Trailer Park Boys (2001–2018)
Robb Wells: Ricky
Photos
Quotes
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Ricky : Get two birds stoned at once.
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Ricky : Make like a tree and fuck off.
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Ricky : [to Randy] Listen man, if you go down to the store and pick me up some "ja-lap-ano" chips and $2 worth of pepperoni, I'll hang out with you for a bit.
Randy : Does anyone else want anything while I'm down there?
Julian : [pronouncing Jalapeño correctly] Yeah, pick me up a bag of Jalapeño chips.
Ricky : Jalapeño? What flavor is that?
Julian : Ricky, the J is silent. You're saying it wrong.
Bubbles : The J is like an H, Ricky. "Hal-a-peeno", not "ja-lap-ano".
Ricky : [confused] What in the fuck are you guys talking about?
Bubbles : "Hal-a-peeno". That's how you pronounce it.
Ricky : I know how to pronounce it! I ordered fuckin' ja-lap-ano!
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Ricky : [to Trevor almost everytime he sees him] Smokes, let's go.
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Mr. Lahey : Why don't you get a life Rick? Why don't ya go to community college like Julian here. Hey, I got a good idea. You could teach, livin' in a car and growin' dope 101.
Ricky : Hehe. And you can teach how to get drunk, get fired from the police force become a... lousy trailer park supervisor that sucks, hangs around with a fuckin' idiot that doesn't wear a shirt and looks like a dick but thinks he looks good... 101.
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Ricky : Fuck, I missed jail this year. Was it awesome?
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[taking out bullet's from Ricky's gunshot wound for the second time in one day]
Sam Losco : I knew a guy who got shot twice in one day, he was a real dick.
Ricky : Oh look, we got us a comedian... wait a sec, were you calling me a dick?
Sam Losco : What do you think?
Ricky : [pauses and looks at the camera] Was he calling me a dick?
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Ricky : I love all creatures like gophers and deerts, and those things that fly and everything else, but fuck seagulls. I got no time for those cocksuckers.
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Ricky : I try to be a role model for kids around the park. If some kid wants to grow dope, they can come talk to me, instead of growing dope 6 or 7 times through denial and error, they're going to get it right the first time and have some good dope.
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Ricky : You know, your thoughts might be better than mine but I have thoughts going around in my head too about different thinkings and brain things that you can use... and doing different things... and I think I know what's best for my daughter. So fuck off and let me fix the brakes for my daughter and then I'll help you with the hash. You guys don't always know what's best. My fuckin' thoughts have feelings of their own too sometimes.
Bubbles : Ricky, what are you talking about?
Ricky : I don't know, Bubbles. I don't know.
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Ricky : I'd say we got about a ten per cent chance of gettin' out of this one boys.
Officer George Green : [from out the window] Attention, this is the police. Come out with your hands up...
Ricky : Is that George Green?
Bubbles : That's definitely George Green.
Ricky : Wicked. Okay, forget what I said, our chances just went up to about ninety five per cent.
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[Ricky drives to the police station, trying to get himself arrested]
Ricky : 'Closed for renovations'? This is fucked!
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Ricky : I mean, nobody wants to admit they ate nine cans of ravioli, but I did. I'm ashamed of myself. The first can doesn't count, then you get to the second and third, fourth and fifth I think I burnt with the blowtorch, and then I just kept eatin'.
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Randy : I can't get stoned, Ricky.
Ricky : What do you mean? It's shitty work. Everybody does that, all right? Carpenters, electricians, dishwashers, floor cleaners, lawyers, doctors, fuckin' politicians, CBC employees, principals, people who paint the lines on the fuckin' roads, get stoned, it'll be fun, get to work! Oh, and this is the most important, go down to the Shit-Mart. I need a bag of chicken chips. If they don't have chicken, get me dill pickle. And I want a chocolate milk.
