Kaante (2002)
Kumar Gaurav: Anand 'Andy' Mathur
Quotes
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Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : Plan's changed.... all of you put your cellphones on the table... we are going to rob the bank tomorrow... not the day after...
Maqbool Haider 'Mak' : Smart move Major! You're doing this so none of us can cheat on you...
Anand Mathur 'Andy' : So what do we do tonight?
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : Tonight? We're gonna dance, sing, drink... what else?
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : *Picks up the mobile* I will get some hot chics arranged right now!
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : Put the phone down Bali!
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Anand Mathur 'Andy' : I'm sorry Major but I can't pay...
[About to Leave]
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : Wait... you're a software engineer and the Bank has a security password which needs to be cracked... so we need you anyways...
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : B..but w...why do we need him to crack the password? Marc is our Tarzan... he will crack everything we need to get cracked
Marc Issak : Forget it Major... why are you explaining the situation to him
[Baali]
Marc Issak : ? He doesn't even know the difference between a software and an underwear!
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Ajju : So you guys are all set ?
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : Ok. Plan goes this way...
Ajju : [Interrupting Major] Just a minute Major
[Splits the cash from the truck he jacked]
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : What's this ?
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : [Smiling] Damn I always knew this bastard was the one who stole the truck and landed us in jail.
Ajju : That's why I am distributing the cash equally.
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : Keep all the bundles on the table.
Marc Issak : Why ?
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : Coz for a bank robbery, you need guns, cars, electronics, explosives, and to buy all this we need money.
Ajju : If I hadn't been so decent Major ?
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : Then we would think of robbing something else.
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : That's still possible, for the time being let's keep the money for ourselves.
Maqbool Haider 'Mak' : No Bali. Major's right. When we have set our kitchen, why go begging
[Everyone barring Andy puts their cash on the table]
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : Andy ?
Anand Mathur 'Andy' : I guess this is more than enough for me.
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : [after Andy leaves] Well it's a good thing. What was supposed to be distributed amongst 6 will now be distributed amongst 5.
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : Nope, the money is still gonna be bifurcated amongst 6.
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : Are you gonna pay me extra Major
[laughs]
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : Not a chance. Everything inside the bank runs on a computer. The security cameras, the vault. There's a code to defuse it. For defusing the code we need a software engineer.
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : What's the need of an engineer Major. We have our own Tarzan over here
[pointing towards Marc]
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : . He will break the code.
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : We have to break the bank's vault Baali, not the bank manager's neck.
Marc Issak : Why are trying to explain this to him Major. He doesn't even understand the difference between a software and an underwear,
[turning to Baali]
Marc Issak : right.
Ajju : What do we do now Major ?
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : We gotta get Andy.
-
Andy's lawyer : [after counting Andy's cash] This isn't good enough.
Anand Mathur 'Andy' : I love my son. Isn't that enough ?
Andy's lawyer : [Returning Andy's cash] No.
Anand Mathur 'Andy' : What do you mean ?
Andy's lawyer : This money is good enough to open the case, but not sufficient to win it. At the hearings, the judge will ask whether your son has a secure future with you ? Will he get new clothes, new toys ? Would he be able to see a college from the inside ? The answer to all these questions is MONEY Andy, LOTS OF MONEY.
[after a pause]
Andy's lawyer : I am sorry Andy.
-
Pathan : [Boasting] I swear on Khuda, nobody in the whole of the United States can provide you as much stuff as I would.
Anand Mathur 'Andy' : Marc, let's take buy all of this.
Marc Issak : [In a sarcastic voice] Why, you wanna fight a war or what Andy !
Pathan : My beloved, if you wish you can even wage a war with this stuff. I swear on Khuda, more than half of Kashmir echoes the sounds of MY explosives.
[Everyone on the terrace looks to him with anger]
Anand Mathur 'Andy' : [In a concealed angry tone] You never got caught till date ?
Pathan : How will I get caught, I am a very resourceful man. I have contacts till the highest levels.
Marc Issak : So you have contacts till the highest levels.
Pathan : [Not understanding people are furious with him] Yes, why are you asking ?
Marc Issak : You think you're pretty smartass ?
Pathan : I don't THINK I am a smartass, I KNOW I am a smartass
[laughing]
Marc Issak : [Interrupting in anger] In that case asshole, didn't anybody tell you that never ever talk of destroying India in front of Indians ?
