Ryan Dunn : Yeah, that'll work. It sounds so fucking lame.
Valo : Worked for Glauren.
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Valo : Seriously, knock that shit off. I'm going to punch your throat off your body. I'm walking over here. If you follow me, I'm gonna kill you.