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Ricky : The thing with kids and growings and getting learnings and stuff is that... You can't lie to them. Basically, if you wanna tell the children they can't do something they're gonna want to do it more. When I was young I did all kinds of crazy shit and I turned out wicked. That's because my dad was fuckin' cool, he let me do shit. I was allowed to drive his car around the park, basically took my dirt bike to school, let me grow dope in his shed in grade 7. You know, that's what good parenting is all about. You gotta let them have a bit of freedom.
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Ricky : Boys, what the fuck is up with me getting shot with three darts, and it didn't even affect me? I must be like a superhero or something.
Julian : Maybe you've got so much dope in your system, you're immune, Rick.
Bubbles : Well, if that's the case, then Julian, he is like a superhero. Holy fuck, Ricky, you know who you are? You're Dope-Man! He can smoke a pound in a single bound.
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Ricky : [Hallucinating while peeing against the side of a building] Telling me to fuck myself? No you fuck off you little fuck!
Julian : Rick, who the hell are you talking to?
Ricky : Fucking squirrel on my shoulder just told me to fuck off!
Bubbles : Ricky, you're hallucinating!
Julian : Listen, get a hold of yourself Ricky... Ricky you just pissed on me!
Ricky : Well you pulled me away!
Julian : Listen, pretend you're on mushrooms, alright? Just go with it.
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Ricky : I mean how many fathers can give a nine-year-old daughter a car? I'm just happy I'm in a position where I can do something like that.
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[arguing with Julian about buying a wedding ring]
Ricky : I'm not getting Lucy one of those 'Cubic Zarcarbian' fuckin' things.
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Ricky : Fuck, that's good pepperoni!
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Julian : [talking to camera] In sixth grade Bubbles made this puppet he called Conky.
Ricky : What a little asshole.
Julian : Bubbles took it everywhere with him. It was kinda like his confidant.
Ricky : His what?
Julian : Never mind. Anyway, we had to take the doll away because he, you know, fucked Bubbles' mind up.
Ricky : Yeah, it was like, even though Bubbles was Bubbles, he was two people at the same time as bein' Bubbles. He was tryin' to be this other person that wasn't Bubbles, but he was still Bubbles. It was, it was fucked.
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Ricky : What, do you own space? No, NASA does.
[pronounces it "Nay-Saw"]
Satellite Employee : Naysaw?
Ricky : Rocket people? Perhaps you've heard of them?
Satellite Employee : It's NASA!
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Ricky : [With Julian, searching for Bubbles' puppet Conky] Julian, I don't fuckin' know where it is. It was grade 6. I was drunk.
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Ricky : What in the fuck are you dressed up as a bumblebee for? And why do you look like Indianapolis Jones?
Mr. Lahey : It's none of your goddamn business, Ricky. If you must know, Randy and I were rehearsing for a play for the Blandford Recreation Centre next Thursday.
Randy : No! Mr. Lahey, we weren't rehearsing for a play.
Mr. Lahey : We were practicing, Randy.
Randy : It's not Halloween, we're not doing community theatre.
Mr. Lahey : Randy...
Randy : Were consenting adults. And what we do in the privacy of our own home is... is fine, Mr. Lahey.
Mr. Lahey : Randy, please.
Randy : And I don't care. I don't care if the whole world knows that we like to dress up, that we like to have some fun... and that, we're a couple. Hey everybody! We're gay!
Ricky : [shocked] What?
Randy : Say it Mr. Lahey. It feels great.
Mr. Lahey : [long pause] Alright Randy. We'll do it your way. Everybody... I'm gay.
[the camera turns to a shocked Bubbles, who akwardly turns away]
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[His speech to become trailer park supervisor, after the boys slip some magic mushrooms into his hot dog]
Sam Losco : Now, my number one priority is to clean up the criminal activity in this park, and those responsible for it. And you know who I'm talking about.
Ricky : Why don't you go fuck yourself, you fucking dick? You're not even from this park.
Sam Losco : I'm just getting started, boy. You just wait.
Ricky : Yeah we'll see about that, you dick.
Sam Losco : Now I plan on working hand in hand with the poli- with the people of this park, and the police... departure, we're...
Sam Losco : [He suddenly stops and stares into space] This is fucked up... uhh... I'll look at Ricky's ass, after you... no. You get that lawnmower...