Anand Mathur 'Andy' : [Grabbing Aslam Khan by his shoulders] My beloved, no matter what an Indian might be, he hates 2 things badly. First, loss in a cricket match.
Marc Issak : [Grabbing the other shoulder] The second, anybody attacking India.
[Throwing Aslam Khan off the roof]
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : [laughing hysterically] Scum on the face of the planet, got buried in it when he fell on it.
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Maqbool Haider 'Mak' : [With all six in the lockup] Do these guys think of us as talcum powder ? A slight itch and they grab us to rub over.
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : Worse than talcum powder actually, condom. Get fucked all night and finally flush it down the toilet.
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : Hey, watch it. Should we talk business ?
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : Yes boss. In any case we return back to this place every second or third day. It ain't good for our repustation
[misspelling reputation]
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : Which station ?
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : Repustation.
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : What ?
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : Repustation means respect in the community. You won't understand, it's an English term.
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : Really ? Respect and YOURS ? Tell me blonde, what do you do when you're out of jail ?
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : The same thing you do with Macquarrie's wife
[laughing]
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : Macquarrie's wife seems to be quite popular. Who all are having an affair with her ? Marc ? Mac ? Andy ?
Anand Mathur 'Andy' : [Sarcastically] No. My class is sum wat higher.
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : Good. Then let's talk business.
Maqbool Haider 'Mak' : Major I had heard you left all this stuff behind.
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : Boss, Major promised to his spouse that he's done with it. The same way our hero over here
[pointing to Suniel Shetty]
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : . Hey, you too promised your girlfriend, right ?
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : [Looking at Suniel Shetty for fun] Really, what did you promise her ?
Marc Issak : That I'll bang you head to toe.
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : [laughing] So do the same with her firstly.
[to Sanjay Dutt]
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : I don't ever interfere in the daily affairs of women. It's stupidity.
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : [For fun] Daily Affairs ? Have you ever seen his girlfriend ?
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : [Intrigued to irritate Suniel Shetty] Is she that great ?
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : Simply great ? She's the queen of Club India. You're talking of daily affairs, for her sake I can leave this world.
[laughs]
Marc Issak : [Snaps and grabs Sanjay Dutt by his collar] Here, I'll assist you in leaving this world.
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : Guys please.
Maqbool Haider 'Mak' : Major just ignore them, they're just uselessly passing time. You were saying something which might be helpful.
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : It's Macquarie who's passing our time. But this fact won't go into any one of your brains. You guys keep bullshitting about worthless topics. Haven't you ever thought why always WE get detained ?
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : It's the police which commits the crime of detaining us, so the police itself will pay the penalty.
Maqbool Haider 'Mak' : How ?
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : We'll rob their bank
Anand Mathur 'Andy' : You mean the Service American Bank ?
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : Exactly. Every blue blood of this city has his account over there. That's why nobody has ever dared to even touch that bank. Coz even he's aware IF he gets caught, the entire police department is gonna bust him badly.
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : And why exactly do you think you're genius enough not to be busted ?
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : Coz bro Bali, the security in the bank is so light, even your Mom can rob the bank and walk out. Till now, they use to draw their salaries from that place. Now we will.
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : [Dismissing Sanjay Dutt] Yeah, mine has arrived already.
-
Maqbool Haider 'Mak' : [Movie's opening lines in background narration] Los Angeles, 12th may, 2000. Where we 6 punters met for the first time. We thought we'd conquer the world. We got busted.
[Camera on Sanjay Dutt with all 6 in the lock-up in background narration]
Maqbool Haider 'Mak' : Ajju. It was all his idea from the start.
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : [In present tense] One day or the other we're all going to hell. If we accomplish this task, we can go in a limousine, else on foot.
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : You're most welcome to have that limousine of yours, I'd go walking. It's better than being carried on 4 shoulders.
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : Common blonde, can't you understand a simple thing ?
Maqbool Haider 'Mak' : [Camera on Mahesh Manjrekar in background narration] Baali. Piercing in his ears, abuses in his mouth, nothing inside his brain.
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : What're you gonna explain me ? You think of this as some cooperative bank of Kolhapur where you'll put the gun on the guard's head, the guard will signal the cashier and the cashier will give you the money gift wrapped with birthday greetings ? It's the United States you idiot, barely within 2 minutes you'll be back here with the cops "celebrating" your birthday.
Maqbool Haider 'Mak' : [Background narration] For the first and only time in his life had Baali spoken something sensible.
[Camera turns to Amitabh Bachchan in background narration]
Maqbool Haider 'Mak' : Major. Why Major was called so known only to him or his past, but we were more concerned with our present. Major said..
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : Ajju is right.
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : Bullshit. Whether you go right or left, you're coming back here.
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : [Replying angrily to Mahesh Manjrekar] Alright scary cat, you're absolutely right.
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : [Replying angrily to Sanjay Dutt] Sure I am.
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : [Replying frustrated to Mahesh Manjrekar] The day we think of robbing a poultry farm, I'll let you know. Damn chicken.
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : [Replying infuriated to Sanjay Dutt] Hey don't you dare call me a
[stuttering]
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : ch... .
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : [Replying to Mahesh Manjrekar] Yeah yeah Chicken.
[Asking Lucky Ali]
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : Hey, what do you say ?
Maqbool Haider 'Mak' : [Camera on Lucky Ali in background narration] And that's me. I always kept thinking. Now I think why I didn't think then.
[Replying to Sanjay Dutt in present tense]
Maqbool Haider 'Mak' : I'll think it over and let you know.
Anand Mathur 'Andy' : How much cash can we score ?
Maqbool Haider 'Mak' : [Camera on Kumar Gaurav in background narration] Andy. He held a masters degree in software development. For the development of this plan to go ahead, his presence was necessary.
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : [Replying to Kumar Gaurav] As much as you can count.
Anand Mathur 'Andy' : Even then, how much ?
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : Question isn't whether how much alcohol's in the bar. Question is how much can you consume.
Marc Issak : And Macquarie ? What about him ?
Maqbool Haider 'Mak' : [Camera on Suniel Shetty in background narration] Marc. Was a bouncer in a club. From there he simply bounced and landed amongst us.
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : [Replying to Suniel Shetty] He'll intervene only when he comes to know about it. And by the time he realises what's just happened..
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : [Continuing to Amitabh Bachchan] You'd be back in India having opened a dance bar with your girlfriend. And the rest of us will come over to watch her perform.
Marc Issak : [Snapping at Sanjay Dutt but restrained by Amitabh Bachchan] Ajju that's it. Don't dare say anything about her.
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : [Jokingly responding to Suniel Shetty] Hey Marc, I am terrified. Here take a look, my hands are crumbling.
Anand Mathur 'Andy' : What if the cops show up ?
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : They won't.
Anand Mathur 'Andy' : And WHAT IF they do ?
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : [Replying to Kumar Gaurav] So we'll send them back.
Marc Issak : Can't we do something which has less risk involved ?
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : [Responding to Suniel Shetty] Fate wants to heat up a king size bed for you. And you still want to sleep on a sofa ?
Marc Issak : [Replying to Sanjay Dutt] Fate is the whore which wouldn't sleep with me even if I pay her. Got that.
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : [Sarcastically] Fate ? Even if we all try our level best, these guys are gonna ensure we never fulfill our destiny. Whenever there's a chain snatching in the city, these guys grab our necks. If there's a theft, there's a search warrant for our houses. Imagine, the Italians have their MAFIA, the Colombians have their CARTELS. And all of them are so organized that no cop in the city can dare enter their neighborhoods. And what the hell have we Indians got but criminal records. If a truck jacking takes place here, the witness standing 400 feet away testifies that must've been an Indian. Damn, even an elephant looks like a mole from 400 feet. The tag of uncommitted crimes will forever go with us till the day we've money to buy our innocence.
Maqbool Haider 'Mak' : [In background narration] Major was a brilliant orator. Had he spoken these lines on the screen, he'd have got an Oscar. He spoke these in reality, got a bullet. Major got us all curious.
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : Think it over. We've time.
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : And a plan too.
Loc-up cop : [Banging his baton on the lock-up] Alright, you're free for now.
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : In case anyone amongst you gets his brain ticking, come over to Club Niagara tonight. I'll be waiting.
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : [Replying to Sanjay Dutt] WE. We shall be waiting.
[And the title credits roll]
-
Anand Mathur 'Andy' : [after Sanjay Dutt opens the trunk in the safe house] How the hell did he get here ?