Ricky : You're on fucking drugs!
Bubbles : Sam's on drugs everybody!
J-Roc : [making a turntable motion in the air] Nobody can understand what you're brrrrrrzzzzzss-sayin'!
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Ricky : Getting caught masturbating sucks. I got caught masturbating in jail 7 or 8 times, it really sucks.
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Ricky : Knock knock, Cyrus.
Cyrus : Who's there?
Ricky : Someone just failed Grade 10.
Cyrus : I'll see you later.
Ricky : You can't see me now since you just flunked Grade 10.
Cyrus : Fuck off, I got work to do.
Ricky : Good luck finding a job since you just got kicked out of Grade 10.
Miss Hagen : Richard, you're treading on thin ice!
Ricky : Sorry, Miss Hagen.
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Treena Lahey : You're not as bad as my dad says.
Ricky : Yeah, well, your dad is a bit of an idiot.
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Ricky : Holy fuck, purple squirrels!
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Julian : [Ricky is shoving a gun in Conky's face after he called him "Reveen"] Rick, you are pointing a loaded handgun at a puppet.
Ricky : Yes, I am.
Julian : Behind the puppet is our friend. The bullet will go through the doll and kill Bubbles. Give me the gun.
Ricky : [pauses, seethes] I gotta kill this puppet, Julian.
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Ricky : Randy can't fight with his pants on, he doesn't want to tear his precious little pants. So when the pants come off, look the fuck out!
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Ricky : Knock-knock, Lahey.
Mr. Lahey : Who's there, Ricky?
Ricky : A fuckin' shitty fuckin' trailer park supervisor who hangs around with a big-gutted drunk elf who thinks he's gettin' us thrown back in jail but he can't 'cause he's got no evidence and he's dumb as fuck, and he's got this other thing goin' on in his head that's tryin' to... twirly around and... fuckin' get... different... FUCK!
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Ricky : Treena, I'm stupid. I'm not as smart as everyone else.
Treena Lahey : No, Ricky, you're not stupid, remember you're going to get your grade 10 and you'll be just as smart as everyone else.
Ricky : I dunno, Treena.
Treena Lahey : OK, What's the capital of Nova Scotia?
Ricky : That's easy, Halifax.
Treena Lahey : OK, then what's the capital of British Columbia?
Ricky : Victoriaville.
Treena Lahey : See, Ricky, you're just as smart as everyone else.
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Ricky : What the fuck? Julian, it must be the fumes, i'm hallucinating, man! Looks like Bubbles has got wings on his back and he's strangling Mike Bullard!
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[Ricky goes over the department store's public address system]
Ricky : Mr. Lahey and Randy to the Fuck-off department. Mr. Lahey and Randy to the Fuck-off department and hurry the fuck up!
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Ricky : Oh for fuck-sakes.
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Danny : [shouts] For fuck sakes, Ricky! What the fuck are you doing with the satellites? I paid ten fuckin' dollars! I want my fucking satellite signal! Jesus Christ!
Ricky : Danny, chill the fuck out! I'm fucking trying here, it'll be back up in a bit! Calm the fuck down.
Satellite Employee : Look, if these satellites aren't down in ten minutes, I'll have no choice but to call the cops.
Julian : Ricky, get the dishes off my roof.
Ricky : [starts throwing dishes off the roof] I'll take every fucking one of these down, is that what you want? Fuckin' retards. I don't give a fuck about this stupid bullshit.
[smashes a dish through the TV van's windshield]
Ricky : There, they're in the fuckin' van, now leave.
Danny : [in the background] Ten fuckin' dollars a month!
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Ricky : Randy only fights with his pants off because he's worried that he'll ruin his tight pants so when the pants come off... look... the fuck out.
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Ricky : [talking about the gay bar] Well, I wasn't one who really fucking noticed anything out of the ordinary but they were requesting songs like Madonna and that which is fucking awesome, but it was Julian who noticed something really fucking weird.
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Ricky : Don't let the police get your prescription, cause once they have your prescription, you're fucked.