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : I bought him.
Marc Issak : Why ?
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : Coz he'll reveal who's the rat amongst us.
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : How long's he been here ?
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : Ever since I put him in here.
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : So what was all the drama party for, you should've bought him straight to us.
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : Major, if the story takes a twist, the fun goes to an all new level.
[It's revealed Jf Davis is the captive followed by Amitabh Bachchan, Sanjay Dutt and Mahesh Manjrekar laughing maniacally]
-
Det. MacQuarrie : [Interrogating Kumar Gaurav] TRUCK.
Anand Mathur 'Andy' : [With a deadpan face] Lawyer.
Det. MacQuarrie : What Lawyer ?
Anand Mathur 'Andy' : What truck ?
Det. MacQuarrie : [In an angry tone] Where's the truck ?
Anand Mathur 'Andy' : [Replying calmly] Where's my lawyer ?
-
Det. MacQuarrie : [At the safe house after revealing one of the 6 is an undercover cop] Special Task Operation.
[In flashbacks to the undercover cop whose face is unseen]
Det. MacQuarrie : You'll have to become one of them, live with them, get their ranks, contacts and keep reporting back to us.
[Back in present tense]
Det. MacQuarrie : We knew everything. The cars, the guns, the bank. Everything.
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : [Infuriated by the revelation] Tell me who's that guy. I am gonna count to three. One, two, three
[points his gun at Jf Davis but is restrained by Amitabh Bachchan]
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : [In a furious tone] Hey Ajju, who the hell are you to keep pointing guns at people every split second ?
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : [In a harsh tone] Why Major, is it YOU ?
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : [In an sarcastic outrage] Sure it can be me. What you gonna do, kill me ? Common draw your gun out.
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : [Replying to Amitabh Bachchan] No, it can't be you.
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : Really ? Why's that ?
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : Coz this scum says
[draws his gun on Jf Davis but is stopped by Suniel Shetty]
Marc Issak : [In an outraged tone] Hey Ajju, are you out of your mind. You'll kill HIM
[pointing to Jf Davis]
Marc Issak : . Son of a bitch is a cop. If you kill him, the police in this city is gonna hunt you down and fuck you badly.
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : [In an equally furious tone] We're already fucked up. This bastard
[pointing to Jf Davis]
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : has seen all of us.
Anand Mathur 'Andy' : [shouting] What difference does it make ? Our purpose was to rob the bank, distribute the share and disperse. We're all right here with the money. Grab your share and get the hell out. And don't ever see each other's faces again.
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : Wow, don't see each other's faces again. Grab your money and leave. And forget about that motherfucker who landed us in this situation. NO. Till I don't get him and bust him out, nobody leaves.
Maqbool Haider 'Mak' : [From the sofa] Ajju's right. Its me who's got the most urgency to leave this place. But till we don't find that bastard, nobody gets the hell out of here.
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : I am with Ajju on this issue.
Marc Issak : So am I.
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : Major ?
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : Alright.
Anand Mathur 'Andy' : [Sarcastically] Hey ask me as well. Ever since we've met we've been upto only conferencing of all sorts. You morons just wore business suits and left out to rob a bank. Common let's get started again. Have your seats.
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : Hey Andy cut it out. I'll tell what's to be done. Everybody bring your moneybags wherever you've hidden them to this place, and then we'll find who's that bastard.
[Turning to Sanjay Dutt]
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : What do you say ?
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : I am with you.
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : [Asking Suniel Shetty] Where's your money ?
Marc Issak : I hid it on the way. I'll get it.
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : Not all alone Marc, Ajju's going with you.
Marc Issak : [Sarcastically] Why, you lack faith in me ?
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : [In ill humor] Common dude, you could be the cop, I can be the cop, he
[pointing to Sanjay Dutt]
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : can be the cop. Two people together, ok.
[Asking Mahesh Manjrekar]
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : Where's your bag ?
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : It's outside in the car.
Anand Mathur 'Andy' : I'll come with you Major.
Yashvardhan Rampal 'Major' : Sure, tag along.
Raj Yadav 'Baali' : Hey what about me ?
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : [In an irritated voice] Is your old man gonna watch him
[Jf Davis]
Jay Rehan 'Ajju' : . What about me. Common let's go.
[All except Mahesh Manjrekar, Lucky Ali and Jf Davis leave]
